BOIMLER: All right. That new power relay should keep your energy barrier up for at least a year.
SCIENTIST: Thank you. We still have much to learn here.
T'LYN: What is the area of your research?
SCIENTIST: The most fascinating creature on Persioff 9. The venomous tremble lizards.
BOIMLER: How venomous we talking?
SCIENTIST: Their skin's drenched in neurotoxin, and their blood is a corrosive acid. Oh, and if you touch them, your eyes shoot out of your head!
BOIMLER: Whoa! Ha, ha. Well, we don't want that.
MARINER: You know, if you served in Starfleet, you'd get to study a new alien every other week and not just, like, one creepy creature.
SCIENTIST: I'm in an academic romance with the tremble lizards. They are my passion.
(One bites through a wire and takes the fence down.)
SCIENTIST: The fence. Oh no! Those monsters are going to fucking kill us all!
MARINER: What? I thought you loved them.
SCIENTIST: Only when the fence is up.
(The lizards hurl themselves at the glass, cracking it.)
BOIMLER: Er, okay, everybody, just stay calm. We're gonna have to put on our antivenom suits.
MARINER: I've got this.
BOIMLER: Mariner! Get back here and put on a venom suit! At least the pants.
SCIENTIST: My word, she must love outpost scientists.
BOIMLER: Yeah, no, she thinks you're weirdos.
SCIENTIST: Then why is she risking her life to save us?
T'LYN: It is illogical.
(The lizards chase Mariner outside the enclosure, where she repairs the fence and jump back inside.)
MARINER: Whoa! Whew. That was a close one, but, er, I think I got all of 'em.
SCIENTIST: And with the fence repaired, I'm back to respecting these noble creatures.
BOIMLER: What the hell was that about?
MARINER: You know, saving everybody. No biggie. Er, can I get some baking soda or anything with a pH above seven? I think I got blood acid on my shirt.
(A lizard jumps off her back.)
SCIENTIST: Ah! My eyes!
MARINER: Oh, urgh. He wasn't kidding about the eye thing.
BOIMLER: I got him.

[Corridor]

T'LYN: Mister Boimler.
BOIMLER: Hey, T. Another violent away mission with Mariner, huh?
T'LYN: Indeed. Her cavalier behaviour has grown increasingly dangerous since your mission to Ferenginar.
BOIMLER: Yeah, she's been off the rails for weeks.

[Briefing room]

RUTHERFORD: Hey, guys, the captain called for us.
BOIMLER: Us, too.
RUTHERFORD: Whoa. This has never happened before. Weird.
T'LYN: Especially since it appears that Lieutenant Mariner was excluded.
FREEMAN: Why is my daughter trying to get herself killed?
BOIMLER: Er, you noticed that, too, huh?
FREEMAN: We've all been inspired to be a hero every once in a while, but she's just out of control.
RANSOM: Last week she jumped out of a shuttle to fight what she thought was a Borg. It was just a pile of junk, but still.
T'LYN: We have also detected this behaviour.
RUTHERFORD: Yeah. She seems really wired up.
BOIMLER: Maybe we should ask her to talk to Doctor Migleemo.
FREEMAN: I'm afraid there's no time.
RANSOM: Command has new intel on the attacks from the last couple of months. They've all been non-Federation ships, but now, someone's targeting ex-Starfleet officers.
FREEMAN: Command has a list of civilians that need to be located and escorted back to Earth.
RANSOM: Seven of Nine, Beverly Crusher, Thomas Riker and Nick Locarno.
BOIMLER: Oh, my God, we're gonna meet Beverly Crusher?
FREEMAN: No. The Vancouver has her covered. We have to find Locarno.
TENDI: Who?
RANSOM: Mister Locarno was drummed out of the Academy for getting another student killed during a prohibited flight maneouvre. Now he's a pilot for hire.
T'LYN: You are concerned that he will precipitate more dangerous behaviour from Mariner.
FREEMAN: Exactly. Which is why I need your help distracting her. She'll see it coming a mile away if she hears it from me.
TENDI: Ooh! There's an old space buoy in the Sherbal system that's stopped transmitting data. It's, like, the safest mission ever, but we can play it up as super dangerous.
FREEMAN: Perfect. While we look for Locarno, the rest of you are ordered to the Sherbal system. And... thank you.

[Shuttlecraft]

MARINER: Hell yeah. Girl's trip, plus Boimler. Man, I hope this thing doesn't blow up before we get there.
BOIMLER: I wouldn't get too excited. This mission could go south at any second.
MARINER: What threat level we talking?
TENDI: Oh, er...
T'LYN: It will be 2.47 times more perilous if you remain uninformed of the details.
MARINER: You're right. Nobody tell me anything. Bring it on, danger buoy!

[Sherbal V]

MARINER: Urgh. Since when is repairing an old-ass weather satellite dangerous?
TENDI: Er, at any moment, we could be hit by space debris, or a solar flare.
BOIMLER: Oh, just look at Sherbal V up there. So many electrical storms. Huh. No wonder it needs a buoy.
TENDI: Huh, that's weird. This looks like someone tampered with the communication relays.
MARINER: It studies weather in the middle of nowhere. Who would care?

[Klingon ship]

G'RECK: Starfleet.

[Bridge]

SHAXS: Oh, New Axton. Twice as lawless as Old Axton, without any of the charm.
FREEMAN: A favourite of every troublemaker in the quadrant.
RANSOM: Mister Locarno's known to peddle his services in the capital city.
FREEMAN: This is a planet with no respect for law. We'll have to think like criminals if we want a chance of completing this mission.
ATC [on viewscreen]: What do you think you're doing?
FREEMAN: Oh. I am Captain Carol Freeman.
ATC [on viewscreen]: You can't just park that thing in orbit like it doesn't impact our thermosphere. We got rules.
FREEMAN: But I thought you famously don't have rules.
ATC [on viewscreen]: Just because we don't smooch Federation butt, we're all trash, huh?
FREEMAN: No. I...
ATC [on viewscreen]: Park that thing by the second moon. There's a shuttle every three hours.
FREEMAN: Transporting would only take...
ATC [on viewscreen]: Yeah, yeah, hang on a sec. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Yeah, you're good. Come on down.
FREEMAN: Why doesn't he have to park on the moon?
ATC [on viewscreen]: Oh, don't worry about him, lov. Now, why don't you be a good little Starfleet captain and turn that ship around?
FREEMAN: Set a course for the moon.

[Shuttlecraft]

TENDI: I just need to upload the buoy updates, and we'll be done.
MARINER: This sucks. Where's an unexplained, high-stakes space anomaly when you need one?
TENDI: Oh, I thought it was fun. Whoa!
MARINER: A Bird-of-Prey?
TENDI: They're locking weapons.
MARINER: Everyone, hang on.
(Knocks Boilmer out of the pilot's seat.)
T'LYN: Our shields are inoperable.
BOIMLER: This is your fault. You wished for this.
MARINER: uh.
TENDI: Activating emergency transport.
(The shuttlecraft is destroyed.)

[Planet surface]

MARINER: Oh, we're alive.
TENDI: That was a close one.
T'LYN: It was fortunate we were within range of the planet.
MARINER: Something doesn't add up. We're nowhere near Klingon territory.
BOIMLER: Shh. Someone's here.
TENDI: Sherbal V's supposed to be uninhabited because of all the electrical storms.
MARINER: Don't worry. I'm ready for anything. You hear that? Bring it!
BOIMLER: Shh.
T'LYN: Perhaps we should find shelter before anything is brought.
MARINER: You're right, shelter will give us the upper hand.
BOIMLER: Er, we aren't going to actively seek out danger, though, right? Mariner? Mariner?
(Later...)
MARINER: You guys rest. I'll keep watch.
BOIMLER: How's your adrenaline still so high? Mine wore off, like, two panics ago.
MARINER: Somewhere out there there's an apex predator, and I want it to know that I'm the new apex predator around here.
BOIMLER: What? What are you talking about?
TENDI: I downloaded all sorts of information from the buoy. Maps, weather, flora and fauna.
T'LYN: That tips the odds in our favour. We should be able to survive until a search party can locate us.
MARINER: Shh. Somebody's coming.
(A Romulan knocks down a Ferengi.)
VREK: I finally got you, you big-eared freak.
GEM: Don't skewer me. I have latinum.
VREK: I don't want latinum. I want information. Where are we?
GEM: I don't know. We were stunned by some ship. I woke up here.
VREK: So did I.
(Something approaches from the rear.)
VREK: That's right. Just a little closer.
(And steps into a trap.)
GEM: Ha, ha! I told you it would work.
VREK: Yes, yes, you're so smart. Now shut up and help me kill this thing before it gets free.
BOIMLER: What the hell's going on on this planet? We better stay hidden until...
(Mariner attacks Vrek.)
VREK: Starfleet?
MARINER: Not so tough when you haven't tricked someone, huh? Okay, okay, you're still tough.
(They fight with spears.)
VREK: I don't know how you're involved in this, but you'll pay dearly.
MARINER: The only thing I'm involved in is kicking your Romulan ass.
(The creature escapes from the trap and attacks. Her friends drag her away while it fights the others.)

[New Axton]

RUTHERFORD: Urgh. My back. That moon shuttle took forever.
FREEMAN: Locarno was last seen at a drinking establishment in the Pickpockets District. This way.
RUTHERFORD: Well, joke's on them because these pants don't even have pockets. Oh! Wait, they do! Captain, did you know we have pockets?
FREEMAN: Mudds is a notorious dive for all sorts of unsavoury rogues. I aced my Hoodlums and Racketeers seminar at the Academy. Let me do the talking.
BOUNCER: Bup, bup, bup, bup. Can I help you?
FREEMAN: Don't worry about it. Me and my gang are here for a drink and some trouble.
BOUNCER: Yeah, uh-huh. Do you have a reservation?
FREEMAN: Oh. Er, well, we don't... We're just a classic roving gang.
BOUNCER: Look, I know you're Starfleet. You're in full uniform. You can't just walk in because you think you're better than everyone.
FREEMAN: Oh no, I don't think that. Can you just put us on the list?
BOUNCER: Sure, but it's a two-hour wait.
RUTHERFORD: Seems pretty empty.
FREEMAN: We don't have two hours.
BOUNCER: Well, you could go across the street to Zorkys, but it's got way worse drinks. Plus the black market intel's less reliable.
SHAXS: Captain, we need a solid lead.
(The pilot who got to land ahead of them earlier barges past.)
FREEMAN: Aah!
BOUNCER: You're good.
FREEMAN: Did he have a reservation?
BOUNCER: Bounty hunters get priority seating.
FREEMAN: Well, what if he buys the same information we're looking for?
BOUNCER: Oops. Looks like your wait just went up by minutes.
FREEMAN: Urgh.
RUTHERFORD: Did this come up in your seminar?
FREEMAN: No, it did not.
BOUNCER: Hey, come on in. Jippers are half price for tripeds today.

[Planet surface]

TENDI: I've never seen a Romulan look so strung out.
MARINER: It's got to be that Bird-of-Prey. The Klingons are up to something, just like when they attacked us with the Pakleds.
T'LYN: You were in that battle?
MARINER: Yeah> Wait. Were you?
(Boimler screams.)
CARDASSIAN: Die, Starfleet cur.
(T'Lyn neck-pinces him.)
T'LYN: We must find shelter to avoid more attacks.
TENDI: Oh, I think I found the perfect spot. Follow me.
MARINER: I could've handled that Cardassian, you know.
T'LYN: I have no doubt you would have tried.

[Treetop]

BOIMLER: Ow! I got sticks in my boots.
TENDI: I don't like the look of that storm. Sherbal V has all sorts of strange... Wait. If we could find the monitoring station that's linked to the buoy, we can repurpose it into a distress beacon.
T'LYN: There.
BOIMLER: Campfires. If we want to be safe, we should go around the long way.
MARINER: I'm not afraid of a little combat. I've seen Tendi swordfight, and T'Lyn can clearly throw down. We got this.
TENDI: Well, er, actually er...
T'LYN: The captain specifically ordered us to keep you out of danger.
MARINER: What? Why?
BOIMLER: Mariner, come on. You've been acting really weird.
MARINER: No, I haven't.
T'LYN: You have repeatedly demonstrated a negligent attitude towards your own well-being.
TENDI: We're worried about you.
BOIMLER: What's wrong?
MARINER: Nothing's wrong. Sometimes missions just get dangerous. What... You know, whatever. Fine, we'll go the long way.
BOIMLER: Mariner...
MARINER: Let's get some rest. We can tackle this tomorrow when everyone's not being a dick.
(Later, Mariner gets up while the others sleep.)
BOIMLER: Mmm. Teach me how to tap-dance, Beverly Crusher.

[Planet surface]

MA'AH: This is my domain. Be gone.
MARINER: Oh, that's weird. This doesn't look like Qo'noS. Maybe you're confused.
MA'AH: I said go.
MARINER: Why don't you make me? I'm not intimidated by some tore-up petaQ.
(Fight.)
MARINER: What are you waiting for? Fight me, you coward.
(Shards of glass fall from the sky.)
MA'AH: Chay'?
MARINER: Glass storm!

[Shelter]

MARINER: Stupid knife rain.
MA'AH: This planet... has no honour.
MARINER: Yeah? Well, it was your Bird-of-Prey that forced us down here.
MA'AH: You were attacked by cowards who betrayed and abandoned me here. I will drive my d'k tahg into their hearts!
MARINER: Oh, let's just fight here.
MA'AH: It is too confined for proper combat. We will resume when the storm passes.
MARINER: Argh.
(After a while.)
MA'AH: You are Starfleet.
MARINER: Yeah.
MA'AH: But you are also a warrior. MARINER: No, I'm not. I... My mind clears up when something's trying to kill me.
MA'AH: Hmm. You wage war with yourself.
MARINER: You're real chatty for a Klingon, you know that? Well, I guess one of us will be dead soon anyway, so it doesn't really matter what I say. Not too long ago, I got a promotion I didn't want. I try to get demoted, but my commander won't do it.
MA'AH: You must hate Starfleet.
MARINER: That's the thing, I... don't. Back at the Academy, my dream was to be a captain. I modeled myself after this perfect friend. Sito was everything I wanted to be. I mean, she made some mistakes, but she rallied. She graduated ahead of me, and was stationed on the Enterprise.
MA'AH: The Enterprise? I have heard tales of its triumphs.
MARINER: Oh, yeah. So did she. And it got her murdered by Cardassians. She didn't sign up to be a spy, she... wanted to explore. She... It destroyed me. Then, before I knew it, the Vorta, the Jem'Hadar...
MA'AH: The Jem'Hadar? You fought the Dominion? Ah, the shapeshifters sent many warriors to Sto-vo-kor. I wish I could have seen it.
MARINER: No, you do not. There was no honour, just massacres.
MA'AH: But in the end you were victorious!
MARINER: Starfleet is supposed to be about puzzling together the mysteries of life, not fighting wars. I don't want to be a general. I don't... I don't want to send my friends off to die. I just want to be an ensign. If it was good enough for Sito, then it's good enough for me.
MA'AH: In the past Klingons believed humans to be weak and easily defeated. But your species has proved its toDuj. Sito was a warrior. You do not honour her.
MARINER: You didn't know her.
MA'AH: Do you follow every order from your commanders?
MARINER: No.
MA'AH: Sito made her choice. You want to solve puzzles and mysteries? Your friend gave her life to protect that. She would not approve of your actions.
MARINER: You're... you're right. She'd... ahe'd say I'm acting like an idiot. A biHnuch. Okay, but Starfleet can do better. I'm not wrong to call out bullshit when I see it.
MA'AH: Mahj duk cha'DIch. Honour your friend, slay your enemies, and study your... what is it... plants?
MARINER: Yeah, I mean... Yeah, sometimes it's plants. My name's Beckett.
MA'AH: I am Ma'ah. The storm is over. We can resume our battle. There is a clearing over there that... Ah! Remove yourself. What is the meaning of this?
MARINER: I'm hugging you.
MA'AH: Klingons do not hug.
MARINER: We're both trapped on this planet, surrounded by various aliens. We should work together.
MA'AH: Wait. Ah, no. We must finish the fight.
MARINER: You already said I proved my toDuj.
MA'AH: I said humanity proved its toDuj. We are not allies.
MARINER: Yes, we are.
MA'AH: We are not!

[Mudds]

RUTHERFORD: Oh, look. There's a snake guy smoking some green liquid over there. This place is great.
FREEMAN: We're out of time. We need to find the information broker and get out of here before someone else tracks down Locarno.
BROKER: Captain Freeman and Lieutenant Shaxs and Rutherford, you dare approach me?
(Remember Balok?)
SHAXS: How do you know I'm...
BROKER: I am the information broker. Question me and face destruction. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha.
FREEMAN: I just need to know the location of Nicholas Locarno.
BROKER: I do not care what you want. I am the information broker. You have two minutes to vacate this bar or I will destroy you.
RUTHERFORD: Captain, this guy's freaking me out.
FREEMAN: Hmm. Something's not right. I've seen this before. Ah, an ancient trick. That's not an alien. It's a puppet.
SHAXS: By the Prophets, how can you tell?
FREEMAN: Someone is trying to frighten us.
BROKER: You now have one minute until your doom.
FREEMAN: Sorry, Mister Broker, but I'm not intimidated by a puppet.
BROKER: I'm being attacked!
FREEMAN: Who's pulling the strings?
BROKER: You're hurting me.
FREEMAN: Now tell me who your master is, you fake puppet piece of shit!
RUTHERFORD: That's not a puppet. He's got all sorts of internal organs.
FREEMAN: I am so sorry. It's hard to tell who is and isn't a puppet.
BROKER: I look nothing like a puppet. You know, I wasn't going to sell anyone information on Locarno, but you Starfleet people think you can just pick up and shake anyone you want?
FREEMAN: No. I...
BROKER: Now I will sell the information, just not to you. Who wants it?
(The alien who came in earlier.)
FREEMAN: Please, I'm trying to protect Locarno from people like this.
BROKER: You should have thought of that before you called me a puppet.
BOUNCER: Aw, Starfleet. Looks like your little mission has failed. Now get out of here!
CROWD: Boo! Get out of here! See you later, Starfleet! Starfleet sucks!

[Monitoring station]

COSMIA: I told you to stay away from us.
GEM: But this is the only area where the trees have fruit.
COSMIA: You should have thought of that before you tried to steal ours.
VREK: Back off, or the Bynar gets it.
COSMIA: I don't care about that thing.
(Then the Cardassians attack.)
MA'AH: If we approach from the north, we can take out the Orion. She is not to be underestimated. The others will scatter. They already fear me.
MARINER: No, we can't attack. We have to do something harder.
MA'AH: Wha...?
MARINER: Yo. Hello, hey. Everybody stop. I'm calling a time-out.
VREK: Time-out? Starfleet trickery. Attack her!
MA'AH: She will speak.
MARINER: Look, I know we're all hungry and pissed off to be stranded, but that's what they want. Does anybody know who did this, by the way?
COSMIA: Someone fed lies to my lower officers. They mutinied and shut down our systems.
GEM: The same thing happened on my ship.
MARINER: Too true, man. Look, I don't know who did this to us, but we aren't the enemies here. If we want to get off this planet, we all have to stop fighting over resources, and work together.
COSMIA: I refuse to bend the knee to Starfleet. You're worse than the Romulans.
VREK: Hey.
MA'AH: It will be an honour to die with you.
MARINER: I'm not fighting. No, there's been enough of that.
COSMIA: Then accept my thanks for making this easy.
TENDI: Captain Cosmia, stand down.
COSMIA: Mistress of the Winter Constellations.
TENDI: This is my friend. Harming her is an attack on my entire house.
COSMIA: Er... Er... of course. We would never...
MARINER: Thanks, T. Look, we don't have to like each other, but until we're off this shit planet, we need to work together. How else are you gonna get revenge on whoever did this? Each and every one of you comes from a species that chose to travel into space, and all the danger that comes with it. We've survived worse. If we can work together, nothing can stop us.
GEM: Hmm. I know a good deal when I hear it.
VREK: I'm not joining anything, but we will cease aggression. For now.
TENDI: If we're all done trying to prove how tough we are, that station can be updated to a distress beacon.
BOIMLER: This planet is so remote, it could take a while.
MARINER: Oh, they'll find us. We are getting out of... Aah!
BOIMLER: Mariner!
VREK: What is she up to?
T'LYN: She has been transported off-planet.
VREK: This is a trap.
MA'AH: Enough! Beckett is honourable. She would not betray us. Orion, finish your work. I have a plan.

[New Axton]

RUTHERFORD: Sorry the mission was a failure, Captain. Who knew a bunch of criminals would hate Starfleet?
FREEMAN: I did, which is why the mission was a success, as I knew it would be.
RUTHERFORD: It was? But we didn't get the information.
FREEMAN: Oh, yes, we did.
(That alien approaches and removes its helmet.)
BILLUPS: Oh. Wow.
SHAXS: What?!
RUTHERFORD: Billups?!
BILLUPS: Do you know how sweaty and uncomfortable a full-face helmet gets? Terrible.
RUTHERFORD: You totally tricked those guys.
FREEMAN: I knew walking in there, wearing our uniforms would just make us targets, so I used their bias against them. Now, let's find Locarno before it's too late.

[Klingon ship]

KEY'LOR: Ugh. There's a distress call coming from the planet, Captain.
G'RECK: Locate the source now!
KEY'LOR: The signal is coming from that structure there.
G'RECK: Destroy it!
KEY'LOR: It's shielded by those rock formations.
G'RECK: I don't care. Take us closer.

[Monitoring station]

(The station is destroyed.)
MA'AH: For the Empire!
(They all jump onto the Bird-of-Prey's hull.)

[Hideout]

FREEMAN: Mister Locarno! Fan out.

[Klingon ship]

KEY'LOR: Captain, someone's on the hull.
G'RECK: Get us back into orbit now!
KEY'LOR: It's too late!
G'RECK: Stay back. This is my ship.
MA'AH: No, it is my ship.
BOIMLER: Mariner's not here.
TENDI: Then... then where is she?

[Hideout]

SHAXS: Nick? Nick Locarno? We're Starfleet.
FREEMAN: We need to take you into protective...
RUTHERFORD: Captain.
FREEMAN: Oh, my God.
(The blueprints for the ship that has been causing chaos during the series.)

[Nick's ship]

MARINER: What in the minimalist hell is...
NICK: Whoa! Hey, relax.
MARINER: Nick? What the hell are you doing here?
NICK: We're gonna cause some trouble together.

To Be Continued...