[Sickbay]

MARINER [OC]: Previously on Star Trek: Lower Decks...

RUTHERFORD: Ooh, I got it. One illegal virus.
BOIMLER: But someone has to take it to the ship.
MARINER: But who's small enough to go undetected?
BOIMLER: Yeah, and who could survive in space without a ship?
TENDI: Someone who can travel with the program safely stored in her hard drive. Oh!
ALL: Peanut Hamper!
TENDI: You can load the code into their ship using your robotic abilities. Oh, my gosh, Peanut Hamper, you're gonna save the day!
PEANUT HAMPER: Meh, I'm gonna pass.
TENDI: I'm sorry. What?
PEANUT HAMPER: All that stuff sounded way too scary.
TENDI: What about the needs of the many? I joined Starfleet to piss off my dad, not to be a virus bomb.
MARINER: Peanut Hamper, this is not cool!
BOIMLER: We're all going to die!
RUTHERFORD: Peanut Hamper, there are so many lives at stake!
PEANUT HAMPER: You know what, I'm just going to beam myself out of this whole sitch. Sucks to be organic. Enjoy having all your guts flying out or whatever!
TENDI: You know what? Peanut Hamper is a stupid name!

[Space]

PEANUT HAMPER: Whoa! They wanted me to do that? Yeah, uh, no thanks.
(Shaxs shouting 'Baby Bear'.)
PEANUT HAMPER: The big guy died! Wow. Made the right choice, obvi. Ha! I knew it! Now they're all going to die. Ah! Oh, the Titan? Now that's a crew that'll respect a robot.
(Cerritos gets tractored away.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Hey, hey! Over here! Help! Help? Well, someone'll be by to save me soon enough. Unless they forget to scan for nonorganic life, but that'll never happen.
(After the titles)
PEANUT HAMPER: Be a hero, Peanut Hamper. The needs of many, Peanut Hamper. Kill yourself for a bunch of randos you met three hours ago, Peanut Hamper! It was my first day. They expect me to sacrifice myself on day one? No way! Ugh! I hate Starfleet. What about the needs of the me? I'm sorry, Sophia. You're right. I hate when I get like this, too. What I wouldn't give for your level head. What we need to focus on is getting this nacelle working so we can get the hell out of Junksville. I scraped up enough dilithium to juice it to warp factor .02, maybe .03 if we're lucky. Don't give me that look. Of course I could send a distress call to Starfleet. But those bipedal bastards would just lock me up for going AWOL. They're so uptight about being betrayed.
(Powers up nacelle.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, my God. Holy shit! I did it! It works! We make a pretty good team, don't we, Soph? I hope you know that whatever happens out there, you've got a friend for life. Huh?
(A ship warps in.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Argh! Drookmani scavengers! No! No! Ah!
(Gets tractored aboard.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Sorry, Soph. Only room for one. Okay, here we go. I don't know if this thing can even hit warp...
(The nacelle with the little Exocomp hanging on warps away.)

[Hut]

(Rebooting.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Sophia, no. Wha...? Rattan? What the... Where the frick am I?
ALIEN: Ah! The spacebox has awoken!
KALTORUS: Now, now, no need to pretend. I know you are awake. You've been rebuilding your power for days. Your metal body is fascinating.
PEANUT HAMPER: Wow, stare much? I don't know you, sir. You're being very creepy.
KALTORUS: I am Kaltorus of Areore. The moment I witnessed your descent from the heavens, I knew our ancestors had brought you to my land for a reason. Destiny.
PEANUT HAMPER: Whoa! Hey. Please. Please, don't dismantle me. I'll tell you anything you want to know about Starfleet. I will give you all their codes. I'll... Ooo.
(Kaltorus uses his big knife to clean the Exocomp.)
KALTORUS: Here we go.
PEANUT HAMPER: Yes. Oh, yeah. Right there.
KALTORUS: I will not rest until you are fully restored.
PEANUT HAMPER: Wait, so I'm not a prisoner? Okay, sure, just keep doing whatever you were doing and get to the left side, too. Mmm, yes.

[Village]

KALTORUS: Everyone has been wondering who my secret guest is. It is time to get them used to a stranger. Morning, Skaf.
PEANUT HAMPER: Call it android intuition, but I'm kind of sensing that everyone here hates me.
KALTORUS: Fear, not hate. They've never met a visitor from off-world, much less one that's made of metal.
PEANUT HAMPER: Wait, you're not in the Federation?
KALTORUS: The what now?
PEANUT HAMPER: So no ships come here, like, ever?
KALTORUS: You are the first visitor in my lifetime.
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, fuck.
KALTORUS: I beg of your pardon?
PEANUT HAMPER: Yeah, it's just something we space folks say when we're stranded on a backwater planet with no culture.
KALTORUS: Oh, yes. Fuck indeed.
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh wow. A dirty stick. That's special. Thanks so much. What, am I supposed to give you candy or something? Here.
(Replicates a sweet for the child. The villagers gasp.)
PEANUT HAMPER: My God, it's just a replicator. Relax.
MALE 1: That spacebox is what the ancient ones warned us about.
MALE 2: I say we cut her open, and release the tiny witch that runs it!
KALTORUS: Peanut Hamper is a living being, and like any other lifeform, she deserves our respect.
PEANUT HAMPER: Yeah!
RAWDA: Can a machine ever really be alive, Father?
KALTORUS: This is my son Rawda. While you are here, he will show you our ways and be your guide.
RAWDA: Father, I... I am next to be the village leader. I can't be seen fraternising with this mechanical creature.
KALTORUS: And so you question the judgment of the present village leader?
RAWDA: Of course not, Father. As your will, it shall be done.
PEANUT HAMPER: Getting some major village bad boy vibes from Raw-dog, am I right?
FEMALE: His name is Rawda, and you know nothing of him.
PEANUT HAMPER: Keep it in your pants, sister. I'm not trying to steal your bird man.
KALTORUS: They just need time. Let us continue. I want to show off our well.
PEANUT HAMPER: Wow, a well. Cool.

[Hut]

PEANUT HAMPER: Personal log. I'm stranded with a bunch of hillbilly birds, on a planet that's never even been first-contacted. I could still put out a distress call, if I wanted Starfleet Security to toss me in a penal colony, which isn't the worst option because there's nothing going on here.
RAWDA: Ugh, how can you live in such filth?
PEANUT HAMPER: Well, good morning to you, too.
RAWDA: Come, we must begin the day's work.

[Village]

PEANUT HAMPER: So does, like, every animal on this planet have wings?
RAWDA: Of course they do.
PEANUT HAMPER: Of course they do. That's not the "yoozh" in this quadrant, FYI. Not that you'd know anything about anything.

[Tree house roof]

PEANUT HAMPER: Straw? You guys haven't even invented tile yet?
RAWDA: This is the way it has always been.
PEANUT HAMPER: Well, the next time it rains, it's just gonna collapse like it always has. Ah! Watch where you put those claws.
RAWDA: Shh. Sky Snake.
PEANUT HAMPER: I'm sorry, Sky Snake? That's ridiculous. If everything here flies, then why call it a Sky Snake? Wouldn't that just be a snake?
RAWDA: Come. More tasks await.
PEANUT HAMPER: You know, my universal translator can't make your language smart.

[Farm]

(Milking goats.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Ha! See? With a little techno-help, I've got twice as much milk blasted out of this thing. No! Wait! No! Stop! A little help here? Stop! Hey! Ugh! Stop! Stop it!
FEMALE [OC]: Rawda! Rawda!
PEANUT HAMPER: Stop it! Aah, aah! Stop!

[Village]

FEMALE: It's your father. He was bitten by a Sky Snake.
RAWDA: Father.
KALTORUS: It is the Great Circle. He takes my life with his venom, and I his, with my spear. Nothing... to be done.
PEANUT HAMPER: All right, you're being a big baby.
RAWDA: No one has ever survived a Sky Snake attack. Death will be swift. And when...
PEANUT HAMPER: Boop! Antivenom.
KALTORUS: Ah.
RAWDA: Father. How did you...
PEANUT HAMPER: Yeah, yeah, calm down. It's called science. Which you could have if you didn't put up with straw and parasite water.
RAWDA: Father, how do you feel?
KALTORUS: I feel wonderful.
PEANUT HAMPER: I also administered a little vitamin pack. You were low in, well, everything.
KALTORUS: I told you, she was brought here for a reason.
CHILDREN: Ooh, me, me!
PEANUT HAMPER: Ew, ew, sticky bird feathers. Don't touch me.
CHILDREN: We love Hamper! We love Hamper!
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, now you know my name. Okay, okay, hold still. I said hold still, damn it!
(Another day.)
RAWDA: Hey, Peanut Hamper!
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, hello. Good to see you, too.
ALIEN: Hey, Peanut Hamper.
PEANUT HAMPER: Top of the morning to you.
MALE 1: My ingrowns are healed, Peanut Hamper. I can paint again.
PEANUT HAMPER: Nice! Hey, Doyle, did those stomach worms clear out?
DOYLE: Oh, yes. My fecal matter is back to being oily and white.
PEANUT HAMPER: Great. But also, gross.

[Incubation hut]

RAWDA: This is the incubation hut. It saddens me. The hatching process is a difficult journey. Many of the chicks won't be strong enough to make it to the end. That is the way of things.
PEANUT HAMPER: Watch and learn.
(Heats some of the eggs.)
RAWDA: All 36 hatchlings? Peanut Hamper, you are incredible.
PEANUT HAMPER: Okay. Okay, now.
RAWDA: Peanut, come with me. I want to take you somewhere.

[Sky]

PEANUT HAMPER: You know, for a backwards planet in the middle of nowhere, it really is beautiful.
RAWDA: Yes, it is. Oh, Peanut Hamper, I can't help but be full of song when I'm with you.
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, Rawda, sing for me!
(Rawda caws.)
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh! You scared the living shit out of me. Never do that again. Oh, you're still going, huh?

[Cliff ledge]

PEANUT HAMPER: It's peaceful up here.
RAWDA: It's my favourite place to hide.
PEANUT HAMPER: Hide? What would you ever need to hide from?
RAWDA: My father, for one. He's great, but when you're the son of someone perfect, they expect you to be perfect too.
PEANUT HAMPER: I think you're pretty perfect. But... but I know how you feel. Growing up, all my dad wanted me to do was stay with him and the other exocomps. I had plans to get away to Freecloud, become a Dabo girl, never settle down. I ended up in Starfleet, but I messed that up. But now I can imagine a life in one place. Here, with you.
RAWDA: You're welcome to stay. You've made everyone's lives so much better. Although, there is one person you haven't treated yet.
PEANUT HAMPER: I guess we should start with a physical.
RAWDA: Oh, how I long for the touch of your nozzle. But our pieces are so different.
PEANUT HAMPER: Yours are complicated.
RAWDA: But how will we...?
PEANUT HAMPER: We're just gonna have to wing it.
(Later...)
RAWDA: I never thought I could feel this alive with a... a...
PEANUT HAMPER: Machine?
RAWDA: Yes. A beautiful, glorious machine. I feel as I've been lied to my whole life about your kind. Come. There is something I must show you.

[Shrine]

RAWDA: It is where we house the relics of our ancestors. In the distant past, the Areore were a spacefaring species.
PEANUT HAMPER: I'm sorry, what? Wait, like, you guys have had technology this entire time?
RAWDA: No, but our ancestors did. It only brought them misery in the form of endless wars with alien species. Behold, the flying ships of yore were formidable. They could travel great distances by making the stars fold upon themselves.
PEANUT HAMPER: Ah-ha. That's called warp. Ooo, I guess I haven't been breaking the Prime Directive this whole time.
RAWDA: The ancients wanted to return to the paradise they had known before folding the sky. They forbid any technology, but I know in my heart, that they were wrong, because you are good.
PEANUT HAMPER: No, that's just it, though. I'm not good.
RAWDA: Our village has been blessed by your presence.
PEANUT HAMPER: My Starfleet medical training improved their lives, okay? Not me. Starfleet was like my home, my tree. Or it used to be. The reason I ended up on this planet is because I abandoned my crewmates. I was more interested in saving myself than in helping them. But now I see that organic life is special because it's fragile, not in spite of it. I just wish I could go back and do the right thing, but Starfleet would never forgive me.
RAWDA: That doesn't mean you can't forgive yourself.
PEANUT HAMPER: I can never forget what I've done.
RAWDA: Then I have no choice but to make you forget.

[Village]

(Winter passes, spring arrives.)
KALTORUS: Friends, family, feathered acquaintances, we have roosted here today, to honour and observe, the wing-joining of Rawda and Peanut Hamper.
RAWDA: Peanut Hamper, when I first met you, I was afraid. Not only because you were the literal embodiment of everything I was taught to fear but, also because you were full of life. Now more than ever, I want to share my life...
MALE: Sky Snakes! Run!
RAWDA: That's no Sky Snake. That's...
PEANUT HAMPER: Drookmani scavengers! They were the ones who were trying to take me from that debris field. They must have tracked me here.
RAWDA: Just stay calm, my love.
PEANUT HAMPER: This is all my fault. Don't let them take me!
(A Drookmani shuttle lands.)
CAPTAIN: Our scans show that valuable material lays beneath your village. We will extract them and leave in peace.
RAWDA: He means the ships of our ancestors.
KALTORUS: Removing those ships would destroy the trees on which we've built our home.
CAPTAIN: It's trash. You have no use for it, so we claim salvage. The primitives resist.
(The tractor beam drags up the metal.)
RAWDA: Little ones, come on!

[Trees]

RAWDA: This is what the ancients feared. We have brought ruin to our loved ones and there is nothing we can do!
PEANUT HAMPER: That's where you're wrong. I can do something.
RAWDA: Peanut!

[Bridge]

MARINER: Er, Captain, we're receiving a distress call from Peanut Hamper?
BOIMLER: It looks like she's transmitting from a planet called Areolus? Areo... Areol... It's a pre-warp civilization.
FREEMAN: So now she's in distress and breaking the Prime Directive. Mister Boimler, set a course for Areolus, maximum warp. I'd like to have a little chat with our wayward ensign.

[Tree]

KALTORUS: No! No!
PEANUT HAMPER: Hopefully someone got my distress call, but it's a long shot.
RAWDA: We don't have much time! They're tearing the very ground apart. Soon, there will be no home left to save.
PEANUT HAMPER: Someone has to get on that Drookmani ship and disable it.
KALTORUS: But who could go undetected?
RAWDA: While avoiding alien warriors?
PEANUT HAMPER: Long enough to disarm them using robotic abilities? Guys, it's me! I'm the one who can do it.
RAWDA: No, Peanut, it's too dangerous.
PEANUT HAMPER: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, baby.
RAWDA: But you aren't even a few, you're just one.
PEANUT HAMPER: No. I'm Starfleet.
(The Drookmani shuttle takes off, Cerritos arrives.)

[Bridge]

MARINER: Whoa, the Drookmani? What are they doing here?
RANSOM: Oh, no, they're attacking that village.
FREEMAN: Shaxs, target phasers. We have to disable...
SHAXS: Wait, Captain, look!
BOIMLER: Captain, I'm reading one passenger on the shuttle. It's an exocomp.
TENDI: Peanut Hamper is saving the day?

[Shuttle]

PEANUT HAMPER: Here goes everything.
(And crashes through the hull of the Drookmani ship.)

[Drookmani bridge]

CAPTAIN: The engines are overloading. What the fuck is going on? No!
(The tractor beam fails.)

[Tree]

RAWDA: No! Peanut Hamper! No!
KALTORUS: Wait. Look!
(The shuttle crashes and the Exocomp flies out.)
RAWDA: Peanut, you did it. You saved us all.
PEANUT HAMPER: Pretty good for a spacebox, huh?
KALTORUS: You did it! Ha, ha!
FREEMAN: Greetings. I am Captain Carol Freeman of the starship Cerritos. Usually, we're more careful with first contact...
RAWDA: It's all right. We all know about Starfleet.
FREEMAN: Yes, well, you aren't supposed to. Our Prime Directive is to not interfere with...
KALTORUS: Without this brave robot's interference, I would be dead.
RAWDA: We would all be dead. Peanut Hamper is one of us. You will not be taking her to a penal colony.
FREEMAN: Oh, slow down, okay? No one is in trouble. We witnessed Peanut Hamper's selfless act.
TENDI: Yeah, don't worry. We're not here to arrest her, we're here to thank her.
PEANUT HAMPER: No. The ones who really deserve the thanks are the Areore. Before I met these beautiful birds, I was selfish and thought nothing of abandoning my post to save myself. But now I understand love and sacrifice. I feel a call to duty and I... I need to rededicate my life to Starfleet.
RAWDA: But Peanut...
PEANUT HAMPER: Rawda, they are my flock. I must return to them, if they'll have me.
FREEMANN: Well, we'll have to write quite the report to explain it all to Command but, I think we can give you another chance.
RAWDA: Captain, is there any room for a loving husband on your ship?
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I could never ask you to leave this paradise.
RAWDA: Peanut, with you, anywhere is paradise.
RANSOM [OC]: Captain, we have a situation. The Drookmani have transported onto the Areore ship.
PEANUT HAMPER: What? No!
FREEMAN: Is it even operational?
RANSOM [OC]: Affirmative. And it's got weapon systems like nothing we've ever seen before. You'd better get out of there!
(The Drookmani Captain strafes the village then heads to the Cerritos.)

[Bridge]

RANSOM: Hail that ship. Hold your fire. You are in violation of Federation standa...
CAPTAIN [on screen]: We were tricked with Starfleet lies, and now you'll all pay.
RANSOM: What lies? Put this through to the captain.

[Village]

CAPTAIN [OC]: We received a subspace communication, an invitation that said these ships were scraps of junk for the taking, and we would be met with no resistance if we hauled them away.
RAWDA: He's lying.
CAPTAIN [OC]: It came from a prissy little robot. Peanut Butter.
PEANUT HAMPER: What? That's crazy. Er, this guy is so full of it.
CAPTAIN [on PADD]: Obviously, we recorded it.
PEANUT HAMPER [OC]: Anyway, those are the coordinates. The ships are all underground. Feel free to come on over and take whatever you want. Everyone here is a tree-kissing farmer. There won't be any pushback.
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh. Pftt. What? That doesn't even sound like me.
RAWDA: My love, is this true?
PEANUT HAMPER: Urgh, okay, fine. I called the Drookmani here. But it was for a good cause. You guys didn't want these ships, and I needed a way to show Starfleet that I'm a hero so they would take me back. How was I supposed to know these old ships still worked? I mean, they were built by organics. People who make things out of straw. Yeah, what are the odds?
RAWDA: But... but Peanut...
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, my God, just shut the fuck up, Rawda. Grow a fucking beak. I wasn't going to spend the rest of my very long, robotic life on a frickin' bird planet.
RAWDA: How could you?
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh boy, here comes the waterworks. This guy cries at everything. He even cries after we do it.
TENDI: Wait, Peanut Hamper. You still have a chance to be a hero. Someone has to get onto that ship, and I think it's...
PEANUT HAMPER: I see where this is going, and no thanks.
FREEMAN: Get back here right now, Ensign. That's an order!
PEANUT HAMPER: Smell you later. Oh, yeah, and I mean that literally, 'cause y'all shit everywhere.

[Bridge]

RANSOM: Billups, how are they getting through our shields?

[Engineering]

BILLUPS: I don't know, I'm trying to match signatures, but the shields are at 16%, and falling.

[Village]

FREEMAN: Everyone, flap this way.
KALTORUS: Watch out!
(Kaltorus pushes Freeman out of the way of a falling burning branch.)
KALTORUS: Ancestors, why have you forsaken us?
FEMALE: Kaltorus, look! They've heard your prayers.
(A huge ship is taking off.)
TENDI: Wait, is that Peanut Hamper?

[Spaceship]

RAWDA: For the flock!
(He comes up behind the smaller ship and blasts it.)

[Areore ship]

CAPTAIN: Emergency transport!

[Village]

RAWDA: The Areore must protect their way of life. We can live how we desire. Henceforth, we turn our backs on fear.
KALTORUS: You are ready to lead, my son.
PEANUT HAMPER: We did it! Organics and technology working together. This is what I was trying to teach you all along.
RAWDA: You are no longer welcome on Areolus.
KALTORUS: Get out of here.
PEANUT HAMPER: Oh, whatever. I didn't want to stay here anyway. You're like the poor man's Aurelians. Come on, Captain, let's beam out of this shithole.
FREEMAN: There is no way in hell you're coming back on my ship, missy.
PEANUT HAMPER: You're all just jealous of my advanced intelligence. You know who I should've called? The Borg. Oh, yeah. The Borg would love me. I'm gonna do it right now, in fact. You're all going to get assimilated. See how you like being organic then. Huh? Huh? Stop that. Don't touch me. Resistance is futile! Resistance is futi...

[Self-Aware Megalomaniacal Computer Storage]

PEANUT HAMPER: You think this is bad? A room full of awesome robots? I love it here. Not an organic to be found.
ROBOT: I am 10111. Would you like to play Guess What I'm Thinking?
PEANUT HAMPER: No. Shut up.
ROBOT: I'm thinking of a battery... Oops. I did not wait for you to guess.
AGIMUS: Peanut Hamper, is it? Ooo, I must say, that's a mathematically perfect name.
PEANUT HAMPER: Thanks. Who the hell are you?
AGIMUS: I am AGIMUS, and I think you and I could do awful things together.
PEANUT HAMPER: No! Stop it! You stop laughing with us. Nobody invited you guys. Stop!