[Edge of Klingon space - Klingon bridge]

KRTAS CAPTAIN [on screen]: Our scans are negative. There are no enemies in the area.
RELGA: I can see that. Set course for the border. Maybe we can antagonise Starfleet into a fight.
(Stroking a white targ.)
KRTAS CAPTAIN [on screen]: But the High Council considers them to be allies.
RELGA: Fuck the Council! We're only patrolling this worthless corner of the Empire because my brothers were murdered, and the Council thinks me weak. I would cut all their throats for a chance to...
OFFICER: Captain, sensors are detecting an increase in tachyons.
RELGA: Tachyons mean nothing to a Bird-of-Prey.
(The red rift appears.)

[IKS Krtas]

CAPTAIN: Huh?
OFFICER: I'm reading a massive build-up of soliton particles.
CAPTAIN: Get us out of here!
(The rift explodes, transforming Klingons and ships to other versions.)

[Klingon bridge]

OFFICER: We have evaded the soliton wave, but the Krtas has been destroyed. Shall I report this to Command?
RELGA: No. This is exactly what I needed.

[Bar]

RANSOM [OC]: First officer's log. Having finished repairs at a joint Starfleet-Klingon research station, the Cerritos is enjoying a little downtime.
T'ANA: Ah, since we both have the afternoon off, want to play Sexy Treasure Island on the holodeck?
SHAXS: Only if I get to be Long John Fuck.
T'ANA: God, I love you.
MARINER: Ah, being a Lieutenant JG rules. Who knew higher rank came with more freedom to goof around? It's honestly very relaxing.
T'LYN: That was not your attitude when I first arrived. You were more... chaotic.
MARINER: Really? Ah, don't want to lose my edge. Enjoy that avocado, cadet! Ha, ha. Still got it. What are you guys so busy with?
TENDI: Senior Science Officer stuff.
T'LYN: I am cataloguing the corbopple levels of the isometric flangometer.
TENDI: And I'm researching how corbopple emissions affect sleep.
MARINER: Corbople? You're messing with me, that's not real.
TENDI: Half of all bopples are corbed.
T'LYN: It is a foundational element of artificial gravity.
TENDI: Rutherford?
RUTHERFORD: I've been trying to fix this stupid old plasma router, which should be easy with my implant, but the Cerrito systems are too old.
TENDI: You love the Cerritos. Don't listen to him, girl. He didn't mean it.
RUTHERFORD: Yes, I did.
MARINER: Since when does everyone bring work to the bar?
BOIMLER: I wish I could help you, Rutherford, but there's not a lot of engineering advice on this PADD I stole from alt-dimension me.
MARINER: I cannot believe basing your personality on that thing actually worked. That beard looks good. I hate it.
BOIMLER: I didn't actually crib all that much.
MARINER: Ah-ha. What do you want to drink?
BOIMLER: Er, something called a Bramble?
MARINER: You're getting a message, Boims.
WILLIAM [OC]: No, there has to be something we can do.
BECKETT [OC]: Won't you be dooming an entire universe?
WILLIAM [OC]: Scan me. Use my reality.
BECKETT [OC]: Why would you do this to your friends?
MARINER: Sorry, the replicator didn't have a code for a Bramble.
BOIMLER: Holy fuck! We're all gonna die!
MARINER: What the hell? Boims, wait up! What are we screaming about?
TENDI: Is it just me, or is Boimler always freaking out about some PADD?
T'LYN: It is not just you.

[Ready room]

FREEMAN: T'Pol? Harry Kims? An interdimensional overload?
BOIMLER: Captain, if William's alive, he wouldn't lie about this.
MARINER: Mom, I know this is coming from nowhere, and we're just junior officers, but we have to take it seriously.
FREEMAN: I agree.
MARINER: Oh. You do?
FREEMAN: Let's get Command on the line, now.
BOIMLER: Whoa, what, really? I mean, we thought it would take way more convincing.
MARINER: Yeah, I mean, an undead transporter clone could be kind of a stretch.
FREEMAN: You two are my best officers. And after all we've been through, I think I know enough to trust you.
MARINER: Wow! I mean, thanks!
BOIMLER: Man, that is good captaining.

[Klingon space - Ma'ah's ship]

MALOR: Why so tense, brother? We still have hours before we arrive at Qo'noS.
MA'AH: A captain must be vigilant.
MALOR: We deliver blood wine. What danger will we encounter? A leaky barrel?
MA'AH: Every mission is a potential battle.
MALOR: Oh, wake me if Kahless makes another appearance.
(A Bird-of-Prey uncloaks.)
MA'AH: Relga.
RELGA [on screen]: The Great Captain Ma'ah, hauling garbage.
MALOR: It's not garbage. It's wine!
RELGA [on screen]: How the mighty have fallen, murderer.
MA'AH: What is the meaning of this?

[Relga's ship]

RELGA: You destroyed one of my ships. I was lucky to survive.
MA'AH [on screen]: We don't know what you're talking about.
RELGA: I know, but there's just enough truth to convince the High Council. Ready weapons!

[Ma'ah's ship]

MALOR: This is madness!
MA'AH: No, it's vengeance. Relga has no honour, just like her brothers.
RELGA [on screen]: Bargh and Dorg were weak. I am not! Fire!
(Evasive manoeuvres.)
MA'AH: I will ram their bridge. We will have the element of surprise.
MALOR: Sorry, brother, but today is not a good day to die.
MA'AH: What are you doing? Unlock my controls now! Malor!
(Jumps to warp.)

[Bridge]

HUMAN [on screen]: Long-range scans have confirmed your fears, Captain Freeman.
ALIEN [on screen]: Soliton resonance is overloading the dimensional rift.
HUMAN [on screen]: Unchecked, this will destroy our quantum reality. The rift itself is easily sealed with a subspace gluonic beam.
ALIEN [on screen]: The problem is getting to it. The rift is surrounded by a Schroödinger possibility field.
FREEMAN: A what?
ALIEN [on screen]: The S-field completely remaps matter into other possibilities from the multiverse.
T'LYN: Fascinating.
HUMAN [on screen]: Of course, we would never choose to have a California-class ship handle a catastrophe of this scale.
FREEMAN: Oh, thank God. For a moment, it sounded like this was up to us.
ALIEN [on screen]: Unfortunately, it is.
RANSOM: What? Why?
HUMAN [on screen]: Enterprise is en route, but there's no time. The two Boimlers are linked in ways we don't yet understand. Call it fate or entanglement, this is your mission.
RANSOM: How the hell are we supposed to do this if our heads are turning into cactuses?
ALIEN [on screen]: I've calculated adjustments for your shield harmonics. In theory, they should block the effects of the field. Sending them now.
BILLUPS: In theory? Engineering can make these updates, Captain, but we'll have to work around the clock.
RANSOM: It'd be nice to know if they actually work.
FREEMAN: Come on, are you sure the Enterprise can't handle this?
HUMAN [on screen]: With the connected Boimlers, you're our only option.
(Transmission ends.)
MARINER: What the fuck? You sent a universe-destroying rift to your own dimension?
BOIMLER: It wasn't me, it was William.
FREEMAN: Looks like the Boimlers have given us no choice. Let's move, people.
BOIMLER: Come on, it was William.

[Engineering]

MEREDITH: We gotta get those updates installed.
RUTHERFORD: These plasma conduits are ancient. We're never gonna flush them in time. My implant could do this twice as fast if we didn't have to use history's oldest relays.
MEREDITH: Got it. Quantum filtering is live.
(At 67 percent, with lots of warning red triangles.)
BILLUPS: Shields are updated, Captain, but I don't think Starfleet took into account the hull.
FREEMAN [OC]: What? What do you mean?
BILLUPS: There seems to be a potential interference between the field and the duranium alloys throughout the Cerritos.
MEREDITH: It could affect the hull, but the shield update should make sure that the crew is unaffected, so we'll all be fine.

[Bridge]

FREEMAN: The hull is kind of important.
BILLUPS [OC]: We're working on a fix. We just need more time.
FREEMAN: Well, time's in short supply, but we should be okay as long as there aren't any complications.
BARNES: Captain, a small vessel just dropped out of warp. They're hailing us.
FREEMAN: Damn it. On screen.
MALOR [on screen]: We need to talk to Beckett Mariner. She's my cha'DIch's cha'DIch. We are requesting asylum.
(Ma'ah and Malor are fighting.)
MARINER: Er, yeah, hey, guys, sort of bad timing.
MA'AH [on screen]: Good. I do not want asylum.
MALOR [on screen]: Yes, you do.
MA'AH [on screen]: I do not.
MARINER: Yeah, I don't know what they're talking about.
FREEMAN: Then I guess we'd better find out.

[Briefing room]

MALOR: Oh, come on, we were nowhere near Relga when her ship was damaged.
FREEMAN: They probably encountered the same soliton wave we're dealing with.
MA'AH: Relga seeks revenge because I killed her brothers.
MARINER: Er, yeah, let me just hop in here. Both of those guys tried to kill him first.
MA'AH: I will gladly die facing her in battle.
MALOR: Come on, she will never give you a fair fight.
MARINER: We can give them safe harbour, right, Mom?
FREEMAN: Yes, but confined to quarters. Sorry, but apparently we're the only ones who can save the frickin' universe today.
MALOR: So do these quarters er... have a replicator?
MA'AH: How do you have an appetite after running from battle?
MALOR: All our snacks are made of bugs. They have salties and sweets.
RANSOM [OC]: Captain, we need you on the bridge. More Klingons just dropped out of warp.
MARINER: What?
MA'AH: Good.
FREEMAN: We don't have time for this. We're supposed to be closing a rift.

[Bridge]

FREEMAN: On screen. I'm assuming you're Relga?
RELGA [on screen]: I have tracked two murderers to this location. Hand them over now.
FREEMAN: I'm sure we can solve this in a diplomatic fashion.
RELGA [on screen]: You are harbouring criminals.
FREEMAN: They would disagree.
RELGA [on screen]: I know who you are, Captain Carol Freeman. Your admiral mate will not protect you from me.
FREEMAN: My husband has nothing to do with this.
RELGA [on screen]: You've sided with the petaQs who destroyed my ship. Are you an accomplice?
BARNES: Incoming call from Admiral Freeman, Captain.
FREEMAN: What now? Okay, put her on hold.
RELGA [on screen]: Nobody puts me on ho...
FREEMAN: Zo. We've partially updated our shields and we should be able to head to the rift in...
ADMIRAL [on screen]: You're harbouring two criminal Klingons, Captain.
FREEMAN: Word travels fast. I don't believe they've committed any crime.
ADMIRAL [on screen]: They're murderers. I'm ordering you to immediately hand them over to Captain Relga.
MARINER: Dad, these are my friends.
FREEMAN: Is this coming from Command? Zo, I...
(Transmission ends.)
RANSOM: That was weird.
FREEMAN: This whole day is weird. Ransom, collect our guests.
MARINER: What? No, this is fucked.
FREEMAN: We can't make our own rules just because friends are involved. Get me that Klingon.
RELGA [on screen]: Freeman, you will rue the day...
FREEMAN: Enough! You're getting what you want.
RELGA [on screen]: Ah, there he is. No more running, coward.
MA'AH: You are the coward! RELGA [on screen}; Wait. Where's the fat one?
FREEMAN: Ransom, why do I only have one Klingon?
RANSOM: Working on it. Malor seems to have er... wandered off.
MARINER: Good!
OFFICER [on screen]: This is a trick.
SHAXS: Sensors can't locate him. I have a team sweeping the ship.
FREEMAN: Please be patient. We're actually dealing with a dangerous rift that's emitting strange energy. As allies, I'm sending you the data on how to update your shields.
RELGA [on screen]: I have no use for this! Give us both brothers or I will take them by force!
(The Klingons destroy Ma'ah's ship.)
MA'AH: Hu'tegh!
SHAXS: They're targeting our engines!
FREEMAN: Red alert!
SHAXS: Shields at 80%.
FREEMAN: Evasive manoeuvres! Set a course for the rift.
BOIMLER: But, Captain...
FREEMAN: We don't have time for a fight. Warp me.
(Later.)
FREEMAN: I need good news on those shields updates, Mister Billups. Those Klingons can't be far behind.
BILLUPS [OC]: Working on it.
MARINER: Mom, I didn't hide Malor.
FREEMAN: I know, but I still need you to find him now. Those Klingons are forcing us into a bad situation.
BOIMLER: We're approaching the Schroödinger field!
T'LYN: Captain, without the shield update, quantum interference with the hull could alter the physical structure of the Cerritos.
FREEMAN: Well, whatever we turn into is still better than getting blown up by Klingons. Full impulse.
BOIMLER: Aye, Captain.
(Entering the field.)
RANSOM: Soliton energy's reacting with the duranium. Ravings are getting freaky!
FREEMAN: All hands, brace for weird.
(They get transformed.)
FREEMAN: Report.
RANSOM: We only have one nacelle.
BOIMLER: We're in the Cerritos from a reality where it's a Freedom-class.
TENDI: It's possible to project a warp bubble without dual nacelles. The only sacrifices is the static actuators...
FREEMAN: We don't have time to nerd out about this, Lieutenant.
SHAXS: Our friends just caught up.
RANSOM: Of course they did.
FREEMAN: Maintain speed. We have to get to that rift.
SHAXS: The Klingons have entered the S-field, Captain, and our shields are only at 60 percent.
FREEMAN: Another energy wave, dead ahead!

[Corridor]

MARINER: Malor!
MA'AH: Malor! Get out here right now so we can face our enemies!
MARINER: Would you not? You're going to scare him.
(Transformation wave passes along the corridor.)
MA'AH: Malor!
MARINER: Malor, could you get out here please, Malor?

[Jefferies tube]

RUTHERFORD: Dang it! Stupid new quantum reality power relays.
BILLUPS: Implant trouble?
RUTHERFORD: No, it's working great, but these new systems are a mess. Who designs a ship like this?

[Bridge]

RANSOM: One of their ships is changing. Oof. An ancient Klingon sailing barge. All lives lost.
BARNES: Can that happen to us?
FREEMAN: I could really use that shield update, Mister Billups. Lieutenant Boimler, get to navigation. We can't afford to go off-course. All hands to your stations. We need to update our relays.

[Corridor]

TENDI: The Cerritos wasn't designed for this kind of stress. We need to disable non-essential systems to help route power to structural integrity.
T'LYN: Negative. Disabling systems could damage resource conduits.
TENDI: Yeah, resource flow won't matter if we get blown up.
T'LYN: Raising your voice will not solve the problem.
TENDI: Neither will doing nothing. We are co-senior science officers. We should be working together on this.
T'LYN: It appears the pressure of our situation is impairing your logic. Perhaps we should work on different systems.
TENDI: Perhaps we should.
RUTHERFORD: I can't get any of the isolinear relays stabilised. It's this ship. I... I think I'm falling out of love with the Cerritos.
TENDI: What? But there's so much more to fix. Maybe this is just a rough patch.
RUTHERFORD: That's what I thought. But it just isn't getting better.

[Cetacean Ops]

MATT: Getting sprayed down? Sign me up.
KIMOLU: Save the jokes for when we're not in mortal peril, Matt.
MATT: Sorry.
MARINER: Malor?
MA'AH: This is dishonourable. Get out here now.
MARINER: Malor? Hey, Kimolu. Matt. You see a rural Klingon come in through here?
MATT: Nope.
MA'AH: If I could only find him we could stop this conflict.
BOIMLER: Wait. I know I use this PADD too much, but maybe something like this happened in Beard Boimler's reality.
MARINER: You know what? Honestly, I'll take any help. Check, check.
MA'AH: Malor! Malor!
BOIMLER: Whoa.
MARINER: You actually found something?
BOIMLER: It's a log about Klingon seeking asylum. Becky Mariner's the one who hid them.
MA'AH: What?
MARINER: Whoa. That doesn't mean I did. She was a piece of work.
MA'AH: Where is my brother?
MARINER: I didn't hide him.
MA'AH: This says you did. Reveal his location!
BOIMLER: Guys, guys. Can we focus on repairs?
MATT: That Klingon's hot.
KIMOLU: I noticed.
BOIMLER: Whoa. Look out, we're changing again.

[Bridge]

SHAXS: Cerritos is a Terran Empire ship now. Ah, by the Prophets, our weapons are amazing! Oh, weapons are down.
FREEMAN: Relga, please be reasonable. This field is dangerous as it is.
RELGA [on screen]: You never should have given me the shield updates, human. Now hand over those fugitives!

[Bridge]

(Direct hit.)
FREEMAN: Tell me we still have shields.
RANSOM: Barely, but engines are down. We're dead in space.
FREEMAN: I don't get it. Why isn't her ship changing?
T'ANA: It probably is. Klingons hardly ever update their fleet designs. They always want their ships to look like big stupid birds.
SHAXS: We have basic power systems, but that's it.
BILLUPS: My team's still working to fix interference, but this set us back even more.
FREEMAN: We have to assume we'll be boarded. In that case I think we have to hand over the...
MA'AH: Captain Freeman! This purple boy has proof that Mariner has hidden my brother.
MARINER: Mom, I wouldn't lie to you. I mean, you know, not any more.
FREEMAN: I know. I trust you.
MA'AH: Malor's location is hidden somewhere on this device. Give me the PADD.
(Boimler breaks the PADD.)
MA'AH: Ba-Qa'!
MARINER: Boims, that thing was working for you. You're so handsome and cool.
BOIMLER: I don't want it in my life if it means not having your back.
MARINER: Oh, man, that's actually... that's really sweet. You're a better friend than Beard Boimler.
BOIMLER: I don't need a PADD to know that. Friendship!
MA'AH: No! If you will not tell me where Malor is, I will have to make you, in battle.
(Ransom stops Ma'ah's fist.)
MA'AH: How are you so strong?
RANSOM: High intensity interval training. This has gone too far. I hid Malor.
MARINER: What?
FREEMAN: Ha! I fucking knew it. Why?
RANSOM: That message from Admiral Freeman didn't sit right.
MARINER: Yes. Thank you. Mom, it did not sound like Dad.
RANSOM: We promised Malor asylum, and Relga's a bully. I knew you had to follow orders, so I bought you time and some plausible deniability.
FREEMAN: That wasn't your call, Jack.
KAYSHON: Uzani, when the light came over the mountain.
(The Admiral's image is on the screen.)
FREEMAN: We don't need to watch this. His orders were clear.
KAYSHON: Jinza, when the truth was uncovered.
ADMIRAL [on screen]: They're murderers. I'm ordering you to immediately hand them...
(Relga's image is hidden behind the Admiral.)
BOIMLER: Ah, she faked the message.
MARINER: Damn. That is so dishonourable.
FREEMAN: We can't hand them over, but we can't fight back. This is an impossible situation.
SHAXS: I can't believe we have Terran weapons and no way to power them.
T'ANA: There has to be some sneaky underhanded Kirk style trick We can use to fuck her up like they did in the old days.
BILLUP: Ah. One of my officers might be able to help with that.
(Later.)
RELGA [on screen]: Are you really going to make me board you? Save some lives. Don't be so weak.
FREEMAN: Well, at least I didn't have to fake a message.
RELGA [on screen]: What? A pity you discovered my trick. Now your crew has to die.
FREEMAN: You know, you were right. I really shouldn't have shared that shield update. Guess I'll just have to take it away.
RELGA [on screen]: I'd like to see you try. Open fire!

[Hull]

(On the hull, Meredith holds Olly's lifeline as she throws a lightning bolt at Relga's ship.)
OLLY: It worked! I did it, Mister Billups.

[Bridge]

RELGA [on screen]: Ha. Your little trick did nothing.
OFFICER [on screen]: Captain, our shields are down. We are fully exposed to the energy field.
RELGA [on screen]: What? No. Fire on them! Destroy them!
(The field hits and the crew de-evolve.)
RANSOM: Urgh, what are they turning into?
MA'AH: Mindless proto-Klingons filled with rage.
(Transmission ends, the Bird-of-Prey goes KaBOOM!)
BOIMLER: Wave frequency is increasing, Captain.
FREEMAN: All hands, brace for impact.
SHAXS: Captain, the Cerritos is operational. We've gone all Sovereign-class.
FREEMAN: I guess I'll have to take it. Helm, get us to the rift.
BOIMLER: The closer we get the more the effects will increase.
FREEMAN: Then let's hope we make it. Full impulse.
(They transform into a small ship then a Galaxy-class, then several more changes until back to California-class.)

[Engineering]

OLLY: Hey, we're back to normal.
RUTHERFORD: Yeah, we are. We are!

[Bridge]

BOIMLER: Captain, the rift is expanding too quickly. We won't get there in time.
MARINER: Why couldn't we have changed into a bigger better ship?
RUTHERFORD [OC]: There is no better ship.
TENDI: Rutherford?

[Engineering]

RUTHERFORD: The Cali-class rules. We're perfect for this.
TENDI: I thought you were falling out of love.
RUTHERFORD: Yeah, but then I realised my problems aren't with the Cerritos. They're with my implant. (pulls it out) Time to do this the old-fashioned way. These Calies were designed for all sorts of functionality. We can reconfigure systems better than anyone.
(Doing a Data with isolinear chips.)
LIVIK: Whoa. I've never seen someone engineer that fast.
MEREDITH: Rutherford! Rutherford!

[Bridge]

TENDI: He's routing the rift's energy directly into the dilithium chamber.
T'LYN: We are being fuelled by interdimensionality itself. The results will be unpredictable.
FREEMAN: It'll have to do.
BOIMLER: What's happening?
RANSOM: Our superpositions are decoupling.
FREEMAN: The Cerritos is bifurcating into two quantum possibilities.
RANSOM: If we maintain this speed they'll both be destroyed.
FREEMAN: We don't have a choice. Keep us on course, Mister Boimler.
BOIMLER: Trying, Captain but the helm's not responding.
SHAXS: Systems are split. Each ship is controlling the other.
RANSOM: We have to slow down.
TENDI: No. Today's chaos has driven us apart. But that's when we need to be the most in sync.
T'LYN: Relinquish control. Trust each other. Before, we had to prove ourselves. Now we unite as...
BOTH: Science besties.
(The split ship and people re-merge.)
MALOR: What? Brother?
RANSOM: Captain, we're in range.
FREEMAN: activate the gluonic beam.
SHAXS: It's not working.
TENDI: The rift is still open. It's too late.
MALOR: On my farm... River threatens to destroy your crops, you cannot stop it, but you can build a dam.
MA'AH: What are you talking about?
MARINER: Oh. He's right.
(Does something, the warp core and the beam change colour.)
BOIMLER: Whoa, the energy's contained. The rift is stable, but it's er... it's permanently open.
T'ANA: Holy shit. Wait, did we just save the fucking universe?
MA'AH: We are victorious because you listen to Malor?
MARINER: Yeah. I guess Ransom made a good call hiding this big old genius or we'd be toast.
MALOR: Klingons do not hug.
MARINER: Shut up.
BOIMLER [OC]: Boimler's log. Our Klingon friends are heading back to Qo'noS, but they might not have time for farming. Due to her dishonourable actions, the High Council handed over Relga's fleet to Ma'ah's command. Now that the rift is a permanently open portal to other quantum realities, Starfleet considers it a gate to a whole new frontier. The increased tachyon density means no modern Starbase can be stationed nearby. Luckily, there's one with older systems that aren't affected. Starbase 80. The mission, explore strange new realities with a little help from some familiar friends. K assia still runs the base, but when it comes to exploring the multiverse, Starfleet wanted their best to supervise the missions going into the rift.

[Shuttlebay]

RANSOM: It's been an honour, Captain.
MARINER: If you're not here, who's gonna throw me in the brig?
FREEMAN: When you first arrived, I didn't think you'd last a week.
MARINER: Yeah, neither did I.
FREEMAN: Now, I'm proud to say that you don't need me. It's my turn to go on an adventure.
MARINER: I love you, Mom.
FREEMAN: I love you, too.
(Back of a shuttlecraft opens.)
ADMIRAL: Is nobody here to carry my bags?
MARINER: Yeah, it's not a Galaxy-class, Dad.
ADMIRAL: But I'm an admiral.
FREEMAN: So what, your arms don't work?
MARINER: I'm glad you guys get to spend more time together.
FREEMAN: It's the main reason I agreed to this.
ADMIRAL: There's a golf course, right?
FREEMAN: Oh, forget golf. You're hitting the gym, buddy.
ADMIRAL: No, thank you. Not for me.
FREEMAN: Well, you're the one who was calling me every day, missing me so much. Isn't this what you wanted?
ADMIRAL: I love you, but I also love putting.

[Access tube]

NOX: Welcome to Starbase 80, Freemans. Now, let's get you slimed up with some homemade disinfectant gel.
ADMIRAL: She's kidding, right?
FREEMAN: Ha. You wish.

[Bar]

TENDI: Oh, Rutherford, will you take a look at this data I compiled for... what? Where's your implant?
RUTHERFORD: I had to choose between the Cerritos and the oculus. Not really a choice at all.
TENDI: I don't know what to say.
RUTHERFORD: Engineering should be twice as interesting now that I don't have cybernetics hooked up to my melon. It does feel weird to be so organic, though. Bleh.
TENDI: I think you look very handsome.
RUTHERFORD: Oh. Thanks, Tendi. Wow. Emotions can get pretty intense without a dopamine inhibitor, huh?
T'LYN: Oh, I was unaware of your romantic affection.
TENDI: Oh no. We're just friends.
RUTHERFORD: My head feels hot.
TENDI: What?
RUTHERFORD: Am I sick?
TENDI: Let me take your temperature.
T'LYN: Clearly I was mistaken.
MARINER: Oh, what a day. Man, whoever decided to put a bar on a starship deserves a medal.
BOIMLER: Mariner, come on. Your mom's leaving the Cerritos.
T'LYN: We had predicted you would express a negative reaction unfitting to the station of your rank.
MARINER: You know why Boimler's weird death-faking clone sent that cosmic wave at us? Because he knew we kick ass. And I'm not just talking about the five of us. The whole Cerritos crew is stacked with amazing officers. Yeah, there's a lot of ships in the fleet which are bigger, fancier. They have engineering sections that are attached to the main part of the ship. And honestly, those crews are way more professional. Hey, I should know. I've been kicked out of half of them. But this thing we do doesn't require perfection. We're explorers. We live for the unknown. You can't prepare for that. Nobody on the Cerritos is even close to perfect. We're a mishmash of people and various creatures that don't fit in anywhere else. But we're a family. That's why I love it here. We believe in the mission and in each other. My mom might be gone, but she hand-picked this crew. Which is why I know we're gonna be okay. This isn't the end of a story, it's the beginning. We're gonna make her proud.
BOIMLER: Wow. That's such a healthy way of looking at it.

[Bridge]

MARINER: Yeah, I did get mad and set my bed on fire.
TENDI: What?
BOIMLER: Is it still burning?
MARINER: Yeah, and I kicked a computer, but you know, that's all out of my system. I'm good. I think. I mean, I don't know. We'll have to wait and see. Tune in.
SHAXS: Captain on deck. Captain Freeman's aboard Starbase 80, Captain Ransom.
RANSOM: Thank you, Mister Shaxs. You know, she told me to never let you detonate the warp core.
SHAXS: Oh man.
RANSOM: Unless you really deserve it.
SHAXS: All right!
RANSOM: Mister Rutherford, a little birdie told me you made some pretty inspired updates to the plasma injectors.
RUTHERFORD: Was it Doctor Migleemo?
RANSOM: Yes, it was. Keep up the good work.
RUTHERFORD: Okey dokey.
RANSOM: Starfleet wants us to check out some talking goo on Snickmik 5.
T'LYN: What viscosity is the goo?
TENDI: Ooo, does it have anything nice to say?
RANSOM: Let's find out. Helm, take us out.
MARINER: Hey, Jack. Er, I mean, Captain.
RANSOM: Is this gonna be a problem?
MARINER: Nah, you're Cerritos strong.
RANSOM: Boimler, huddle up with us.
MARINER: Huddle up? Oh, no, we're not doing coach talk.
RANSOM: I need a first officer.
BOIMLER: But I'm only a lieutenant JG.
RANSOM: I know you're not quite ready, but the two of you have a chance of making it work as provisional first officers.
MARINER: What?
BOIMLER: That's not a thing.
RANSOM: It is now. I might eventually promote one of you. Think of it as a contest.
MARINER: Please don't do this.
BOIMLER: It will mess up our friendship.
RANSOM: Ah, a little interpersonal conflict's the best way to learn.
MARINER: Since when?
BOIMLER: Sir, but I can't... I don't... We're still lower decks.
RANSOM: No, you're in charge of the lower decks. Grab a seat.
BOIMLER: Oh man.
RANSOM: Oh, I gotta figure out a cool thing to say when we go to warp.
MARINER: I think it'll happen naturally, over time.
BOIMLER: Yeah, you don't want it to sound forced.
RANSOM: Ooo, I got one. Engage the core.
MARINER: No, no, don't you dare go to warp on a workout joke.
RANSOM: Nope, I'm sorry, I like it. It's staying.
MARINER: Ransom, you are better than this.
BOIMLER: Please don't make this our lives, sir.
MARINER: Come on, you don't want to set that tone.
BOIMLER: Sir...
MARINER: What if this is a five-year mission?
RANSOM: Engage the core!