The Great Detective

Original Airdate: 16 Nov, 2012


NARRATOR [OC]: In London in the time of Queen Victoria, there were many tales of a remarkable personage known as the Great Detective. I refer, of course, to Madame Vastra, the lizard woman of Paternoster Row and her extraordinary adventures, her beautiful assistant, Jenny Flint, and their mysterious henchman, Strax, whose countenance was too abominable to be photographed. There are also accounts of a fourth member of the Paternoster Gang, a shadowy figure whose assistance was only sought in the direst emergencies.
VASTRA: I'm so glad you came. We have news, I think, of particular interest to you. There was a meteor shower in the southwest, unexpected timing and density. I've calculated there is a thirty four percent chance it is the result of alien intervention. Twenty four percent. Well, they could just be meteors but it is worth looking in to. There is a very pleasant tea room in the area.
JENNY: Also, there's a Professor Arasmus Pink who's claiming he's going to split the world open with a giant drill through the thinnest part of the Earth's crust. I think we should investigate. I mean, he doesn't actually have a giant drill, and he's not really a professor, and he was a bit drunk at the time and singing a bit, but you know it is never too early to investigate a drill.
STRAX: I've declared war on the moon.
VASTRA: Do be quiet, Strax.
STRAX: Too long the moon has hung unmonitored and unsuspected in the sky. It has gained an enormous tactical advantage.
JENNY: There's no one living there.
STRAX: Then it is clearly time to act. They won't suspect a thing.
JENNY: Who won't suspect a thing?
STRAX: Moonites.
DOCTOR: Why do you keep doing this? What is the point? I have told you. I keep telling you, I don't do this any more. I've retired.
JENNY: There's a man on Praed Street with an invisible wife. Maybe he just doesn't have a wife.
DOCTOR: You're wasting my time.
(The Doctor walks past them.)
JENNY: Merry Christmas!
(And out of sight.)
JENNY: I think he means it.
VASTRA: Yes, my dear, I rather think he does.
STRAX: Damn moon.

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