(The Doctor has completed assembly of K9 Mark II,
his personal mobile gun platform and computer. He blows a dog whistle
and it lifts its head.)
DOCTOR: It works, K9. It works. Listen, I've got a little surprise for
DOCTOR: You and I are going away on holiday.
DOCTOR: A nice, long holiday.
DOCTOR: Would you like that, K9?
K9: Affirmative, affirmative, affirmative
DOCTOR: Shush. Halergan Three's lovely, K9. You'll really like it.
Beaches, palm trees, sunshine all day. Hot and
(The Tardis goes completely dark. Then the main doors start to open and
golden light floods in to organ accompaniment.)
GUARDIAN [OC]: Doctor.
GUARDIAN [OC]: Your presence is required.
DOCTOR: Look, listen, I, I, I don't wish to appear rude, but who are
GUARDIAN [OC]: Do you really need to ask, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, only a guardian could
(A rumble of thunder echoes.)
DOCTOR: Oh, I see. Well, in that case, sir.
GUARDIAN [OC]: You will come to no harm.
DOCTOR: Just as you say.
(Wind chimes sound in the flat area with a white
rocks as a backdrop and a few small plants around. A wicker peacock
chair stands under a sunshade next to a small table carrying a decanter
and glasses. A man in a white suit with a red carnation in the lapel
fades into view, seated on the chair.)
GUARDIAN: Doctor, you have been chosen for a vitally important task.
DOCTOR: That's very flattering, sir.
GUARDIAN: It concerns the Key to Time. You know of the Key to Time?
DOCTOR: Well, I've heard a few stories. Old legends, myths, that sort
GUARDIAN: It is no myth.
DOCTOR: Sorry, sir.
GUARDIAN: The Key to Time is a perfect cube, which maintains the
equilibrium of time itself.
(A holographic image of a spinning cube appears for illustration, then
GUARDIAN: It consists of six segments, and these segments are scattered
and hidden throughout the cosmos. When they are assembled into the
cube, they create a power which is too dangerous for any being to
DOCTOR: Well hidden then, I hope, sir.
GUARDIAN: There are times, Doctor, when the forces within the universe
upset the balance to such an extent that it becomes necessary to stop
DOCTOR: Stop everything?
GUARDIAN: For a brief moment only.
GUARDIAN: Until the balance is restored. Such a moment is rapidly
approaching. These segments must be traced and returned to me before it
is too late, before the Universe is plunged into eternal chaos.
DOCTOR: Eternal chaos?
GUARDIAN: Eternal as you understand the term.
DOCTOR: Look, I'm sure there must be plenty of other Time Lords who'd
be delighted to
GUARDIAN: I have chosen you.
DOCTOR: Yes, I was afraid you'd say something like that. Ah! You want
me to volunteer, isn't that it?
DOCTOR: And if I don't?
DOCTOR: Nothing? You mean nothing will happen to me?
GUARDIAN: Nothing at all. Ever.
DOCTOR: Ah. What do they look like, these segments? How will I know
GUARDIAN: They're all disguised.
DOCTOR: Yes, I thought they might be.
GUARDIAN: They contain the elemental force of the universe. They can be
in any shape, form or size.
DOCTOR: Then how will I recognise them?
GUARDIAN: You will be given a locator.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
GUARDIAN: And an assistant.
DOCTOR: An assistant? Please, sir, on an assignment like this, I'd much
rather work alone. In my experience, assistants mean trouble. I have to
protect them and show them and teach them and couldn't I just, couldn't
I just manage with K9?
GUARDIAN: K9 is a mere machine.
DOCTOR: He is a very sensitive machine! Sorry, sir.
GUARDIAN: You will find your assistant waiting for you in the Tardis.
DOCTOR: Very well, sir. If you insist.
GUARDIAN: One final thing, Doctor.
GUARDIAN: I am the White Guardian. In order to maintain the universal
balance, there is also a Black Guardian, and he also requires the Key
to Time, but for a different purpose. An evil purpose. He must not get
it. Doctor, at all costs, you must prevent that.
DOCTOR: How am I to prevent that?
GUARDIAN: Beware the Black Guardian.
DOCTOR: Beware the Black Guardian.
GUARDIAN: Beware. Beware.
(The Guardian picks up his glass of green wine and fades away.)
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry, K9. The holiday's off.
ROMANA [OC]: Doctor?
DOCTOR: (sotto) That's the new assistant.
(Tall, brunette, statuesque, aloof, wearing a floorlength white dress
fastened only at the waist, and her hair held up by a tiara. Everyone
welcome Mary Tamm)
ROMANA: My name is Romanadvoratnelundar.
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry about that. Is there anything we can do?
ROMANA: The President of the Supreme Council sent me.
(That should be the Doctor, but he's forgotten all about the last
ROMANA: I was told to give you this.
(Romana hands over a rod.)
DOCTOR: What's this?
ROMANA: According to my instructions, it's the core to the Key of Time.
ROMANA: Very exciting, isn't it?
DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose it must be for someone as young and
inexperienced as you are.
ROMANA: I may be inexperienced, but I did graduate from the Academy
with a triple first.
DOCTOR: I suppose you think we should be impressed by that, too?
ROMANA: Well, it's better than scraping through with fifty one percent
at the second attempt.
DOCTOR: That information is confidential! That President. I should have
thrown him to the Sontarans when I had the chance.
ROMANA: Oh, do you want to know how that works?
DOCTOR: I know how it works.
ROMANA: You have to plug it into your Tardis controls, just there.
(There's a new socket available to receive it.)
DOCTOR: A hole. What's a hole doing in my Tardis?
ROMANA: I put it there.
DOCTOR: You? You put a hole in my T? Never mind, old girl. Never mind.
I'll soon have it fixed.
ROMANA: When plugged into the control console, the core indicates the
space-time coordinates of each segment of the Key.
(The Doctor puts the rod into the hole.)
DOCTOR: Oh, that's clever. That's very clever. Ah! Four one eight zero.
ROMANA: I'll look up those coordinates, shall I.
DOCTOR: No, there's no need.
ROMANA: Well, don't you want to know what planet it is?
DOCTOR: I know. Cyrrhenis Minima.
DOCTOR: Just a matter of experience, you see.
ROMANA: Yes, of course.
DOCTOR: What else does it do?
ROMANA: Well, it locates the segment at close range once we've landed
on the appropriate planet.
DOCTOR: Ah ha. Well, that could be very useful.
ROMANA: And then, when it's brought into contact with a disguised
segment, it converts it back into its proper form. What would you like
me to do?
DOCTOR: Well. I'd like you to stay out of my way as much as possible
and try and keep out of trouble. I don't suppose you can make tea?
DOCTOR: No, no, I don't suppose you can. They don't teach you anything
useful at the Academy, do they. Gadgets and gimmickry. Never touch,
never trust gimmicky gadgets.
ROMANA: That's hardly a gimmick, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Ah ah.
DOCTOR: Look. The coordinates have changed. They're different already.
[Relic room roof]
(A howling wind, and snow on the flagstones. A man
climbs over the parapet and heads towards a door in the main tower. A
man with an East End accent calls to him.)
GARRON [OC]: Unstoffe! Unstoffe, you blithering idiot. Give me a hand!
(Unstoffe pulls his large companion over the parapet. Everyone say Hi!
to the magnificent Iain
UNSTOFFE: Don't step on the edge, it's slippery.
GARRON: Not only slippery, it's perishing cold! Now come on, let's get
(They kneel by a raised metal cover set into the flagstones and start
GARRON: Now, quiet. If we get caught up here.
(They remove the cover. A bell tolls.)
GARRON: Yeah. The moment it stops, drop the meat.
(Down in the Jewel Room of the Tower, the Captain of the
Guard finishes tolling the bell and uses his spread-eagle
headed staff to 'extinguish' the electric lights, leaving only candles
burning. The two guards bow towards the Crown Jewels and leave. Finally
Hancock - for it is he - kneels and backs out of the room.
Unstoffe drops a large leg of meat down the hole. Something snarls
UNSTOFFE: You sure that'll work?
GARRON: Don't worry. The ladder. Come on. Get those grapples on, that's
right. The other one. Drop it. That's the idea.
(Unstoffe hooks a rolled up rope ladder onto the edge of the hole and
drops it down.
(The Captain of the Guard bars the door to the Jewel Room and the
guards pull ropes that opens a panel in the wall. Very large clawed
feet scrabble to be let out into the Jewel Room.)
UNSTOFFE: Why is it always me? Why do I always get these jobs?
GARRON: You're young. I'm too old to go down there.
UNSTOFFE: Well, I want a chance to be old, too.
GARRON: Unstoffe, do you think at your age I wouldn't climbed down
there? Without the ladder, I'd have gone. I love danger.
UNSTOFFE: Ah! Now you admit it. It is dangerous.
GARRON: Don't make me lose faith in you, my boy. Now, it's time you
(Unstoffe puts a bag on a rope around his neck and starts to go down
the ladder. Garron settles into a sheltered corner of the roof.)
GARRON: Have you got the jethrik?
UNSTOFFE: Of course!
GARRON: Well, don't drop it whatever. Guard it with your life.
GARRON: I mean, just, just guard it. Remember its value.
(Unstoffe goes down into the Shrivenzale's pen next to the Jewel Room.
The big creature is asleep, presumably drugged by the meat. Unstoffe
crawls into the Jewel Room and goes over to the main central display
case, where the Crown and other regalia are. He takes a suction cup and
glass cutter from his bag, fastens it to the display case and looks
(Romana has let her hair down and is brushing it.)
ROMANA: You're sulking.
DOCTOR: I'm not sulking.
ROMANA: That's ridiculous for somebody as old as you are.
DOCTOR: I'm not old. What?
ROMANA: Seven hundred and fifty nine?
DOCTOR: Seven hundred and fifty six. That's not old, that's just
ROMANA: You've lost count somewhere.
DOCTOR: Well, I ought to know my own age.
ROMANA: Yes, but after the first few centuries, I expect things get a
little bit foggy, don't they.
DOCTOR: Now, listen. It's no good, this isn't going to work.
ROMANA: Doctor, you're not giving me a chance. It's funny, you know,
but before I met you, I was even willing to be impressed.
ROMANA: Oh yes. Of course, now I realise that your behaviour simply
derives from a subtransitory experiential hypertoid induced condition,
aggravated, I expect, by multi-encephalogical tensions.
DOCTOR: What's that supposed to mean?
ROMANA: Well, to put it very simply, Doctor, you're suffering from a
massive compensation syndrome.
DOCTOR: Is that the sort of rubbish they're pouring into your head at
ROMANA: Do you know, I might even use your case in my thesis when I'm
back on Gallifrey.
DOCTOR: I'll show you whether I'm suffering from a massive compensation
syndrome. And you're not going back to Gallifrey, not for a long time
yet, I regret to say. Read out those coordinates again.
ROMANA: Forty nine four zero, vector's unchanged.
DOCTOR: Same as before. Distance?
ROMANA: One hundred and sixteen parsecs.
DOCTOR: One hundred and sixteen parsecs. Must be the planet of Ribos.
If it changes again while we're in the vortex, we could lose it. On the
ROMANA: Oh, take a chance.
DOCTOR: I'll make the decisions here!
ROMANA: Well, what shall we do?
DOCTOR: We'll take a chance.
(Unstoffe has cut a large hole in the glass front
of the display case and put a large piece of shiny blue stone inside.
His wrist communicator beeps.)
UNSTOFFE: Yes, what is it Garron?
[Relic room roof]
GARRON: The Graff Vynda-K is arriving. I've got to
go and meet him.
GARRON [OC]: This is Blue Forty signing off.
Wilco, Graham, out.
UNSTOFFE: Roger. It's Roger, you stupid old Blue Forty.
(Unstoffe finishes resealing the hole he cut in the glass, so he leaves
no trace of his visit.)
(Garron is greeting a youngish man in black furs
with a gold crest on his Cossack hat who is accompanied by a
battle-scarred veteran in metal breast plate and a guard in full face
metal helmets and red cloaks. Garron offers a scroll, and speaks with a
refined Scottish accent.)
GARRON: Allow me to present my credentials.
GRAFF: Can't we get out of this wind first? It's cutting through me
like a laser.
GARRON: I have quarters prepared for your Highness, but your escort
GRAFF: What about them?
GARRON: Well, my letter did stress the necessity for discretion. I
mean, soldiers stomping about, you know.
SHOLAKH: The Graff never travels without his personal guard.
GARRON: Please. These are primitive people, easily panicked. I mean, if
you frighten them, they could turn very nasty. We don't want any
unpleasantness at this stage, do we?
GRAFF: Oh, let's get inside. Send the guard back, Sholakh.
SHOLAKH: Highness. Royal guard, return to your ship. Dismiss!
(The guards leave.)
GARRON: This way, Highness, if you'd be so kind.
(Garron, the Graff and Sholakh go into the castle. When then entrance
is clear, the Tardis materialises. The Doctor steps out carrying a
ladies long white fur coat.)
DOCTOR: Ha ha! Fresh!
ROMANA: It's bitter.
DOCTOR: If you can't stand the cold, stay out of the freezer. Which
DOCTOR: Well, you've got the core.
ROMANA: Oh, yes. Through there. It's a strong signal.
(It sounds like a Geiger counter.)
DOCTOR: Good. Now, pay attention. I'm not anticipating any trouble, but
it's as well to be prepared for these things. Ground rules. Rule one,
do exactly as I say. Rule two, stick close to me, and Rule three, let
me do all the talking. Is that perfectly clear?
ROMANA: You couldn't make it clearer.
DOCTOR: Good. One more thing. Your name.
ROMANA: What about my name?
DOCTOR: It's too long. By the time I've called look out, what's your
DOCTOR: By the time I've called that out, you could be dead. I'll call
ROMANA: I don't like Romana.
DOCTOR: It's either Romana or Fred.
ROMANA: All right, call me Fred.
DOCTOR: Good. Come on, Romana. Here, try that for size.
(He gives her the white fur coat and walks through the archway into the
DOCTOR [OC]: The secret of survival is always to expect the unexpected.
(Scraping of stone against stone then the Doctor calls out.)
DOCTOR: Oh! Ow!
(The Doctor is hanging inside a large net.)
ROMANA: Ah. I think this is to stop animals wandering into the city at
night. There's a cocking lever there, just below the keystone.
DOCTOR: Yes I wondered if you'd notice that. That's good. That's very
good, very good.
(Candles, rugs, furs, wooden furniture. Very
GARRON: Ribos orbits its sun elliptically, so its climate is one of
extremes. For the natives, the seasons are called Icetime and Suntime.
GRAFF: How long are the seasons?
GARRON: Approximately thirty two of your years, Highness.
Unfortunately, of course, you're not seeing the planet at its best just
GRAFF: If I bought it, Garron, it would not be my intention to spend a
lot of time here.
GARRON: For someone in your exalted position, Highness, I should've
thought it would've made an ideal second home. I get very few
properties so central and so convenient. Only three light centuries
from the Magellanic Clouds.
SHOLAKH: Is Shur the only city?
GARRON: The principal city. There are several settlements to the north,
though I've never seen them. Oh, incidentally, if anyone asks you where
we're from, just say the North. I've arranged a travel pass in case of
GRAFF: Do they know anything of other worlds?
GARRON: Nothing, Highness.
SHOLAKH: They know that this planet is within the Greater Cyrrhenic
Empire, and that they are protected by the forces of the Alliance?
GARRON: Beyond their comprehension. They're only primitive, brutish
peasants, you see.
GRAFF: The property becomes more unattractive every minute.
GARRON: There is a great demand for planets that are completely
unspoiled and so central. There are very few of them coming on the
GRAFF: A predictable reply, Garron. You're interested in making a sale.
GARRON: And you are interested in buying, Highness, or you'd not be
here. So we're really discussing how much you're willing to pay. Am I
GRAFF: A great deal less than the ten million opeks you're asking.
GARRON: The Magellanic Mining Conglomerate set that valuation.
GRAFF: But you are empowered to accept an offer?
GARRON: I'll leave the documents of title and mortmain with you for you
to read. And tomorrow, if you're still interested, it will be my
pleasure to show you over the city. Until then, may you rest in peace.
(Garron leaves. The Graff and Sholakh take papers to read.)
GRAFF: I think he'll take six million.
SHOLAKH: Highness, this is interesting.
GRAFF: What is it?
SHOLAKH: The Conglomerate's mineralogical survey.
GRAFF: It's almost fifty years ago. That's soon after they acquired
title. Bismuth, cadmium, iron. Jethrik!
SHOLAKH: What is it, Highness?
GRAFF: Point zero zero zero one percent of mass. That's not possible,
Sholakh. It must be a mistake.
GRAFF: Jethrik, the rarest and most valuable element in the galaxy.
SHOLAKH: As you say, a mistake. If it were true, the Conglomerate would
not be selling.
GRAFF: Ah, but wait, there's a condition. (reads) Whilst relinquishing
freehold and suzerainty in the planet Ribos in the constellation of
Scytha, Magellanic Mining etcetera, etcetera, retains to itself, its
subsidiaries and appointed agents the exploitation of the mineral
wealth of the said planet in perpetuity. They know about it, Sholakh!
SHOLAKH: Does this affect your Highness's plans?
GRAFF: Sholakh, jethrik could guarantee success, and quicker than ever
[Outside the Graff's quarters]
(Garron is eavesdropping on his wrist
GRAFF [OC]: This planet contains a fortune, don't you see? And all we
have to do is dig it out.
GARRON: Good thinking, Graff.
(Footsteps approach. Garron turns off his wrist-comm, then walks past
the Doctor and Romana whilst calling out in a mummerset accent.)
GARRON: Four o'clock and all's well caused.
ROMANA: What is?
DOCTOR: Well, you heard.
ROMANA: Four of the clock and all's well? Obviously just a ritual
greeting and reassurance.
DOCTOR: But he said it in a Somerset accent. Somerset's one of the
ROMANA: Ah, but there's no space service to Ribos, Doctor. According to
Bartholomew's Planetary Gazetteer, it has a protected class three
society. So there can't be any Earth aliens on Ribos.
DOCTOR: Maybe he's a cricket scout. Yes, they could do with a good leg
(The Doctor starts to bowl an imaginary cricket ball.)
ROMANA: What's that supposed to mean?
DOCTOR: What? Oh nothing, nothing. Remember Rule one. Come on.
SHOLAKH: Highness, we must not lose sight of our
GRAFF: Do you think I ever shall? Do you think I can rest for one
moment until I've won back the Levithian crown which is mine by right?
Everything, everything must be subordinate to that purpose.
SHOLAKH: Forgive me, Highness. I know that nothing will ever weaken
GRAFF: Correct, Sholakh. But it would seem that providence has placed
in my hand a weapon already forged.
SHOLAKH: I don't understand.
GRAFF: Sholakh, this planet is ideally placed for use as a forward
base. But to give it a technology, to train primitives in a thousand
skills, to raise a battle fleet with which to conquer our homeland
would be the work of a lifetime.
SHOLAKH: There is no better way to spend a lifetime, Highness.
GRAFF: But if we can find this jethrik, if we mine it and sell it, we
could hire an army and a hundred battle cruisers.
SHOLAKH: You mean from outside the Alliance?
GRAFF: Well, of course! Pontonese ships, mercenaries from Shalankie.
Why, it might not even be necessary to sell the jethrik. We could trade
with them directly.
SHOLAKH: Oh, dangerous if it came to the ears of the Alliance.
GRAFF: The time saved would be worth the risk.
[Outside the Relic room]
(The tracer is clicking madly.)
ROMANA: It's something through there.
(They tiptoe past a snoring guard. The Doctor unbars the door.)
DOCTOR: Did they teach you anything about locks at the Academy?
ROMANA: No, of course not.
DOCTOR: Sonic screwdriver. You'll like this. Keep an eye on the sentry.
DOCTOR: Sleeping on duty's a serious offence. If anyone comes, you can
wake him up.
ROMANA: You do know that sarcasm's an adjusted stress reaction?
(The Doctor unlocks the door with the screwdriver.)
ROMANA: Very impressive.
DOCTOR: It was nothing.
DOCTOR: Ceremonial regalia, sacred relics.
ROMANA: Must be the state strong room.
ROMANA: Magnificent jewellry.
DOCTOR: Never mind that. Let's just find the segment. It'll be daylight
(The rod starts clicking again.)
ROMANA: It's something in here.
DOCTOR: Good. Let's locate it, convert it, and get out of here before
the locals wake up.
[Relic room roof]
(A Riban guard walks out of the tower to the metal
cover as the bells toll to greet the dawn. He puts down his bag and
unfastens the cover. Unstoffe comes down some steps and greets him with
an Irish accent and a smile.)
UNSTOFFE: Top o' the morning to you, my friend.
(The Doctor is trying to open the base of the
display case with his sonic screwdriver.)
ROMANA: Why is it taking so long?
DOCTOR: Because they're multilevered interlocks.
ROMANA: Well, get on with it then.
(Romana goes out to keep watch.)
DOCTOR: Get on with it? Get
[Relic room roof]
(The guard drinks from Unstoffe's flagon, almost
UNSTOFFE: See, you might as well finish it off.
SHRIEVE: Any more of that stuff and I'll not be able to blow the
Shriven, Shrivenzale in for its feed.
UNSTOFFE: Here, let me give you a hand.
(They lift off the cover and the Shrieve looks down into the pen.)
SHRIEVE: Is the is the beast waiting there already? I, I, I can't see.
(Unstoffe catches the Shrieve as he falls and lays him down. He picks
up an animal horn and blows it.)
(Romana hears the horn and closes the Jewel Room
DOCTOR: One more lock to go.
(Romana ducks into the Shrivenzale's pen to find where the sound is
[Outside the Relic room]
(The Captain and his guards arrive to start a new
day guarding the Crown Jewels.)
CAPTAIN: Right. Lower away.
(The guards begin to lower the door between the pen and the Jewel room.
The Shrivenzale stirs.)
ROMANA [OC]: Doctor!
ROMANA [OC]: Doctor, I'm over here!
(Romana is pinned under the descending door. The Doctor wriggles under
to try and brace it.)
ROMANA: Quickly! Doctor, do something!
(The Shrivenzale wakes, it's blood-covered jaws gaping right in front
of the Doctor's face.)
[Outside the Relic room]
(The pen gate won't go all the way down.)
CAPTAIN: What is it?
SHRIEVE: There's some obstruction.
CAPTAIN: Take it up, then. It could be the Shrivenzale.
(The Doctor and Romana scramble back into the main
[Outside the Relic room]
(The Shrivenzale stops growling.)
CAPTAIN: There. It must have been the beast.
SHRIEVE: I pray we didn't harm it. It's dangerous enough at the best of
CAPTAIN: That's why it's there, you dolt.
SHRIEVE: Shall I take it up a bit further, sir, just in case?
CAPTAIN: No, that's far enough. Lower away again.
(The pen door shuts.)
ROMANA: That thing. What is it?
DOCTOR: A Shrivenzale.
ROMANA: I never imagined. Are there many creatures like that in other
DOCTOR: Millions. Millions! You shouldn't have volunteered if you're
scared of a little thing like that.
ROMANA: I'm not scared, I'm just. Listen!
(There are marching footsteps approaching.)
DOCTOR: Let's hide. Hide. The locks.
ROMANA: We could explain, surely.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, we can explain. Sorry old thing, we're just helping
ourselves to your Crown Jewels! They'd have our hands off before you
could say Rassilon's Rod.
(The Doctor picks up the locks from the floor under the display
ROMANA: (sotto) Rassilon's Rod?
[Outside the Relic room]
SHRIEVE: Fully down, Captain.
(The Captain looks at the lock on the door.)
SHRIEVE: Something wrong, sir?
DOCTOR: Of course, they might not chop our hands
off. They might just feed us to the Shrivenzale.
ROMANA: Someone's here.
(They take cover behind two sword display stands conveniently placed on
either side of the door. Then she notices that they've left the rod on
the floor. They both go to get it, the Doctor grabbing it first. The
pair are back in their hiding places when the Captain opens the doors
and enters and kneels before the Crown.)
CAPTAIN: We give thanks for the dawn of a new day.
SHRIEVES: We give thanks.
CAPTAIN: And the retreat of the night and the powers of darkness.
SHRIEVES: We give thanks.
(The Captain turns and gives his staff to the senior Shrieve.)
CAPTAIN: Light the domes.
(The Shrieve goes round the room 'turning on' the electric lights while
the Captain examines the floor by the Shrivenzale's pen. The Shrieve
returns the staff to the Captain, who continues to look for signs of
intruders. Garron enters and kneels. He uses his posh accent here.)
GARRON: I give thanks for a safe journey.
CAPTAIN: You! Where are you from?
GARRON: I am from the north, sir. Just arrived.
CAPTAIN: The North, eh? Your pass.
GARRON: Oh yes, yes, of course, sir. This is for myself and my
(The Captain examines the small scroll.)
CAPTAIN: Purpose of your journey?
GARRON: Trade, Captain. I am a merchant.
CAPTAIN: Rather you than me, sir. It's no pleasure crossing the tundra
in the Icetime.
GARRON: I have a small favour to beg.
GARRON: I am only in a modest way of business myself, but I have a
colleague who is carrying a very substantial sum. In excess of a
million gold opeks.
CAPTAIN: A million?
GARRON: More than a million.
CAPTAIN: That could mean trouble.
GARRON: My words exactly. I mean, it's putting temptation in the way of
dishonest citizens. There's so much lawlessness
CAPTAIN: If word of that were to get out
GARRON: We could be murdered in our beds. Now, what I was thinking was,
sir, if he could be persuaded to deposit the money in a safe place,
such as here, for example.
CAPTAIN: Nowhere safer, that's for sure.
GARRON: That's what I told him, sir. I mean, here it could be guarded
by your men all day, your Shrieves at arms, and by the beast at night,
along with the jewels and relics. What better security, I ask you. I
mean, no one would dare to try to steal in here, would they?
CAPTAIN: As you say, no one would dare. They know the penalties.
GARRON: Well, what do you say, Captain? Hmm? To avoid trouble?
CAPTAIN: It's extremely irregular. This relic room is a holy place.
GARRON: Well, naturally we'd make a small contribution to the funds.
Say one hundred gold opeks?
CAPTAIN: One hundred opeks?
GARRON: Or even a thousand. I'd leave it to you, of course, to handle
the, er, paying in.
CAPTAIN: And for how long would this money stay here?
GARRON: Oh, only for a night or two. Maybe even only for one night.
CAPTAIN: Bring the money later.
GARRON: I am deeply obliged, Captain. Deeply obliged. I'll go and tell
(Garron leaves, followed a few moments later by the Captain. No longer
under the watchful eye of their superior, the Shrieves go to the back
of the room and start quietly gossiping with their backs to the
doorway. The Doctor and Romana tiptoe out.)
GARRON: I trust the Graff spent a comfortable
night, or as comfortable as these somewhat primitive conditions permit.
GRAFF: I've slept in worse places.
GARRON: Of course. Your Highness' frontier campaigns in the service of
the Alliance are rightly famous.
GRAFF: Are they indeed? Well, the Alliance forgot them fast enough when
I returned home to find my half-brother had claimed the Levithian
GARRON: Oh. I thought your Highness had appealed that matter to the
High Court of the Cyrrhenic Empire.
GRAFF: That appeal was rejected! After all I had done for the Alliance,
not a word was said in my favour, not a single hand raised in my
SHOLAKH: Highness, it is not well to think of the past. There is still
the future to make.
GRAFF: Good advice Sholakh, as always. So, Garron, we must talk of the
future. In particular, this quite preposterous figure of ten million
GARRON: I've already said that a close effort might be considered,
Highness. Perhaps when I've shown you something of the planet?
GRAFF: One moment. These conditions of sale, do you maintain that
ROMANA: Doctor, let's ignore this stranger and
just concentrate on getting the first segment out of the strong room.
We're wasting time.
DOCTOR: Suppose he's after the same thing as we are?
ROMANA: The crown?
DOCTOR: Don't jump to conclusions about anyone or anything. It could
lead you astray.
ROMANA: AH. I'll try and remember that.
DOCTOR: Good. And don't be sarcastic, either. That can also get you
DOCTOR: If he's after the same thing as we are, maybe he's got a plan
to get it out of the room.
ROMANA: Oh, so all we'd have to do is wait for him to get it.
ROMANA: And then what?
DOCTOR: On the other hand, he could just be an agent of the Black
(The Doctor puts his hand over his mouth as he says the last word.)
ROMANA: The what?
DOCTOR: Nothing, nothing, nothing. You're not supposed to know about
ROMANA: About what?
DOCTOR: About nothing! All you need to know is that there might be some
competition in our search.
ROMANA: I do wish you'd stop treating me like a child, Doctor. I'm
nearly a hundred and forty, you know.
DOCTOR: Really? You're in wonderful condition.
ROMANA: Oh, thank you. What, what competition?
DOCTOR: On the other hand, he might be just an innocent crook. It's
fascinating, isn't it? Don't you think?
GRAFF: Tell me, Garron, why is Magellanic Mining
selling this planet?
GARRON: Highness, I'm only the agent. Some shortage of liquidity,
perhaps? They may require capital to finance some other project. Who
SHOLAKH: Yet they wish to retain the mineral rights in perpetuity.
GARRON: Oh, that's a common condition in these cases. It can't possibly
affect the Graff's enjoyment of the property.
GRAFF: I think it could.
GARRON: But Highness, a Grade three planet. The natives protected. My
clients can't possibly begin mining here, with all the importation of
technology that would entail, until Ribos is accorded at least Grade
SHOLAKH: When will that be?
GARRON: As yet, they haven't even discovered the telescope. Many of the
natives believe that the planet is flat and if they walked far enough
they would fall off the edge. There's no chance of Ribos reaching Grade
two for many thousands of years.
GRAFF: I see.
GARRON: May you live a long life, Graff, but not that long.
GARRON: Look at the workmanship. And all done by
hand, of course, using the simplest implements. There's a certain
honest peasant artistry about these pieces that speaks of the soil,
don't you think?
SHOLAKH: (sotto) Highness?
GRAFF: (sotto) I've seen it.
GARRON: Now, over here
GRAFF: Wait. This blue stone, it's what we call jethrik, isn't it?
GARRON: Oh, I've no idea. Pretty though, whatever it is. Perhaps a
Shrieve can tell us something about it. I say, fellow. The blue stone
there. Do you know anything about it?
(The Shrieve turns out to be Unstoffe, doing the Mummerset accent.
Garron winces at the sound.)
UNSTOFFE: Oo ar, sir, that I do, that I do. That be what we call
scringe stone, sir.
GARRON: Scringe stone. Oh, how interesting.
UNSTOFFE: You hangs a bit o' that around your neck, and you won't never
suffer from the scringes no matter how cold it be. You'll just stay as
supple and as fresh as a little old babbit in the Suntime, sir, and
that be a proven fact.
GARRON: Oh, really. Oh, there's just one more thing. It's fairly common
around these parts, I suppose?
UNSTOFFE: Common, sir?
GARRON: Yes. There's a lot of it about, isn't there?
UNSTOFFE: Oh no, sir. No, no, no. I wouldn't say that. Well, there used
to be, y'see, but well, then they lost the secret of the mine, sir. And
well, that was three Icetimes ago.
GRAFF: What do you mean, lost the secret?
UNSTOFFE: Lost the secret of where it be, sir. Well, what they reckon
is that one Icetime, there was a glacier, you see, and it moved all the
rocks about. Well, ever since then, they've been a-searching and
a-searching for that old mine but, well, I don't reckon that they'll
ever find it now, sir.
SHOLAKH: Even if the entrance has disappeared, surely they know the
area to search?
UNSTOFFE: Well, the trouble is sir all the old miners is dead now, and
there bain't be nothing written down in writing, well, cos there
weren't no scholars in them days. All they do know, sir, is that it's
up in the Granite Mountains.
GARRON: Oh, pay no heed to him. One knows how these fellows exaggerate.
(The Doctor and Romana are the other side of the display case,
UNSTOFFE: Oh no, sir. No, no, I know what I'm talking about. Y'see, my
poor old dad spent his life a-searching for that scringe stone mine.
They reckon as how he found it in the end, just afore he died.
UNSTOFFE: Er, they found him out in the tundra, sir, frozen stiff, his
poor ol' pickaxe beside him, and that there bit of scringe stone in his
pocket. And that be as true as I'm stood standing here, sir.
(Garron treads on Unstoffe's foot.)
SHOLAKH: (sotto) The man's making it up, sir.
GRAFF: (sotto) No one jests with me, Sholakh. You know that.
SHOLAKH: (sotto) No, sir. And the jethrik is real enough.
GRAFF: You say your father found this piece of scringe stone?
UNSTOFFE: Yes, sir, in his poor old frozen pocket, wrapped up in er, in
this here bit of parchment.
(Unstoffe takes a piece of parchment from inside his jacket and hands
it to the Graff.)
SHOLAKH: Looks like a rough map.
UNSTOFFE: Yeah, that's what I reckons, sir. Maybe, next Suntime, I
might go looking for that old scringe stone mine myself. Well, if you
gentlemen'll excuse me, I'm just going off duty.
(Unstoffe takes the parchment, puts his finger to his Cossack hat in
salute, and leaves. The Doctor and Romana walk up behind Garron.)
GARRON: I shouldn't take a word of that seriously. I know these
fellows. They do like to pitch a yarn.
DOCTOR: Oh, I don't know. My friend and I couldn't help overhearing.
That's my friend, Romana, and I thought it had the ring of truth. Do
you think it had the ring of truth?
ROMANA: Oh yes. And he had such a honest, open face.
GARRON: Do you live in Shur?
DOCTOR: No, we come from the north.
GARRON: I see. My friends are visitors here, too.
GRAFF: It's time we were moving on, Garron.
GARRON: Oh, you're quite right, there's such a lot to see. Well, I do
hope you'll enjoy your stay in Shur.
ROMANA: Thank you.
GARRON: Well, gentlemen, I'm with you.
(Garron, the Graff and Sholakh leave. The Doctor sees the blue stone
for the first time.)
ROMANA: What is?
DOCTOR: That is. That's the biggest lump of jethrik I've ever set eyes
ROMANA: Jethrik? But I thought he said it was
DOCTOR: I wonder if old Taffy knows the real value of it. Scringe stone
found in a dead man's pocket? A lost mine? A phony map. Are people
still falling for that old guff? I mean, are they?
ROMANA: You mean you didn't believe his story?
ROMANA: But he had such an honest face.
DOCTOR: Romana, you can't be a successful crook with a dishonest face,
GRAFF: Eight million opeks, Garron. That's my
GARRON: I'd have to put that to my clients.
SHOLAKH: How long will that take?
GARRON: I have a shuttle concealed near the city. As you'll appreciate,
there can be no direct communication from here. I'd have to go to
Starpros and contact my clients by hypercable. Say, three weeks to a
GRAFF: Very well.
GARRON: My clients will, I know, of course demand a deposit. Say, two
GRAFF: A deposit?
GARRON: Simply as a mark of good faith.
GRAFF: Garron, I have made a firm offer! I am a Royal Prince of the
Greater Cyrrhenic Empire. I do not go back on my word.
GARRON: Highness, believe me, if it was simply between us, a handshake
would be sacred. A bond of honour. Unhappily, I know my clients will
demand proof of a deposit.
GRAFF: I don't carry such sums about with me. One million may be
GARRON: In your case, Highness, I'm sure one million will be
SHOLAKH: One moment. Do you propose to fly to Starpros with this
GARRON: Oh, you're very prudent. You're thinking once this fellow gets
his hands on the money, he might fail to come back, might disappear
into the blue, is that it?
SHOLAKH: Well, such things have been known, though few men would be
foolish enough to cross the Graff Vynda-K in such a matter.
GARRON: No, no, no, no. No one would ever dare. The money will be
lodged here with the Captain of Shrievalty. It will be put in a place
where nobody can touch it, guarded night and day. You need have no fear
on that score.
GRAFF: That sounds satisfactory. Sholakh, go to the ship and fetch the
GARRON: I will come with you to the city wall. Highness.
(Sholakh and Garron leave. The Graff goes to the fire to warm his hands
and spots a tiny microphone placed just inside the chimney. He puts it
back where he found it.)
(The Doctor is sort of pacing, placing his feet
heel to toe.)
ROMANA: I do wish you'd explain what's happening, Doctor.
DOCTOR: You've got all the facts, study them.
ROMANA: Oh, that's very helpful.
DOCTOR: Nonsense. Good mental exercise. An Academy graduate doesn't
need things explaining, surely?
ROMANA: I will not give way to feelings of psychofugal hostility.
DOCTOR: Hmm? What?
ROMANA: We have a negative empathy, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Splendid. Let's go.
GARRON: I think that I could strangle you,
UNSTOFFE: You are doing, you old fool! Get your hands off!
GARRON: Scringe stones, lost mines. I was sweating blood listening to
UNSTOFFE: Well, I thought it was original.
GARRON: You thought what?
UNSTOFFE: Well, they loved that bit about my poor old dad finding the
GARRON: And that's another thing, you greedy little creep. If you're
thinking of selling them that map, just forget it.
UNSTOFFE: A little extra never hurt.
GARRON: Listen, this is a hit-and-run business. One bite and away. If
you stick around and give the mark time to think, you're kaput. All
you'll collect is a big ball and chain around the ankle.
UNSTOFFE: All right, Garron. I was just trying to display initiative.
Hey, (mummerset) what did you think of the accent?
GARRON: My past life flashed before my eyes, that's what I thought of
it. This Graff's no softie. He's a big bad soldier, and if he rumbles
that he's being conned, then you and I are going to wind up very very
GARRON: That's the word I was searching for, so remember it, my boy.
UNSTOFFE: In this matter, I'm in complete agreement with you, Garron.
How's it going?
GARRON: Sholakh's fetching the money. One million.
UNSTOFFE: Great. Hey, look, he's got to come back this way. Why don't
we wait here and mug him?
GARRON: Stick to the plan. Stick to what's decided.
UNSTOFFE: Doping that beast again? Going down that shaft again?
GARRON: Yes. Now, it's time you got back to the city. We'll meet at the
shaft again as arranged.
UNSTOFFE: Right. Hey, er, have you noticed that big fellow, the one
with the girl?
GARRON: I've been noticing him quite a lot lately.
[Relic room roof]
(The Doctor removes the cover to the Shrivenzale's
DOCTOR: Here, the other way in. Look, marks of a grappling iron.
ROMANA: Ah. They must have used a rope ladder.
DOCTOR: Yes. Garron and old honest face must have planted the jethrik
in the cabinet last night.
DOCTOR: Because they're trying to sell the map of a nonexistent mine,
ROMANA: That's no business of ours, Doctor. We've got more important
things to do.
DOCTOR: I agree. I wouldn't dream of interfering.
(The Doctor replaces the cover. The Shrivenzale growls below.)
ROMANA: How did they get past that?
DOCTOR: They drugged it, otherwise, you and I wouldn't have been here
now, eh? What do we do next? No, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. They've
got to come back for the jethrik and the gold, all right? Now, when
they do come back
ROMANA: We'll be here waiting for them.
(The Graff takes the microphone from the chimney and shows it to
Sholakh. He puts it back and they both leave.)
[Outside the Graff's quarters]
SHOLAKH: It is not part of this world, Highness.
GRAFF: Garron must've planted it.
SHOLAKH: To spy on us? Why?
GRAFF: Perhaps to learn how much I was willing to pay, or perhaps he is
not all that he seems.
SHOLAKH: In what way, Highness?
GRAFF: I've been thinking about that guard.
SHOLAKH: Huh. The one whose father found the jethrik?
GRAFF: Yes. Remarkable coincidence, Sholakh, perhaps too remarkable to
SHOLAKH: But Highness, that piece of jethrik
SHOLAKH: Well, it's the biggest piece I've ever seen. I mean, there
must be enough in that to power an entire battle fleet for a complete
GRAFF: Oh, yes. Enough to make a man rich beyond the dreams of avarice.
SHOLAKH: Far beyond, Highness. Therefore
GRAFF: Therefore, he cannot be aware of its true value.
SHOLAKH: What are the Graff's wishes?
GRAFF: Keep a careful watch on Garron. He may know a genuine source of
jethrik. If he's not, if he's playing me false, he will die.
(The Graff, Sholakh and Garron enter.)
GARRON: Ah, here we are. Sorry to have kept you.
CAPTAIN: You have the money?
GARRON: Gold coinage to the value of one million opeks in weight.
CAPTAIN: In here.
(Garron takes a bag from Sholakh and put it in the cabinet at the back
of the room. The Captain closes it up.)
SHOLAKH: Don't you wish to count it?
CAPTAIN: I have no time, nor have you.
GARRON: The Captain is doing us a favour by seeing that the money is in
safe custody. Now, if you will kindly give me a receipt.
CAPTAIN: A what?
GARRON: Your signature on this, please. My friend may have to prove
that he has money at his disposal. I'll hold those, shall I?
(Garron takes the Captain large key ring from him and turns around. He
does something with the keys.)
GARRON: My back?
(The Captain signs the paper against Garron's back.)
CAPTAIN: There you are.
GARRON: Ah, wonderful. Sorry to have kept you.
(Garron returns the keys to their rightful holder.)
CAPTAIN: I have to lock up now and set the Shrivenzale free.
GARRON: Oh, a most interesting evening ceremony that. I don't know if
my friends from the north would care to watch.
GRAFF: I'm afraid we shall have to hurry if we are to be in our
quarters before curfew.
GARRON: Well, dear Captain, perhaps some other time, hmm? Good night.
[Relic room roof]
(Unstoffe drops another joint of meat down into
the Shrivenzale's pen as the curfew tolls.)
GARRON: It'll be easier this time.
UNSTOFFE: Well, you go, then.
(The Doctor and Romana are on steps going up the side of the rest of
the tower, above and behind the would-be thieves.)
DOCTOR: Stay here and watch them.
ROMANA: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: I'm going to try and get down there before them.
GARRON: The key.
UNSTOFFE: You're sure he didn't miss it?
GARRON: He's got a dozen that size. Now, it's time you went.
UNSTOFFE: Well, I hope this is the right one.
GARRON: Why can't you have a little faith, my boy. I've been palming
keys since before you were born. Down you go.
(Unstoffe starts down, but the Shrivenzale roars.)
UNSTOFFE: Couldn't we wait just a little bit longer?
UNSTOFFE: You haven't seen the size of that thing's teeth.
[Outside the Relic room]
(A guard is dozing in his sentry box. The Doctor
tiptoes past, but -)
DOCTOR: What? What?
SHRIEVE: Who are you? What are you doing out after curfew?
DOCTOR: I couldn't sleep either.
SHRIEVE: Stay where you are.
(The Shrieve puts a whistle to his lips.)
DOCTOR: What? No, please. Please, don't blow that. You'll wake
SHRIEVE: I'm calling the watch. Nobody's allowed out after curfew
without permission from the Captain.
DOCTOR: Oh, permission. Permission? I've got permission. Do you want to
see my permission?
SHRIEVE: Come on, then. No tricks.
DOCTOR: Tricks? Oh, dear chap. My dear.
(The Doctor holds a gold watch on a chain in front of the Shrieve's
(In the Relic room, Unstoffe crawls out of the Shrivenzale's pen and
goes to the display case. Once again, he prepares to cut a hole in the
DOCTOR: Your eyes are closing. Sit down. Closing. That's right. Shush.
(As Unstoffe removes the jethrik, the Shrieve starts snoring in his
sentry box. Unstoffe then goes to unlock the cabinet and removes the
bag of money. The Doctor unbars the door and Unstoffe hides behind one
of the sword displays. The Doctor enters and sees the open cabinet.
Unstoffe runs out through the door and bars it to trap the Doctor
before running off. The Shrieve wakes and blows his whistle. Inside the
Relic room, the Doctor ducks into the Shrivenzale's pen)
[Relic room roof]
GARRON: Hurry, Unstoffe! What went wrong?
DOCTOR [OC]: Almost everything.
(The Doctor pops out of the shaft with his back towards Garron.)
DOCTOR: Don't move, we've got you covered.
GARRON: Who's got me covered?
ROMANA: We have.
DOCTOR: Stand up. Stand up!
GARRON: All right, officer. I'll come quietly.
(Garron holds out his hands for the cuffs. The Doctor shakes them.)
DOCTOR: That's very wise of you.
(Sholakh, the Graff and his bodyguards are
standing by the Tardis.)
GARRON [OC]: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: Well, I've just got a few loose ends to tie up.
(The Doctor, Romana and Garron arrive.)
GRAFF: You look surprised, Garron, but as you see, you were expected.
You and your accomplices. No one makes a fool of the Graff Vynda-K and
GRAFF: Execute them.
(The bodyguards move forward, alien weapons at the ready.)
SHOLAKH: Guards, take aim. Prepare to fire.
DOCTOR: No, no, hold it, hold it, hold it. This
must be a case of mistaken identity.
(The Doctor pulls Garron in front of himself and Romana. Garron sinks
to his knees.)
GARRON: Mercy, Highness. Spare these gray hairs.
GRAFF: Get up, you cringing cur!
DOCTOR: Yes, get up you cringing cur.
GARRON: I was just taking my friends for a little stroll.
GRAFF: Don't lie!
DOCTOR: Don't hit the cringing cur.
GRAFF: How dare you touch me!
(The Graff slaps the Doctor across the face with his glove. The Doctor
returns the favour.)
SHOLAKH: Highness. Let's go.
GRAFF: You're right, Sholakh. Take them to our quarters, Sholakh. It
may please me to squeeze the truth out of them at my leisure.
SHOLAKH: You heard, guards! Move it!
(The robbery has been discovered.)
SHRIEVE: Nothing else missing, sir.
CAPTAIN: Well, that's something. The thief must have been disturbed.
(The Captain examines the hole cut in the display case glass.)
CAPTAIN: Whoever he is, he knew what he was doing.
(The Graff enters.)
GRAFF: Captain! What is going on?
CAPTAIN: You heard the alarm?
CAPTAIN: The gold's been stolen.
GRAFF: It was in your keeping.
CAPTAIN: I have summoned the Seeker.
GRAFF: The Seeker?
CAPTAIN: A visionary. No wrongdoer escapes the Seeker's bones. I
promise you, the thief will be taken before morning.
GRAFF: Yes, well, I hope you're confident.
(The Graff sees the hole in the glass.)
CAPTAIN: What's wrong?
GRAFF: The jethrik! He's taken the jethrik!
CAPTAIN: The what?
GRAFF: The scringe stone! Look, it's gone!
CAPTAIN: I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing is missing
from here except your gold, merchant.
GRAFF: A blue stone. It was here just (the penny drops) You don't know
what scringe stone is?
CAPTAIN: I've never heard of it.
(The Graff's guards have found the core rod.)
SHOLAKH: What is that?
(The Doctor takes the rod.)
ROMANA: Actually, it's an instrument for
DOCTOR: It's for measuring time on nineteen different planets.
SHOLAKH: Let the girl answer.
DOCTOR: It can also be used for modifying dithyrambic oscillations,
cleaning your shoes, sharpening pencils. It can even peel your apples.
SHOLAKH: You won't be so cheerful when the Graff is done with you, my
DOCTOR: Oh, I don't know. Once I've explained this little mistake, I'm
sure we'll be the best of friends. (to Romana) Sit down. I get on, I
get on terribly well with the aristocracy.
(Garron's wrist comm. starts beeping. He tries to leave the room but is
blocked by armour. They grab his wrist and crush the comm. into his
SHOLAKH: So, there's someone else, eh, Garron? Another accomplice.
Well, we'll get him. The whole dirty gang of you will die together.
Now, don't anyone poke your nose outside this door, unless you want it
(Sholakh and the bodyguards leave.)
DOCTOR: We're not a dirty gang, are we?
ROMANA: Of course not.
UNSTOFFE: Come on, you stupid old fool, come on!
(Poor ragged people regard him suspiciously.)
(Garron has got a nasty cut on his right hand, and
is trying to pick pieces of comm. unit out of it.)
ROMANA: Let me see that.
GARRON: Oh, thank you.
ROMANA: Why did you do it?
GARRON: I was afraid Unstoffe might give our position away.
GARRON: Junior employee.
DOCTOR: What, with a open, honest face?
GARRON: Oh, yes, of course, you've seen him.
DOCTOR: Yes. I nearly bumped into him in the Reliquary. He's very light
on his feet, isn't he?
(Romana sprays the now clean wound.)
ROMANA: There, that should stop the bleeding.
GARRON: Oh, thank you very much. You're very kind. If you like, I'll
tell the Graff that you weren't part of my team. He won't believe me,
DOCTOR: Then there's not much point in telling him, is there?
GARRON: Quite. It's ironic, isn't it?
ROMANA: What's ironic?
GARRON: You just made a competent arrest. I do admire professionalism,
especially in the opposition. Now nobody'll ever hear of it. We'll all
DOCTOR: Is that supposed to comforting?
GARRON: There's no comfort in dying. I've always said it was the last
thing I want to do.
ROMANA: Why are you so sure the Graff will kill us? Who is he, anyway?
GARRON: He's a cold-blooded maniac. He likes killing people.
DOCTOR: Then wasn't it a little foolhardy trying to sell him a
DOCTOR: Yes, mine. That's your game, isn't it? Mines! GARRON: If mine's
mines, what's yours?
ROMANA: We're searching for the first segment to the Key to Time.
DOCTOR: Oh, never mind about that. Let's get out of here.
(The Doctor takes a dog whistle from his coat pocket.)
ROMANA: What's that, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I'm going to whistle up some help. Cover your ears.
(The Tardis door opens.)
(We get a better view of this open space with
braziers, surrounded by small living areas divided off by curtains or
blankets. An old man pulls back the curtain entrance to his hovel and
calls to Unstoffe.)
BINRO: Psst! In here, quick! Come on in.
(Unstoffe disappears behind the curtain.)
SHRIEVE: You! Here!
BINRO [OC]: What is it?
SHRIEVE: Show yourself! Show yourself! Hurry!
(Binro throws back the curtain to reveal just himself and his pile of
BINRO: What's the matter? What's going on?
SHRIEVE: We're hunting the thief who broke into the Relic room tonight.
BINRO: That's what all the fuss is about. You haven't caught him yet,
SHRIEVE: Would we be poking about in these bone pits if we had? Oh,
what a filthy hole.
BINRO: Oh well, now that I'm awake, you'll want to, er, want to see in
SHRIEVE: You can keep your fleas. I know your face, don't I?
BINRO: Maybe. It was well known in Shur once.
SHRIEVE: Of course. Binro. Binro the Heretic. So you're down to this,
BINRO: I live as I must.
SHRIEVE: Not for much longer by the looks of you. Well, you won't be
much missed, Binro.
BINRO: You think I care for the opinion of a lout like you?
SHRIEVE: Keep a civil tongue. That old neck of yours would snap like a
(The Shrieve leaves.)
BINRO: Hey, it's all right. He's gone.
(A woman with a painted face and wearing a hat
with antlers, is casting spells.)
SEEKER: Bones of our fathers, bones of our kings, seek and find. By the
flesh that once clothed you, by the spirit that moved you, seek. Seek
and find. Seek in the Icetime. Seek in the Suntime. Seek and find!
SHOLAKH: Primitive mumbo jumbo.
GRAFF: They believe in it. The Captain says it never fails.
SEEKER: Come to the circle, gods of the ice. Come to the circle, come
to the bones. Show, show, show what I seek! Aiee! I see him. He is at
the place of fires.
CAPTAIN: The Concourse? My men have searched that warren.
WOMAN: That is where he is. We will go there. I will seek him out.
(The Captain follows the Seeker out.)
SHOLAKH: What now, Highness?
GRAFF: Fetch the guards. We'll follow them, and if they find him
SHOLAKH: We take the jethrik.
GRAFF: Tell the guards we may have to fight our way out of the city.
(K9 is trundling along the stone corridors of the
castle. Romana is listening by the door.)
DOCTOR: When did you leave Earth, Garron?
GARRON: Oh, a long time ago. I was just an ambitious boy in those days,
taking my first steps in life. Then I had a bit of trouble with a
dissatisfied client and thought it best to leave.
DOCTOR: Really? What happened?
GARRON: He was an Arab. I sold him Sydney Harbour for fifty million
dollars. Yeah, then he thought I should throw in this Opera House as
GARRON: Oh, yes!
DOCTOR: The Opera House?
GARRON: Yeah, the Opera House, but I refused. I mean, one must have
some scruples, mustn't one.
DOCTOR: But of course.
GARRON: Well, I couldn't let that noble edifice to our cultural
heritage fall in the wrong hands, could I?
GARRON: No. But my refusal upset him. He took the impressive documents
that I had prepared to the government, and so my little ruse was
prematurely rumbled. He came after me with a machine gun. It was the
most harrowing experience. I never went back.
DOCTOR: I'm not surprised.
ROMANA: Doctor, there are men out there planning to kill us, and you're
just sitting here chattering.
DOCTOR: Please don't panic, Romana. Come and sit down. Come on, come
and sit down. Listen, when you've faced death as often as I have, this
is much more fun. Go on, Garron. Tell us about the jethrik.
ROMANA: Jethrik. What's so special about jethrik?
DOCTOR: Tell her, Garron.
GARRON: She doesn't know about it?
DOCTOR: No, she doesn't, do you?
GARRON: I thought such ignorance only existed on Grade three planets
ROMANA: Don't patronise me, Garron, just tell me.
GARRON: It's only the rarest and most powerful element in the universe.
Without jethrik drive, there'd be no space warping and I'd still be
safely at home on Earth.
DOCTOR: Where did you get your piece?
GARRON: Stroke of good luck. I acquired that some years ago.
DOCTOR: You stole it.
GARRON: Oh no, that's a very blunt word, isn't it?
DOCTOR: Fraud's another one. Tell me, Garron, how many jethrik mines
have you sold since then?
GARRON: I don't sell mines, Doctor.
GARRON: No. I sell planets. That's how I realised you weren't from
Alliance Security. They've been tailing me ever since I sold Mirabilis
Minor to some three different purchasers. Oh, I was in my prime in
those days, my golden period.
ROMANA: Do you know, I think his social maladjustment is entirely due
to a deep rooted sense of rejection.
GARRON: Look, all I do is take a little from those that have too much
and then I spread it around a bit. I help to keep the economy in
ROMANA: Yes, but if this piece of jethrik's so valuable, why don't you
just sell it? And then you'd have plenty to spread amongst those who
GARRON: Oh, I don't think it's worth all that much.
DOCTOR: Tell me something, Garron. Why do you think the Graff was
interested in buying this planet even before you conned him into
believing there was a jethrik mine here?
GARRON: He's crazy! You don't know about the Graff?
DOCTOR: I'm asking you, Garron.
GARRON: He was Emperor of Levithia once, and a bad one, a tyrant.
Raised an expedition force to go off to the Frontier Wars, leaving his
half-brother on the throne. And when the wars was ended, his people
refused to let him return.
DOCTOR: And now he's got nowhere to go, is that it?
GARRON: Says he's looking for a new world.
DOCTOR: What? A new world?
GARRON: Yeah, that's why he's here. Somewhere where he can raise a
battle fleet and force the Levithians to have him back. Ha! It's a mad,
hopeless dream. But a madman's money jingles in my pocket as well as
ROMANA: Mad or not, he saw through you.
GARRON: Oh, that was Unstoffe's fault, my dear. He's a terrible ham at
(Somebody screams outside.)
[Outside the Graff's quarters]
SHOLAKH: All right now, pay attention. Orders from
the Graff. It seems that these natives have got a line on the thief,
the one who took the jethrik and his Highness' gold. He's trapped in
some place called the Concourse. Now, the natives are planning to raid
this Concourse just before dawn, only we'll be there as well. And when
they arrive, we'll shoot the lot of them, is that clear? No survivors,
no tongue-waggers. We take the jethrik and the gold, and we head
straight back for the ship. With any luck, we'll be gone before they
know what's hit them. Kro. You stay on guard here. If all goes
according to plan, you should hear the firing from here. When you do,
kill all the prisoners immediately, understood?
KRO: Right, sir.
SHOLAKH [OC]: All right then, follow me.
(The bodyguards march away.)
DOCTOR: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of people are going to
die if we don't get out of here.
GARRON: Including us.
ROMANA: We've got until dawn, Doctor. How long's that?
DOCTOR: Must be nearly dawn now.
ROMANA: Aren't you frightened?
DOCTOR: Yes, terrified.
GARRON: If only my wrist speaker was working, I could warn him. I mean,
as long as he's free, we've got something to bargain with.
DOCTOR: No, they made too good a job of that.
GARRON: Hey, wait a minute. Now, where is it.
(Garron takes the microphone from the chimney.)
GARRON: A little hearing aid I planted earlier. It's on the same
wavelength as Unstoffe's two-way. Unfortunately, it's got no call
DOCTOR: Give me what's left of your own two-way.
(Unstoffe finishes a hot drink.)
UNSTOFFE: Thank you. Thank you for helping me escape.
BINRO: Oh, it was nothing.
UNSTOFFE: Why'd you do it?
BINRO: Well, I know what it's like when every man's hand is against
UNSTOFFE: Binro the Heretic.
BINRO: Oh, you heard that. Well, it wasn't much of a heresy, my friend.
Just a little thing.
BINRO: Oh, it was many years ago now. Have you ever looked up at the
sky at night, and seen those little lights?
UNSTOFFE: Mmm hmm.
BINRO: They are not ice crystals.
UNSTOFFE: Go on.
BINRO: I believe they are suns, just like our own sun. And perhaps each
sun has other worlds of its own, just as Ribos is a world. What do you
say to that?
UNSTOFFE: It's an interesting theory.
BINRO: What? Hey, a broad-minded man. Perhaps in the north, they are a
different people after all. You see, my friend, I have taken
measurements of those little lights and of our sun, and I can prove
that Ribos moves. It circles our sun, travelling far away and then
returning. That's the reason we have our two seasons, Suntime and
UNSTOFFE: Nobody believed you.
BINRO: Nah, those blockheads. They prefer to believe that Ribos is some
sort of battleground over which the Sun Gods and the Ice Gods fight for
supremacy. They said that if I did not publicly recant my belief, the
gods would destroy our world.
UNSTOFFE: And did you?
BINRO: In the end. See these hands? Useless for work now. That's why I
UNSTOFFE: Binro, supposing I were to tell you that everything you've
just said is absolutely true. There are other worlds, other suns.
BINRO: You believe it too?
UNSTOFFE: I know it for a fact. You see I come from one of those other
UNSTOFFE: I thought I should tell you, because one day, even here, in
the future, men will turn to each other and say, Binro was right.
DOCTOR: Put your finger there, Romana.
(Romana holds down a piece of the modified wrist comm.)
DOCTOR: Of course, I can't promise you that this will work.
GARRON: Without a receiver, we won't even know if it's worked anyway.
DOCTOR: Right, so keep your fingers crossed. Not you, Romana.
[Outside the Graff's quarters]
(Kro is the first victim of K9 mark II's nose
K9: Most satisfactory.
(Unstoffe's wrist comm. beeps, jolting Binro
BINRO: What is it?
UNSTOFFE: Er, it's, er, somebody trying to make me happy.
DOCTOR: That should catch his attention. You use
it, Garron. He knows your voice.
K9: Master. Mistress.
DOCTOR: Just a moment, K9.
GARRON: What's that?
DOCTOR: Never mind about that, Garron. Get on with it.
GARRON: Hello, Unstoffe. This is Garron.
GARRON [OC]: You can't call me back, so listen
carefully. You've been traced to the Concourse. They'll be raiding the
place any minute. Get out while you still have a chance. I repeat
UNSTOFFE: Don't bother, I heard you the first time.
BINRO: There's only one chance for you now, my friend. We must take
refuge in the Catacombs. Come, follow me.
(The Doctor and Garron carry Kro into the room.)
ROMANA: Is he dead?
K9: Negative. He'll be out for hours. I used stun at mark seven.
DOCTOR: Come on, quickly, let's get out of here.
[Outside the Graff's quarters]
(The Doctor picks up the bodyguard's weapon.)
DOCTOR: Which way's the Concourse?
GARRON: Straight ahead, down the stairs, then turn right.
(The Doctor gives Garron the weapon.)
DOCTOR: Come on. K9, don't stop at all the corners. Come on.
(Another incantation is underway.)
SEEKER: Bones, bones, shine in the darkness. Show what I seek. Shine
with the ice light, shine with the corpse light. Bring to the circle
the one whom I seek. If he be near me bring him before me. Bones of our
SHOLAKH: Our men have covered all the exits, Highness. No one will
SEEKER: Now, now, now! Aiee!
[Hall of the Dead]
(Binro opens a creaking door to a place with
monumental tombs and lots of big candles.)
UNSTOFFE: What is this place?
BINRO: Everybody comes here eventually, though not always alive. They
call it the Hall of the Dead.
UNSTOFFE: Let's not stop, then.
BINRO: The catacombs are this way. Come. Well, come. You're not afraid,
(Marching feet can be heard.)
DOCTOR: The Concourse that way guarded.
GARRON: Look, I'll take a look this way, okay?
ROMANA: Doctor, if they're all out searching for Unstoffe, why don't we
go down to the Relic room and get the segment? It'll be unguarded.
DOCTOR: Because it's not there.
ROMANA: Not there? But surely it's taken the shape of the crown.
DOCTOR: The crown has nothing to do with it. Look at the tracer.
ROMANA: Oh, that's the opposite direction from the Relic room.
DOCTOR: Yes, it's pointing toward Unstoffe and his piece of jethrik.
ROMANA: Oh, you mean it was disguised as the jethrik all along.
DOCTOR: Yes. I thought you'd have realised that, a bright girl like
ROMANA: How did you know?
DOCTOR: How many times do you think that crown has seen the light of
ROMANA: No idea.
DOCTOR: I'd say twice a century.
DOCTOR: Listen, now listen. We took two bearings on the segment in the
ROMANA: Ah ha.
DOCTOR: Now, obviously, the segment moved a considerable distance
between the readings, so
ROMANA: But the second time, it stayed put in the cabinet and it could
only have been there a day when we arrived, so it could only have been
the lump of jethrik which didn't belong there.
DOCTOR: Exactly. Garron and Unstoffe planted it there.
ROMANA: Of course.
DOCTOR: Simple, isn't it?
GARRON: All clear that way.
DOCTOR: Good. Unstoffe got the message.
GARRON: How'd you know?
DOCTOR: This little gadget points us toward the jethrik, and it's
pointing that way.
GARRON: Unstoffe's got the jethrik?
DOCTOR: Exactly. Come on, follow me.
SEEKER: He has gone.
CAPTAIN: Gone? But he can't have.
SEEKER: He is no longer in this place.
CAPTAIN: But you can find him.
SEEKER: It will do no good. The one you seek is in the Catacombs.
(The Seeker gathers up her scrying bones and leaves.)
GRAFF: Well, Captain?
CAPTAIN: He's escaped us.
GRAFF: You assured me he would be found.
CAPTAIN: He has gone to the Catacombs. He'll die there. The matter's
GRAFF: No, Captain, the matter is not over. He has my gold.
CAPTAIN: Your gold, eh? My men will not go to the Catacombs for your
SHOLAKH: Why not? What are these Catacombs?
CAPTAIN: They are an ancient labyrinth beneath the city. The home of
the long dead and of the Ice Gods.
[Hall of the Dead]
DOCTOR: Careful, careful. These steps are
(Claustrophobic and echoing.)
UNSTOFFE: How far do these stretch?
BINRO: Nobody knows. Our ancestors made them long, long ago, to house
their dead. They say that the Ice Gods live here.
UNSTOFFE: But you don't believe in the Ice Gods, Binro.
BINRO: No. No, of course not.
UNSTOFFE: Look, do you want to go back?
BINRO: Yes. No, I'll stay here with you.
(Something growls in the dark.)
UNSTOFFE: What was that?
BINRO: The Shrivenzale, I think. A colony of the creatures lives down
UNSTOFFE: Do you mean the same as that thing that guards the Relic
BINRO: That was a small one.
UNSTOFFE: Look, Binro, I, I, I think we'd better think about this.
BINRO: The fact that they can exist down here proves that there must be
another way up to the surface. See, they hunt for smaller animals on
the tundra, and then return here to their lair to sleep.
UNSTOFFE: That's all very well, Binro, but can we tiptoe past them?
BINRO: Well, let's see, shall we?
[Hall of the Dead]
(Romana follows the clicking of the tracer.)
DOCTOR: Your friend's got a good nose for a hiding place.
ROMANA: Straight ahead.
K9: Sentient life form
K9: (sotto) Sentient life forms approaching.
DOCTOR: Which way?
K9: Behind us.
K9: Quick, into these holes.
(Catacombs are rows of niches for bodies. The Doctor's niche still
contains a skeleton. Romana lies on top of Garron. The Graff and
Sholakh arrive, leading the bodyguards.)
SHOLAKH: He'll have gone deeper than this.
(The skull tumbles out of the Doctor's hiding place. Crash!)
GRAFF: Now we have him. He cannot escape, and no one will ever know how
he tried to trick the Graff Vynda-K.
(The noise has attracted a shrivenzale towards
them, it's growls echoing in the confined space.)
SHOLAKH: It's the beast! Take cover!
(Everyone vanishes until the creature has past.)
SHOLAKH: Guards, reform. These caves remind me of that labyrinth we had
to fight through on Freytus. We moved in darkness. Every forward step
things were squirming and crunching under our feet. Remember, Highness?
GRAFF: Almost a year without sight of sky. But these are not caves like
SHOLAKH: The air's the same, heavy and damp with the stench of death.
No wonder the natives wouldn't come here.
GRAFF: Why think you now of the Freytus labyrinth? What troubles you?
SHOLAKH: Our problem's the same, Graff. I mean, there we had two
legions searching for the enemy. Here, we have a few men searching for
one. It'll take as long.
GRAFF: Still the pessimist. Even if it takes twice as long, I shall not
leave this planet until I have that jethrik.
SHOLAKH: Then perhaps, Highness, we should have brought that old
boneshaker with us.
GRAFF: The Seeker?
SHOLAKH: If she truly has the gift of sniffing out fugitives
GRAFF: You're right, Sholakh. Yes, by heaven. We'll force that old
witch to lead us, even if we have to carry her. Come!
(The catacombs have given way to natural caves and
UNSTOFFE: You need a rest, Binro.
BINRO: No, no, no. I can go on.
UNSTOFFE: No, no, come on. I'm thinking of myself as well.
BINRO: Well, in that case
UNSTOFFE: Come on, sit down. Space travel rots the muscles, Binro.
BINRO: Space travel. How is it done, my friend? How do you fly between
UNSTOFFE: If we were to stay here the rest of our lives, Binro, I
couldn't begin to explain that one.
BINRO: I understand. There's so much still to learn.
(The Doctor has got out of his niche and into that
of Romana and Garron.)
ROMANA: Have they gone?
ROMANA: You nearly got us killed.
DOCTOR: If you call that being nearly killed, you haven't lived yet.
Just stay with me, and you'll get a lot nearer.
(A shrivenzale growls.)
DOCTOR: In fact, you're a lot nearer right now.
ROMANA: You've got an unconscious death wish.
GARRON: Don't bicker!
DOCTOR: No. No bickering.
ROMANA: Never bicker.
GARRON: No, we should be looking for my invaluable young friend
DOCTOR: Who's carrying a valuable piece of jethrik.
GARRON: What is property at such a time?
DOCTOR: Quite right, quite right.
ROMANA: What do we do now?
DOCTOR: You go that way, I'll go this way.
GARRON: Which way?
DOCTOR: That way.
GARRON: Oh, that way.
ROMANA: Back to the city?
DOCTOR: Well, someone's got to keep an eye on Vynda-K. Well, don't just
lie there, do something.
GARRON: What, now?
(The shrivenzale moves away.)
(Romana and Garron run back towards the entrance. The Doctor stops by
K9: You called, master?
DOCTOR: No, don't explain, don't explain. Look after those two. Off you
(Unstoffe has handed the jethrik to Binro.)
UNSTOFFE: If you had the knowledge of how to use it, Binro, there's
enough energy in there to move you and me across the universe.
BINRO: What? Really? No wonder men fight for it. But you didn't steal
this from the Relic room. Where did you get it?
UNSTOFFE: It belonged to a friend of mine.
BINRO: The one who sent his voice through the air into your hand?
UNSTOFFE: Garron, yes. I was supposed to meet Garron in the Concourse.
It was to be our contingency rendezvous.
BINRO: Yes. What?
UNSTOFFE: We were supposed to meet there if anything went wrong. He
didn't turn up, so I suppose he must be in trouble himself.
BINRO: You're worried about him, aren't you, my friend.
UNSTOFFE: Yes. You see, we've worked together for a long time, and this
was to be our last job. He often talks of going back to Hackney Wick.
BINRO: What's that?
UNSTOFFE: Well, for all I can make out, it's just a mud patch in the
middle of nowhere. But I suppose it's home to him.
BINRO: I don't understand.
UNSTOFFE: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just thinking aloud. Well, you see, I've
a feeling this was our last job after all, only it hasn't turned out
quite the way we expected.
BINRO: Perhaps I should go back and look for him.
UNSTOFFE: Do you think you could find your way from here?
BINRO: From here, yes, but if we go any farther into these caves, it'll
not be possible.
UNSTOFFE: And the deeper we go, the more chance there is of our being
BINRO: Yes, or of the roof falling in. You see, these caves are very
old and dangerous. But on the other hand, there may be another way from
here up to the surface. I'll do whatever you think is best, my friend.
UNSTOFFE: But there could be danger waiting for you back in the city.
BINRO: Who knows I helped you? No, no. Nobody notices old Binro the
UNSTOFFE: You'd risk your life for me? Why?
BINRO: You wouldn't understand. For years, I was jeered and derided. I
began to doubt even myself. Then you came along, and you told me I was
right. Just to know that for certain, Unstoffe, well, is worth a life,
(Unstoffe takes off his wrist communicator.)
UNSTOFFE: You'd better take this, just in case Garron suspects it's
some kind of trick.
BINRO: Oh, thanks. I'll try to hurry.
UNSTOFFE: Good luck.
(The Doctor is hiding behind a pillar, listening
to the Graff.)
GRAFF: Captain, I'm tired of waiting. How much longer?
CAPTAIN: The Seeker will come in her own time.
GRAFF: That's not polite, is it, Sholakh?
SHOLAKH: It's grossly discourteous, Highness.
GRAFF: Grossly? You'd go so far as to say that, would you?
SHOLAKH: I'd even say insulting.
GRAFF: Then I have a right to be angry, Sholakh. Someone should be
SHOLAKH: It'd teach him the value of good manners, Highness.
(The Graff uses his alien weapon to kill an off-screen Shrieve. The man
dies with a gurgle. The Doctor uses the distraction to run past the
SHOLAKH: An excellent shot, Highness.
CAPTAIN: He's dead! What have you done?
GRAFF: Slightly high and to the left.
SHOLAKH: Still an excellent shot.
GRAFF: Thank you.
CAPTAIN: You're not from the north. What are you?
GRAFF: Impatient, Captain! Tell the Seeker I want her here now!
SHOLAKH: What are you waiting for, Captain?
(The Captain leaves.)
SHOLAKH: That stirred them up a bit.
GRAFF: I flatter myself I know how to get the best from natives.
(The Graff follows the Captain. The Doctor watches the Shrieves carry
away their fallen comrade from an upper window outside the Graff's
quarters. He then goes inside to where Kro the bodyguard still lies
(K9 is leading Romana through the maze.)
ROMANA: Garron? Garron, where are you?
K9: He has departed, Mistress.
ROMANA: Well, that's obvious. But where?
K9: To see a man about a dog.
K9: That was the information he imparted.
ROMANA: Well, why didn't you tell me earlier?
K9: You did not ask, Mistress. Which route, Mistress?
(Romana checks searches for the rod.)
ROMANA: The tracer. He's stolen the tracer! Oh, how could I have been
such a fool.
K9: Question not understood. Kindly rephrase.
ROMANA: It's vital to get that tracer back. What can I do?
K9: I will run through my databanks for information.
ROMANA: I wasn't asking you, K9.
K9: No other entity is present.
ROMANA: I was talking to myself.
K9: That procedure is not logical. The purpose of speech is to
ROMANA: Be quiet, K9. You're a very irritating computer.
ROMANA: Oh, I'm sorry, K9. What can we do now?
K9: Seek, mistress.
(The Graff's bodyguards lead the Seeker through
SHOLAKH: Move yourself, unless you want my boot behind you.
GRAFF: We'll soon know the truth now, Sholakh, and if she proves a
charlatan, we'll use her carcass for target practice.
SHOLAKH: Oh, she knows that already. Those bones of hers are shaking
even when she's standing still.
(The Graff follows the Seeker. Sholakh spots a bodyguard standing in
SHOLAKH: You! Double up. What's keeping you?
(Unstoffe hears a clicking sound coming from the
direction of the catacombs, and hides.)
GARRON: If I ain't standing at your feet, my son, this instrument has
to be Japanese.
GARRON: Ah, there you are.
UNSTOFFE: How did you find me?
GARRON: Oh, the wonders of modern technology, my boy. This remarkable
piece of equipment of a jethrik detector. In that bag, I perceive.
UNSTOFFE: Yeah, but first things first, Garron.
GARRON: Yes, exactly. You know how attached I am to that piece of
(Garron takes the bag.)
GARRON: Ah, do I hear the chink of the Graff's gold?
UNSTOFFE: Money isn't everything, Garron.
GARRON: Well, who wants everything? Ha, I'll settle for ninety percent.
[Hall of the Dead]
(The Seeker is casting the bones.)
SEEKER: I see him. The one you seek is here.
GRAFF: Then lead us to him.
SEEKER: We shall not reach him. I see death standing between us.
SHOLAKH: You're wrong, witch. Death is standing right behind you.
SEEKER: I will lead him if that be your wish, but all but one of us is
doomed to die. Thus has it been written.
GARRON: Our problem now, my boy, is to find a way
UNSTOFFE: If we move from here, Binro will never find us again.
GARRON: Do you think he'll come back for you?
UNSTOFFE: Of course he will. After he's searched the city for you, and
that'll probably take him hours.
GARRON: Well, let's hope the Graff doesn't get here first.
UNSTOFFE: There's not much chance of that. These caves stretch for
GARRON: I don't know. He's press-ganged some native witch.
UNSTOFFE: What, the Seeker?
GARRON: You know about her?
UNSTOFFE: Yeah, Binro told me about her. Hey, what about this Doctor
and the girl? Any chance of them finding us?
GARRON: Oh, I sincerely hope not.
UNSTOFFE: Why not? I thought they'd helped you escape.
GARRON: We were temporarily allies in adversity.
UNSTOFFE: Where are they now?
GARRON: The girl's wandering about somewhere. The Doctor said he'd go
back and keep an eye on the Graff.
UNSTOFFE: Just a minute, Garron. Garron, wandering about down here?
GARRON: Well, I imagine so. Unless she happens to have another of these
(Unstoffe takes the tracer from Garron.)
UNSTOFFE: You stole it from her. That's where you got it from.
GARRON: Well, I relieved her of it. It seemed such a responsibility for
a young girl.
(Garron takes it back.)
UNSTOFFE: You cabberly old hypocrite. How could you?
GARRON: Well, I admit I had a great trouble with me conscience.
Fortunately, I won.
(The Seeker is dowsing her path with a pair of leg
SEEKER: Deeper, fibula and tibia. Lead us deeper, deeper yet. SHOLAKH:
GRAFF: By those rocks over there. Something moved.
SHOLAKH: You two. Bring him here.
(Two bodyguards go forward and return with the old heretic.)
GRAFF: What are you doing here?
BINRO: Looking for fossils.
GRAFF: Fossils? Grave robbing, more like.
BINRO: I sell them sometimes. You see, I cannot work. I am too old.
SHOLAKH: What's in your hand?
(Sholakh takes Unstoffe's wrist communicator from Binro.)
SHOLAKH: A strange fossil, Highness. All right, where'd you get this
BINRO: Found it.
SHOLAKH: Come on, the truth, old one, or we'll blast your head off.
GRAFF: Not yet. Bring him.
SEEKER: Deeper, deeper, and even deeper.
(As the last bodyguard passes, we see the end of a striped scarf
trailing from under his cloak.)
[Hall of the Dead]
(The Shrieves wheel in a small but perfectly
formed cannon and aim it at the entrance to the Catacombs.)
CAPTAIN: That'll do. Now, pack it with shot. They say none ever returns
from the deep Catacombs, and if any of that lot do, they won't get very
SEEKER: The bones, the bones, the bones, the bones
are alive! The one you seek is here!
BINRO: This is where, Highness. I'll show you.
BINRO: Unstoffe! Unstoffe!
GRAFF: Kill him!
GARRON: You fool! You fool!
(Binro is shot in the back and falls into Unstoffe's arms.)
BINRO: Right. I was right, Unstoffe?
GARRON: Was that Binro? Charming fellow, the little I saw of him.
UNSTOFFE: They're murderers. They're murderers!
GARRON: Now don't be a fool. Don't be a fool, Unstoffe!
GARRON: Unstoffe, don't be
(Unstoffe gets shot in the shoulder as he rushes the Graff. He sinks to
his knees. Garron runs to him.)
GARRON: Unstoffe! Unstoffe!
(The cave roof begins to fall in.)
SHOLAKH: Over here! Hurry!
UNSTOFFE: Binro said the roof wasn't safe.
GRAFF: Guards, the jethrik!
UNSTOFFE: Here, take it.
(Unstoffe throws the bag towards the Graff.)
GARRON: No, Unstoffe.
(Sholakh picks the bag up.)
SHOLAKH: It's here, Highness, and the gold.
GRAFF: Good. When these criminals have been executed, we shall almost
have settled our score here. Now, how did you escape, Garron?
GARRON: Ingenuity, Highness. Sheer ingenuity.
GRAFF: And where are the others, your two accomplices?
GARRON: Not accomplices, Highness. You mean the Security agents.
GRAFF: Security agents?
GARRON: Yeah, that's the irony of it. They just arrested us for landing
on a Class three planet and didn't even know of your presence until you
made it felt.
GRAFF: You lie!
GARRON: Why should I bother? No, Graff, their report will be with the
Alliance shortly, and you'll no longer be a nobleman of the Cyrrhenic
Empire, and an honoured war veteran. You'll just be a common criminal
GRAFF: Stand them against that wall!
(The bodyguards push Garron and Unstoffe against the rock while the
Doctor blows his dog whistle.)
SHOLAKH: Firing squad, fall in!
GARRON: Unstoffe, my son.
GARRON: I was going to make a touching speech, but my throat is too
(A shrivenzale enters the cave.)
SHOLAKH: Stand fast. Attack the beast!
(Weapons fire can be heard.)
ROMANA: Can you locate it, K9?
K9: Position determined, mistress. This way.
ROMANA: There's a good computer.
[Hall of the Dead]
SHRIEVE: I can hear firing.
CAPTAIN: Get back, then. Take cover. I'll close the Catacombs forever.
(The Captain uses a candle to light the cannon's fuse. KaBOOM!)
(It causes rockfalls even here.)
SHOLAKH: Back, Highness, back.
(The roof falls in on the bodyguards as the Seeker screams.)
SHOLAKH: No. No, Highness, leave me. I'm done.
GRAFF: Not you, Sholakh. Never.
SHOLAKH: My guts are flattened.
GRAFF: Look, I'll get you out. You'll be all right.
SHOLAKH: The jethrik, Highness. Take the jethrik.
GRAFF: Here, you, help me with my general.
SEEKER: Too late. He is dead.
GRAFF: Leave us!
(The Seeker and a bodyguard leave. The Graff closes Sholakh's eyes.)
GRAFF: I'll avenge you, Sholakh. I'll bombard this stinking planet till
it's nothing but a smoking hole in space!
(The Graff kisses Sholakh's eyelids, takes the jethrik, a weapon and
the gold, and leaves. There are still two warm bodies here behind a
wall of rock.)
UNSTOFFE: Come on, now, Garron.
GARRON: Oh, I'm dead already.
UNSTOFFE: Get up.
GARRON: Oops. Oh, such lousy shots. They got me in the foot.
UNSTOFFE: You're not shot. The roof just fell in.
GARRON: So we're buried alive. Oh, Unstoffe, I don't like the options
UNSTOFFE: Shush. Listen.
(On the other side of the rockfall.)
ROMANA: Listen, K9. There's somebody behind there. Hello, can you hear
(The sound of rock hitting rock.)
ROMANA: There is someone. Help me move this rock, K9. Oh. Oh, it's no
good. It won't budge. Can you do anything to help, K9?
K9: Affirmative. Please stand clear, mistress.
(K9 lasers the rocks to atoms without any more falling into their
GARRON: Oh, my dear. Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you
everywhere! You, er, dropped this.
(Garron gives Romana the tracer.)
ROMANA: Into your hand, yes. Let's go, shall we?
(The Graff joins the Seeker and his 'bodyguard'.)
GRAFF: Soldier, I'm going to blow up these caves behind us.
SEEKER: What are you doing, alien? The Ice Gods
GRAFF: Silence! These caves will not shelter your scum from my
missiles. Now, you made a prophecy, old woman. What was it?
SEEKER: All but one doomed to die. Thus written.
GRAFF: Then die now.
(The Graff kills the Seeker.)
GRAFF: No, not you soldier. I have a more honourable purpose for you.
So you're the last of my guards, eh? The last of my Levithian
Invincibles. All the rest are dead now, even Sholakh. Were you with me
on Skarrn, soldier?
DOCTOR: No, sir.
GRAFF: So many battles, Skarrn, the Freytus labyrinth, Crestus Minor.
Now there was a fight! I remember Sholakh planting my standard in the
very heart of the Crestan general! So many battles, so many years, but
over now. All but one of us doomed to die, soldier. Thus has it been
(The Graff produces a small box, and sets it beeping. He gives it to
GRAFF: There is no greater honour, soldier, then to surrender your life
in the service of the Graff Vynda-K.
(The Graff embraces his soldier as if to kiss him on both cheeks, then
walks up the Catacombs with the sounds of past battles ringing in his
GRAFF: All but one of us! Sholakh. Sholakh? Sholakh! To me! To me!
Charge! Onwards! Onwards! Push their attack back! Onwards! Onwards!
(The Graff goes around a corner, still calling to dead soldiers.)
DOCTOR: Three, two, one.
(Bang! Scream! The Doctor bends forward so his helmet falls off then
lets his breath out and holds up the jethrik.)
(The Doctor and Romana return to the Tardis.)
DOCTOR: Four o'clock and all's well. Goodbye, Garron!
GARRON: Doctor, I still don't understand.
DOCTOR: What don't you understand, Garron? Go on, ask me something.
What is it don't you understand? Who came first, the chicken or the
egg? Go on, ask me something. Ask me something.
GARRON: How did you manage to switch the jethrik for the thermite pack
without the Graff noticing?
DOCTOR: Garron, I would've thought you'd have known that. Sleight of
hands. GARRON: Oh.
DOCTOR: I was trained by Maskelyne.
ROMANA: Quite clever, really.
DOCTOR: I do dislike faint praise. It was astoundingly clever, wasn't
GARRON: Indeed it was, Doctor.
GARRON: Oh, Doctor?
GARRON: A favour to beg. Do you think I might just handle the jethrik
once more? Please? For old time's sake, you know?
DOCTOR: All right.
GARRON: Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? I'm so reluctant to part with it.
(Garron strokes the stone like a pet and turns his back on the Doctor,
putting it in his pocket before turning back.)
GARRON: Oh, dear me. Well, there you are, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Thank you very much. Goodbye, Garron.
(The Doctor hugs Garron.)
GARRON: Oh, goodbye, Doctor.
DOCTOR: What's your name?
DOCTOR: Goodbye, Unstoffe.
UNSTOFFE: Goodbye, Doctor.
(The Doctor goes into the Tardis.)
ROMANA: Come along, K9. Goodbye.
GARRON + UNSTOFFE: Goodbye.
(K9 and Romana enter the Tardis and close the door.)
UNSTOFFE: Well, that's it, Garron. We'll have to go straight now.
GARRON: Oh come, my boy, don't be downhearted. We haven't done too
UNSTOFFE: Haven't done too badly? We've lost the jethrik, and we've
come out of this without a penny.
GARRON: Oh, don't forget that there's the Graff's ship stuffed with
eighteen years of loot.
UNSTOFFE: You crafty old
(The Tardis dematerialises.)
UNSTOFFE: That's a queer takeoff.
GARRON: Well, thank goodness he's gone. I was afraid he'd notice.
UNSTOFFE: Notice? What?
GARRON: We haven't lost the jethrik. I switched it for a piece of
ordinary stone. Yeah, I did. Look!
(Garron takes the stone from his pocket.)
GARRON: He switched it back again. Oh, Unstoffe, is there nobody you
can trust these days?
(Romana carefully places the jethrik on a white
table. The Doctor holds the tracer near it.)
DOCTOR: Would you like to do it? Here.
ROMANA: Well, perhaps you'd better do it, Doctor.
DOCTOR: All right. No, you do it. Go on, you do it. I'll just stand
here and watch.
(Romana gently touches the jethrik with the tracer. It hums then turns
into an irregular section of hard perspex. Romana breathes again.)
DOCTOR: The first segment. Simple, wasn't it. Only five more to go.