Vastra Investigates

Original Airdate: 17 Dec, 2012


(Strax the Sontaran Butler is putting handcuffs on a man.)
STRAX: Prepare for obliteration, Earthling scum.
INSPECTOR: Actually, Mister Strax, if you could just take him aside for a moment, I have some officers on the way.
STRAX: As you wish. Humans.
JENNY: Sorry. He is new.
INSPECTOR: Funny looking fellow but, Turkish, is he?
VASTRA: He is a genetically modified clone warrior from outer space.
INSPECTOR: Ah. Makes sense. Well, what a case. Identical twins, poison undetectable to science, an ancient Egyptian curse. Once more Scotland Yard is in your debt, Madame Vastra. Where would we be without you?
VASTRA: Quite some distance from a clue, one imagines.
INSPECTOR: You might be right. Does it ever hurt?
VASTRA: Does what hurt?
INSPECTOR: Your skin condition. Always wondered.
JENNY: It's not a condition, Inspector. It's just skin.
INSPECTOR: Are you sure?
VASTRA: I am, as I may have failed to mention, an intelligent reptile from an ancient civilisation long preceding mankind. Many of us slumber under the Earth's crust.
JENNY: Madame was accidentally awoken by an extension to the London Underground.
INSPECTOR: Well, that would account for it.
VASTRA: I was not initially keen on the society of apes, but I made the most elementary of errors. I fell in love.
(Vastra and Jenny gaze into each others eyes.)
INSPECTOR: What, with the Turkish fellow?
VASTRA: No. Not with the Turkish fellow.
INSPECTOR: Good lord. Good lord.
VASTRA: Come along, my dear.
JENNY: Yes, my darling.
INSPECTOR: Good lord.


JENNY: Still no word from the Doctor, then?
VASTRA: No, my dear. And there won't be.
JENNY: He can't sulk in his box forever.
VASTRA: Heartbreak is a burden to us all. Pity the man with two.
JENNY: It's starting to snow.
VASTRA: But it can't be.
JENNY: Well, it is nearly Christmas.
VASTRA: But the clouds.
JENNY: What about them?
VASTRA: There aren't any.

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