[Bridge]

GWYN: We've got rogue Romulan factions closing in behind us.
ZERO: We're leaving the Neutral Zone.
GWYN: The Dauntless has locked on to our coordinates. They're hailing us.
ROK: Jamming comms.
DAL: How do our shields look?
ZERO: Shields at maximum.
POG: Ah! Oh, we've got incoming!
ZERO: Shields at 23%.
DAL: Rok, send the message, Morse Code. Fire off their bow.
ROK: Do not contact, virus aboard.
POG: Nope, they don't get it. They just think we're firing at them. Round two inbound!
DAL: Evasive manoeuvres!
ZERO: Shields are gone, captain.
GWYN: We're caught in their tractor beam. If they take our ship, the Living Construct activates.
DAL: Then disable that beam. Open fire!
POG: Oh boy, they didn't like that. Torpedo three coming our way!
GWYN: Brace for impact.
DAL: End simulation!

[Holodeck]

POG: Oh, well, maybe we'll nail it the 87th time.
DAL: Doesn't matter. No matter what we try, we lose every time.
ROK: We'll find a way out of the Neutral Zone. We'll get to the Federation.
GWYN: Maybe it's time we consider we stop trying to go to Starfleet.
JANEWAY: Wow. It's like a funeral in here.
DAL: Might as well be. Our dreams of joining the Federation are dead.
JANEWAY: You've been up for days. Get some rest. What isn't present today might reveal itself tomorrow.
POG: In stressful times like this, Jankom Pog knows just the solution.

[Mess hall]

GWYN: This does make me feel a lot better, but what sort of lunatic would whip cream?
DAL: Who was I kidding? Starfleet is the best and brightest in the galaxy, and I'm just some accident from a petri dish.
POG: Sounds like you earned yourself two more scoops of sadness.
ALL: Pile it on!
POG: That Tellarite officer said lots of mean things about me. Jankom can take it, but to call me short...
ALL: Pile it on!
POG: Oh, what Jankom wouldn't give to slap his soggy jowls. With words, of course.
GWYN: I'd like to slap my father for all he's put me through, with my hand.

[Protostar]

DAL: Let's hit the holo-sim at 0800.
POG: How about 08-whenever-Pog-wakes-up-hundred?

[Dal's quarters]

DAL: Computer, turn everything off. Let the darkness take me. Computer, music off.
(But it doesn't stop.)

[Gwyn's quarters]

GWYN: Huh? (comms) Did anyone else just see a feral human suffering from malnutrition strolling around on our ship?

[Protostar]

POG: No, but some odd-looking glittery puffball is giving me kissy lips?
ROK: Glittersmooch! Glittersmooch! Oh my gosh, aren't you the cutest thing.
POG: Wow, you know that thing?
POG: Look, I ain't judging, but how did your holo-pet escape the holodeck?
ZERO: There must be a malfunction with the holo-emitters.
GWYN: That would explain the feral human.
ZERO: But it doesn't make sense. These holograms aren't permitted to leave the holodeck, unless...

[Planet surface]

ZERO: ..I fear it may be far worse. Friends, I believe we never left the holodeck at all.
DAL: It wasn't real? The ship? The mess hall? The ice cream?
ZERO: All of them, fake.
ROK: Not the ice cream.
DAL: All of it, a simulation. Computer, exit programme. Computer, summon arch. Janeway, can you read me?

[Protostar]

JANEWAY: Loud and clear. I'm detecting your life signs inside the holodeck, all right, but the arch refuses to respond. A disruption in subspace could be interfering with the ship's functions. Try to sit tight...

[Planet surface]

JANEWAY [OC]: ..while I get to the bottom of it.
GWYN: If we're all stuck in one room, how is Zero all the way over there?
ROK: Motion floor tracking, visual horizon manipulation. A holodeck tricks the mind to create any scenario.
ZERO: I recognise this holo-programme. I often spend my recreational time here. Come in, come in. It's quite enjoyable.
DAL: Well, if we're trapped here a while, we may as well enjoy it.

[Tower]

ZERO: Welcome to the headquarters of the Cellar Door Society, purveyors of puzzling puzzles, amateur sleuthing, and milquetoast mysteries.
POG: Yeah, this is a hard pass.
DAL: I don't think we have a choice. So, what dorky task do we have to do? Return an overdue library book?
ZERO: Dal, the Cellar Door Society deals with precarious adventures, like the Case of the Phony Pharaoh, or the Case of the Biting Ghost, or the Case...
POG: Ooo, found a clue! This is dumb. Let's get out of here.
ZERO: You can tease all you want, but every time I solve a mystery, the programme ends and the arch reappears.
ROK: So if we play detective, we'll find a way out.
GWYN: All right, what's the mystery?
ZERO: It only reveals itself at the stroke of midnight.
(Tall case clock chimes.)
ZERO: Ah ha!
(Three envelopes come through the letter box.)
ZERO: The mystery is a feet. Get it? Feet. It's at our eh?
DAL: For the Cellar Door Society. Together, you can solve the case.
ZERO: The sooner we solve the mystery, the sooner we can leave the holodeck.
DAL: Er, it's just scribbles.
POG: Oh, yeah. Jankom's having a blast already.
ROK: Gwyn, use your linguistic skills. What language is this?
GWYN: No language. It's gibberish.
ZERO: Or maybe it's a clue.
DAL: This sounds like a lot of work, Zero.
ZERO: Think, Dal. The envelope said the clues were meant for us, together.
ROK: Murf, put your paper over mine. Jankom!
POG: Huh?
GWYN: Cellar Door Society, endless adventure awaits you with...
ZERO: ..the case The Case of the Lost Skeleton Key! That's what we're after to solve the mystery.
DAL: Great, so we find a key, then this dumb holo ends?
ZERO: An excellent deduction.
DAL: Sounds easy enough.
POG: Skeleton key? What's it made of? Bones or something?
ROK: Don't look at me. I'm just doing what everyone else is doing.
GWYN: What is that?
(A glow behind the inner door.)
DAL: And did we just get a music soundtrack?

[Street]

BIKER: Look at short stuff here. Did you come to get stepped on?
ROK: You know these guys, Zero?
ZERO: No, this is something different.
DAL: Is it me, or do they all kind of look like...?
POG: Yep. It's my programme. Jankom's been using this street fighting sim to let off some steam.
ROK: I'm starting to worry one of these hooligans knows something about our key.
ZERO: I'm not worried about getting hurt. I'm worried our two holo-programmes have somehow merged.
POG: Leave the key to me. Hoo. Stand back and watch me play.
(Fight.)
POG: Who's got arms? Give us the key!
ROK: Whoa!
GWYN: Okay, now I see why you all spend so much time in here.
POG: But don't worry, the safety protocols are on. It is impossible to get hurt in here. Whoa!
(Pog gets kicked along the street.)
POG: Hey, that actually hurt.
DAL: Oh, no.
GWYN: What happened to the safety protocols?
DAL: They've been shut off! (a biker punches him) I don't think this is a game anymore. Janeway!

[Protostar]

JANEWAY: I'm trying to re-enable safety protocols out here, but my settings only allow work on non-essential functions. Dal, could you...?
DAL [OC]: Use my command code, GB64N32X!

[Street]

DAL: Whoa! Ah! This hologram really doesn't want us to find the Skeleton Key.
POG: This isn't a game anymore. We could die in here!
(The rest join in. One biker left, with a tattoo.)
DAL: The key.
ZERO: Grab him. It may be our only way out of this programme. The tattooed ruffian flees.
(And runs into Rok.)
ROK: Please?
DAL: We captured the guy with the key. Shouldn't the arch be appearing right about now?
BIKER: You kids will never escape.
POG: His tattoo, it ain't just a key.
ZERO: The Key Club?
(The hologram disappears.)
DAL: Where'd he go?
(Rain starts, it turns monochrome.)
DAL: Wha...? What's happening now?
(They are outside the Key Club - art deco era.)
ZERO: We've unlocked the next chapter.

[Key Club]

ROK: Whose simulation is this?
POG: Er, not mine.
M C: Look what the cat dragged in. Come on up here and give us a song, would you? Ladies and gentlemen, Mister Murfy No Shoes!
MURF: ♪ So you're feeling blue and having a bad day? ♪
ALL: Murf?
MURF: ♪ Don't you fret it. Just smile and forget it. With your cup half full, I swear those blues won't stay. ♪
POG: Er... what?
GWYN: Murf can speak?
ROK: And Murf can dance!
ZERO: Or convincingly lip sync.
DAL: Let's split up and find the key before things get any stranger.
MURF: ♪ Why should I worry, if the skies are sometimes gray. The sun can... ♪
GWYN: Barista, could I get a Jumja tea? You wouldn't happen to have seen a...
DIVINER: Jumja tea coming right up.
GWYN: How are you...?
DIVINER: You look like you've seen a ghost.
GWYN: My father's holo must have merged with the others.
DIVINER: You know, I don't just serve drinks. I listen as well.
GWYN: I guess I'm just surprised to see you here.
DIVINER: Do we know each other?
GWYN: Not as well as you'd think.
GLITTER: What are you looking at?!
ZERO: Is that from...?
ROK: Yep, another patient from Delta Heart Hospital.
ZERO: The further into the maze we go, the more the simulations merge.
ROK: There's thousands of programmes in the databanks. Why is it choosing all of ours?
ZERO: Ooo! Fascinating observation. The holodeck may have more than a malfunction. It has a motive.
ROK: Are you saying this is happening for a reason?
POG: Anyone seen a skeleton key? Looking for a skeleton key. Hey, you, skeleton key? Have you seen a skeleton key? Anybody? Key? Skeleton?
(Opens a briefcase full of gold-pressed latinum.)
POG: Time to go-go.
GWYN: My father put the fate of our world on my shoulders, without ever asking.
DIVINER: It sounds like despite your pop's intentions, you gotta find your own way.
DAL: Speaking of... Which way out of here?
GANGSTER: Get them! Over there! No, not there! There!
ZERO: There are two mysteries at hand. First, the Case of the Skeleton Key. Second, the riddle as to why the holodeck has trapped us here.
MURF: ♪ You can melt those clouds away, and it's a guarantee that you will have a bright new day. So pick that chin up and... ♪
ROK: Hmm. For such a swanky joint, you'd think they'd fix that piano.
ZERO: Fix it?
ROK: Sounds like it's got a missing key.
BOTH: The missing key!
GANGSTER: Get them!
ROK: The piano has a missing key!
GWYN: Let's pop this blow stand.
DAL: I don't think that's how it goes.
POG: Move it, piano man.
(Rok lifts a key, the piano opens up.)
ZERO: Spectacular.
DAL: Murf!
ZERO: To the next adventure.
(They jump into the piano.)

[Pirate ship]

(In colour.)
ZERO: The programme's breaking down, merging with the others.
PIRATE: Ahoy! Welcome back, Captain. Prepare for a long journey.
POG: Er...
DAL: Huh. Okay, so I sneak in here once in a while too. It's nice to have a crew that respects me.
PIRATE: Fancy a snack, Cap'n?
GWYN: No time. The key has to be on board.
DAL: All right, me hearties, we're looking for a rare treasure. A skeleton key!
PIRATES: Aye-aye! Aye-aye-aye! We'll find it. We will find it! I shall go overboard to look!
(A giant tentacle slaps the vessel.)
PIRATE: Monster! Off the port bow! No, no, no, no, no!
ROK: That's not a monster. It's a sparkle sea-hugger! My favourite!
ZERO: The corrupted holodeck programmes are bleeding together at a wildly dangerous pace.
POG: If we don't find that key pronto, we're gonna be hugged to death.
ROK: No, Sea-Hugger! No more hugging! Bad girl! Bad!
(Pog gets grabbed.)
GWYN: This is from your sim, Rok. How did you take care of it before?
ROK: Er... This poor creature is malnourished. I prescribe fruit and fibre. Fire!
(From the cannon straight into its mouth. It goes back underwater.)
POG: Nice vet work, Rok. Any chance you practiced ship repair too?
ROK: I'm in my happy place, surrounded by colourful creatures, snuggling.
ZERO: We're taking on water.
DAL: You really are a detective.
GWYN: Hey, guys. Murf found another clue.
DAL: Look, it's a compass.
ROK: Pointing us to the Delta Heart Vet?
POG: Argh. This game never ends.
ZERO: Never ends. Stop, we're not going anywhere!
ROK: Easy for you to say. You can float.
ZERO: Yes, we could follow the compass, but it'd just lead us to another clue, and another. It never ends because there is no skeleton key.
DAL: Yeah, you said if we solved the mystery, we'd get out of here.
ZERO: The missing key is a ruse to keep us preoccupied from solving the real mystery - why we're trapped in the first place. Let me deduce. At first, we would've never known we were in the holodeck if it hadn't been for those glitches. After Rok astutely observed our favourite recreational simulations were involved, I knew it couldn't be a glitch, a malfunction, or even a disruption in subspace as Janeway noted. It must be a calculated attempt to keep us here.
HOLOGRAMS [memory]: You kids will never escape. Stay a while. Sing us a song, would you? Prepare for a long journey.
DAL: Okay, someone did this to us. Who and why?
GWYN: Was it my father?
ZERO: No, but the culprit is on this very ship, and the only way to win is if we refuse to play her game.

[Holodeck]

JANEWAY: Thank goodness you're okay. Why are you looking at me like you don't recognise me?
GWYN: Janeway, did you lock us in here and turn off the safety protocols?
JANEWAY: Of course not. I would never.
ZERO: For all she knows, she's telling the truth. But I fear she's unknowingly been manipulated by a secret subroutine pre-programmed to intervene if the ship's core directive was ever interfered with. Computer, show security feed of Hologram Janeway, start of simulation.
GWYN [on screen]: Maybe it's time we consider we stop trying to go to Starfleet.
GWYN: She wouldn't allow us to stray from the ship's mission.
ROK: From the very beginning, she inspired us to go to Starfleet. Was it all a lie?
ZERO: No, because we had the same goal. It wasn't until we all agreed we should never go to Federation space that her sinister motives were activated.
JANEWAY [on screen]: Computer, create holo-programme to keep the crew distracted indefinitely. No restrictions.
COMPUTER: Acknowledged.
DAL: So you did turn off the safety protocols. Then what did you need my command codes for?
GWYN: To take control of the ship so it would complete its mission and destroy Starfleet.
DAL [memory]: Use my command code, GB64N32X!
COMPUTER: Federation coordinates acquired.
JANEWAY: I'm so sorry. I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you.
ZERO: But the Construct would. JANEWAYL I don't remember doing any of this. I... I think Zero's correct. There's something wrong with me.

[Bridge]

GWYN: We've left the Neutral Zone.
DAL: And we're locked out of the controls!
JANEWAY: I'm sorry.