Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

Original Airdate: 8 Sep, 2012

[Egypt, 1334 B.C.]

(The Doctor rushes to the Tardis.)
DOCTOR: Bye, then. Lovely meeting you. Sorry about the mess.
(He is restrained by an elegant woman in a sheer gown and tall blue headdress, who pushes him up against the Tardis door and strokes his hair.)
NEFERTITI: You think I'll just let you leave without me, after what we've just been through?
(She looks remarkably like her limestone bust.)
DOCTOR: You've got the Egyptian people to rule, Queen Nefertiti. They'll need reassuring after that weapon-bearing giant alien locust attack we just stopped rather brilliantly.
(Something parps, making her jump and him escape from her embrace. It is his mobile phone text alert.)
DOCTOR: Oh dear, sorry. I've got it set to Temporal News For You. That's interesting.
NEFERTITI: What is?
DOCTOR: Nothing. Not interesting. Not at all. Ooo, never been there. Exciting! I'm off!
(They go inside the Tardis.)
DOCTOR [OC]: Coming!
(The Tardis zooms upwards.)

[Indian Space Agency 2367 A.D.]

INDIRA: Craft size approximately ten million square kilometres.
DOCTOR: A ship the size of Canada coming at Earth very fast. Any signs of life?
INDIRA: We sent up a drone craft. It took these readings.
(Nefertiti is there, too. The incoming spaceship is a central mass with lots of big pods extending out of it.)
DOCTOR: Crikey, Charlie, look at that. Ooo, I know someone who'd love to have a look at that. And the Ponds. Mustn't forget the Ponds, Neffy. Haven't seen them in ages. I'm riffing. People usually stop me when I'm riffing or carry on without me. That's also an option.
NEFERTITI: Can you communicate with this craft?
DOCTOR: She's with me. Good question, Neffy.
INDIRA: No. No response on any channel, in any recognised language. If it comes within ten thousand kilometres of Earth, we send up missiles.
DOCTOR: Oh, Indira, I liked you before you said missiles. How long till the ship gets that close?
INDIRA: Six hours nineteen minutes.
DOCTOR: Right. Better get a shift on, then. Leave it with us. Come on, Neffy. We're going to need help.

[African Plains 1902 A.D.]

(By a tent, at night.)
DOCTOR: More stew?
RIDDELL: Where've you been, man? Seven months. You said you were popping out for some liquorice. I had two very disappointed dancers on my hands. Not that I couldn't manage.
DOCTOR: Riddell, listen. I've found, well, something.
RIDDELL: No, no, no, no, no. I shan't fall for that again. What is it?
DOCTOR: I've no idea. Do you want to find out?

[Amy and Rory's home]

(An older man is up a stepladder being held by Rory and Amy, seeing to a ceiling light fitting.)
BRIAN: I think it's the fitting.
RORY: Dad, it's not the fitting. It just needs a new bulb.
BRIAN: You're wobbling the ladder.
RORY: I'm not. I don't want another loft incident.
AMY: How's my side, Brian?
BRIAN: Perfect, as ever, Amy.
AMY: Thank you, Brian.
BRIAN: I don't know what he said to you to make you marry him, but he's a lucky man.
(The sound of an arriving Tardis, and papers blowing.)
RORY: (sotto) Not here, not now.
BRIAN: You leave the back door open?
RORY: What is he doing?
AMY: I'm going to kill him.
(The Tardis materialises around them.)

[Tardis]

DOCTOR: Hello! You weren't busy, were you? Well, even if you were, it wasn't as interesting as this probably is. Didn't want you to miss it. Now, just a quick hop.
(The Tardis zooms to the impossibly large spaceship. Brian is still standing on the stepladder.)
DOCTOR: Everybody grab a torch.
(Brian drops the light bulb.)

[Open area]

(Dark and dusty, with cobwebs. No obvious indication of usage, the whole place is just big open-plan.)
DOCTOR: Spiders. Don't normally get spiders in space.
(Brian is last out of the Tardis.)
BRIAN: What the?
DOCTOR: Don't move! Do you really think I'm that stupid I wouldn't notice? How did you get aboard, eh? Transmat? Who sent you?
RORY: Doctor. That's my dad.
DOCTOR: Well frankly, that's outrageous.
RORY: What?
DOCTOR: You think you can just bring your dad along without asking? I'm not a taxi service, you know.
RORY: You materialised around us.
DOCTOR: Oh. Well, that's fine, then. My mistake. Hello, Brian. How are you? Nice to meet you. Welcome, welcome. This is the gang. I've got a gang. Yes. Come on then, everyone.
AMY: Tell him something, quick.
RORY: Yes, thank you!
BRIAN: I'm not entirely sure what's going on.
RORY: You know when Amy and I first got married and we went travelling
BRIAN: To Thailand.
RORY: More the entirety of space and time. In that police box.
(Something shakes the spaceship.)
AMY: All right, where are we? What is that noise and hello, ten months?
DOCTOR: Well, I sense it's orbiting. More like pre-crashing. On a spaceship, don't know, and hello, Pond. Ten months. Time flies. Never really understood that phrase. This is Neffy, this is Riddell. They're with me.
RIDDELL: Charmed.
AMY: With you? They're with you? Are they the new us? Is that why we haven't seen you?
DOCTOR: No. They're just people. They're not Ponds. I thought we might need a new gang. Not really had a gang before. It's new.
(At the far end of this hold is a big bulkhead door. Red lights come on either side of it.)
DOCTOR: It's coming down.
RIDDELL: What is it?
DOCTOR: No idea.
(It is a cargo lift, and it arrives with a thump. The doors open to reveal two large armoured creatures backlight by a very bright light.)
BRIAN: Not possible.
DOCTOR: Run!
(The gang run away, except the Doctor.)
AMY: Doctor!
DOCTOR: I know. Dinosaurs! On a spaceship!
(Amy grabs the Doctor and pulls him away from the ankylosaurs.)
NEFERTITI: In here!
(They hide in a sort of alcove. The annoyed armoured beasts stop nearby. Riddell gets out a knife.)
RIDDELL: I could take one of them. Short blow up into the throat.
DOCTOR: Or not. We've just found dinosaurs in space. We need to preserve them.
RIDDELL: Who's going to preserve us?
AMY: Shush.
(The ankylosaurs move on.)
RORY: Okay, so, how and whose ship?

[Spaceship bridge]

(A display has the gang on it, with the warning Intruders Detected.)
DOCTOR: [on screen]: Well, there's so much to discover. Think how wise we'll be by the end of all this.

[Open area]

BRIAN: Sorry, sorry. Are you saying dinosaurs are flying a spaceship?
DOCTOR: Brian, please, that would be ridiculous. They're probably just passengers. Did I mention missiles?
BRIAN: Missiles?
DOCTOR: Didn't want to worry you. Anyway, six hours is a lifetime. Not literally a lifetime. That's what we're trying to avoid. And we're all really clever. Ooo, let's see what we can find out. Come on.
(The Doctor removes a cobweb from a blank monitor. Amy examines gouges in the walls.)
AMY: How many dinosaurs do you think are on here?
(The Doctor sonics the monitor into life.)
DOCTOR: Oh, well done, whoever you are. Looking for engines. Thank you, computer. Look at that. Different sections have engines, but these look like the primary clusters. Where are we now, computer? We need to get down to these engines.
(The Doctor, Brian and Rory are teleported away.)
NEFERTITI: What happened?
AMY: Oh, great.

[Engine room]

(Cleverly disguised as a beach in cold weather with a fair old wind blowing. Who wrote this, Douglas Adams?)
DOCTOR: Find out. What?
BRIAN: We're outside. We're on a beach.
DOCTOR: Teleport. Oh, I hate teleports. Must have activated on my voice.
BRIAN: Ah, yes, well, thank you, Arthur C Clarke. Teleport, obviously. I mean, we're on a spaceship with dinosaurs. Why wouldn't there be a teleport? In fact, why don't we just teleport now?
DOCTOR: Is he all right?
RORY: No, he hates travelling. Makes him really anxious. He only goes to the paper shop and golf.
DOCTOR: What did you bring him for?
RORY: I didn't! Why can't you just phone ahead like any normal person?
BRIAN: Somebody tell me where we are, now.
(The Doctor tastes the air.)
DOCTOR: Well, it's not Earth. Doesn't taste right. Too metallic.
BRIAN: Is that a kestrel?
DOCTOR: I do hope so.
RORY: The beach is humming.
DOCTOR: Is it? Oh yes. Right, well, don't just stand there, you two. Dig. I'm going to look at rocks. Love a rock.
RORY: Dig with what?
BRIAN: Ah, well.
(Brian produces a trowel and starts digging in the sand.)
RORY: Did you just have that on you?
BRIAN: Of course. What sort of man doesn't carry a trowel? Put it on your Christmas list.
RORY: Dad, I'm thirty one. I don't have a Christmas list any more.
DOCTOR: I do!
(Brian reaches metal.)
BRIAN: There's a floor under this beach.

[Small spaceship]

RORY [on monitor]: Doctor! Doctor!
(An ailing old man is watching from his sickbed. This area is different tech from where the Doctor and his gang are.)
SOLOMON: Do you hear that? Did you hear what he called him? Doctor. After all this time. Bring them to me.
RORY [on monitor]: Doctor!

[Open area]

(Nefertiti leads the way.)
RIDDELL: There's clearly more than just two of these creatures.
(He takes a pull from his hip flask.)
AMY: Hey, put that away. I need you sober.
RIDDELL: It's medicinal. And I don't take orders from females.
NEFERTITI: Then learn. Any man who speaks to me that way, I execute.
RIDDELL: You're very welcome to try.
AMY: Sorry, what was your name again?
NEFERTITI: Lady of the Two Lands, wife of the great King Amenhotep, Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.
RIDDELL: I'll be damned.
AMY: Oh, my god. Queen Nefertiti? I learned all about you at school. You're awesome. Big fan. High five. Yeah, bit behind on that. You're really famous.
RIDDELL: Shush. Listen.
(Something is breathing heavily nearby. Very nearby. They are standing next to a six foot long carnivore lying on its side. There are eggs nearby.)
AMY: Okay. At a guess, T Rex, not yet full size. We're in the middle of a dinosaur nest.
RIDDELL: I propose a retreat.
(An ominious shadow on the wall.)
RIDDELL: Perhaps forwards.
AMY: Agreed. Just don't wake the baby.
(Riddell has to step over it.)
AMY: Oh, my god. Who are you, anyway?
RIDDELL: John Riddell, big game hunter on the African plains. I'm sure you've heard of me, too.
AMY: No.
RIDDELL: You clearly have some alarming gaps in your education.
AMY: Or men who hunt defenceless creatures just don't impact on history. Face it, she's way cooler than you.
NEFERTITI: And you, Amy. Are you also a Queen?
AMY: Yes. Yes, I am.

[Engine room]

(The Doctor has found another computer access point in the nearby cliff face.)
DOCTOR: See? Metal floors, screens in rocks. It was just a matter of a short range teleport. We're still on the ship.
BRIAN: No, we're outside on a beach.
RORY: It's part of the ship, Dad.
BRIAN: Don't be ridiculous.
DOCTOR: Well, it is quite ridiculous. Also brilliant. That's why the system teleported us here. I wanted the engines. This is the engine room! Hydrogenerators! Ha!
BRIAN: I have literally no idea what he's saying.
RORY: A spaceship powered by waves.
DOCTOR: Fabulously impossible. Oh, think of the things we could learn from this ship if we manage to stop it being blown to pieces.
RORY: Plus not dying.
DOCTOR: Bad news, can't shut the wave system down in time. Takes, takes way too long.
RORY: If these are the engines, there must be a control room.
DOCTOR: Exactly. That's what we need to find. Now, what do we do about the things that aren't kestrals?
BRIAN: Oh my lord. Are those pterodactyls?
DOCTOR: Yes. On any other occasion, I'd be thrilled. Exposed on a beach, less thrilled. We should be going.
BRIAN: Where?
DOCTOR: Er, definitely away from them.
RORY: That's the plan?
DOCTOR: That's the plan. Amendments welcome. Move away from the pterodactyls.
RORY: I think they might be noticing.
DOCTOR: Amendment one, run!
RORY: Why don't we just teleport or something?
DOCTOR: No! Local teleport burnt out on arrival. There's something in the cliffs over there.
RORY: Come on!
BRIAN: I'm trying!
(The pterodactyls start snapping at the men as they reach a cave entrance in the cliffs.)

[Cave]

(Rory has been hurt in the right shoulder.)
BRIAN: Are you all right?
RORY: Yeah, I'm fine. Right, what do we do now? There's no way back out there.
DOCTOR: Through the cave. Come on.
(Noises ahead.)
DOCTOR: That suggestion was a work in progress.
BRIAN: We're trapped.
DOCTOR: Yes, thanks for spelling it out.
RORY: Doctor, whatever's down there is coming this way.
DOCTOR: Spelling it out is hereditary. Wonderful.
BRIAN: That sound's getting nearer.
(Something big, heavy and slow. Two of them, and they are mechanical.)
ROBOT 1: We're very cross with you.

[Laboratory]

(Based on the glassware and various stuff underneath the ivy and cobwebs.)
AMY: Bit of weed killer wouldn't go amiss in here.
RIDDELL: Whoever was running this vessel left in a hurry.
NEFERTITI: Maybe a plague came and took them.
RIDDELL: No, there'd be corpses and bones.
NEFERTITI: Unless the animals ate them.
AMY: Whoa, Chuckle Brothers. Lighten up, would you?
(Amy tries a computer keyboard. The lights come on.)
NEFERTITI: How'd you know how to do that?
AMY: Well, I've spent enough time with the Doctor to know whenever you enter somewhere new, press buttons.
NEFERTITI: What else have you learned from him?
AMY: Don't stop at button pressing.
(She inserts a disc into the computer.)
BLEYTAL [OC]: One hundred and seventeen years.
AMY: Data records.
RIDDELL: The ship's owners?
AMY: Could be. Come on. Help us out.
BLEYTAL [OC]: Mainly cryogenic.
(Riddell sees a Tyrannosaurus Rex shadow on the corridor wall behind them, then it leaves.)
BLEYTAL [OC]: I will continue to work
AMY: How about a picture, huh? Come on, for me.
BLEYTAL [OC]: Far beyond our
NEFERTITI: Look. Oh, it's beautiful.
BLEYTAL [on screen]: I can't tell how far we have come. Far enough to avoid the destructive impact forecast for our planet. Far enough for me to feel a profound sense of loss.
RIDDELL: What is that?
AMY: Silurian.

[Passageway]

ROBOT 1: You're going straight on the naughty step.
BRIAN: What's the escape plan?
DOCTOR: Why do we want to escape?
BRIAN: They have us hostage.
RORY: They're taking us somewhere. We might learn from it.
(The Doctor tweaks Rory's cheek.)
DOCTOR: Oh, you see? He's so clever. I've missed you, Rory.
RORY: Don't do that.
BRIAN: What if they kill us?
DOCTOR: They wouldn't do that. You're not going to kill us, are you, Rusty?
ROBOT 1: Who are you calling Rusty?
DOCTOR: Have you seen yourselves lately?
ROBOT 1: You try being on this ship for two millennia. See how your paintwork does.
ROBOT 2: Don't listen to him. He's just being mean because we captured him.
BRIAN: Oh, my goodness.
RORY: Whoa!
DOCTOR: Ooo!
(A three horned herbivore approaches.)
DOCTOR: Herbivore. Don't panic. Triceratops. Ha! Beautiful.
ROBOT 2: Shall I shoot it?
ROBOT 1: We're not supposed to shoot the creatures, stupid.
ROBOT 2: Stop calling me stupid.
DOCTOR: Roar yourself. Hello, cutie. Good boy. Who's a lovely Tricy then? Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
BRIAN: What do I do? What do I do?
(The Triceratops sniffs Brian's delicate parts.)
BRIAN: What're you doing? What're you doing?
DOCTOR: You don't have any vegetable matter in your trousers, do you, Brian?
BRIAN: Only my balls.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry?
BRIAN: Golf balls. Grassy residue.
RORY: What are you carrying those around for?
(The Triceratops licks Brian's face.)
BRIAN: Urgh.
DOCTOR: Oh, bless.
BRIAN: Get it away from me.
DOCTOR: Throw one.
BRIAN: Really? Is this what you want? Is it?
(Brian throws a golf ball, and the Triceratops goes after it.)
DOCTOR: And breath out. Right, take us to your leader.
RORY: Really?
DOCTOR: Too good to resist.

[Laboratory]

BLEYTAL [on screen]: Of the fifty species loaded, only one has had any difficulty surviving. All the others are thriving, and we expect them to be able to repopulate.
AMY: We're on an Ark. A Silurian Ark.
RIDDELL: Lizard people herding dinosaurs onto a Space Ark? Absolute tommyrot.
NEFERTITI: Only an idiot denies the evidence of their own eyes.
RIDDELL: Egyptian Queen or not, I shall put you across my knee and spank you.
AMY: Oh lord.
NEFERTITI: Try, and I'll snap your neck in a heartbeat.
RIDDELL: They certainly bred firecrackers in your time.
AMY: Oh, no, no, please don't start flirting. I will not have flirting companions.
NEFERTITI: If the Doctor trusts Amy, so do I. Stop doubting her.
RIDDELL: If this ship was built by
AMY: Silurians, yeah.
RIDDELL: Where are they?
AMY: That's a surprisingly good question. Display life signs for Homo Reptilia.
(No Life Signs Detected.)
AMY: But where have they gone?
NEFERTITI: Perhaps they found another world, left the ship.
AMY: Why are the dinosaurs still on board, and why is the ship coming back to Earth? It doesn't make sense. What's changed between then and now? Wait. Computer, show me the ship at launch with all life signals. Now show me the ship today with all life signals. Thousands less. But why? Show me both images, then and now, side by side.
RIDDELL: What are you looking for?
AMY: Okay, two images. Spot the difference. What changed? What happened to the Silurians?
NEFERTITI: The centre.
AMY: Computer, zoom in to the centre. Hold on.
RIDDELL: What is it?
AMY: Another spacecraft. This ship's been boarded before.

[Small spaceship]

(Piano music by Franz Schubert is playing nearby.)
DOCTOR: Love what you've done to the place down here.
SOLOMON [OC]: Let him in. Open the gate.
(Only the Doctor is let through.)
DOCTOR: It's fine. It's fine.
ROBOT 1: He's not interested in you.
RORY: Look, you need to learn some manners.
ROBOT 1: No, you need to learn some manners.
RORY: No, you do.
ROBOT 2: No, you do, Mister Manners.
(Solomon is apparently on life-support.)
DOCTOR: Fantasia in F minor for four hands.
SOLOMON: You know it.
DOCTOR: Know it? Say hello to hands three and four. Schubert kept tickling me to try to put me off. Franz the hands. Oh, that takes me back. Well, this is cosy.
SOLOMON: It's fate you came.
DOCTOR: Is it? I'm the Doctor.
SOLOMON: Yes, I know. I'm Solomon.
(A laser does a quick scan.)
DOCTOR: What's that?
SOLOMON: System malfunction. Ignore it.
DOCTOR: What happened to you?
SOLOMON: I was attacked. Three raptors. They cornered me. The robots rescued me but it was nearly too late.
DOCTOR: Ah yes, the robots. They're unusual.
SOLOMON: I got them cheap from a concession on Alyria Seven. The robots did as best they could with my legs, but you can help me so much more.
DOCTOR: Oh. A doctor doctor. I see. Let's have a look.
SOLOMON: They chewed through part of the bone in my legs.
DOCTOR: Yes. Very nasty.
SOLOMON: But you can repair them.
DOCTOR: If you tell me how you came by so many dinosaurs.
SOLOMON: Injure the older one.
DOCTOR: What?
(A robot shoots Brian in the left shoulder.)
RORY: Dad! Dad! It's all right, Dad. It's okay.
DOCTOR: I don't respond well to violent, Solomon.
SOLOMON: And I don't like questions, Doctor. You boarded without my permission. Now, fix me, or the next bolt will be fatal.
RORY: I will take you apart cog by cog and melt you down when all this is over.
ROBOT 1: Oh, I'm so scared. Actually, I might be. A little bit of oil just came out.
RORY: Now, stay still. It's just a burn, it's nothing serious.
BRIAN: What's that?
RORY: You carry a trowel, I carry a med-pack. It's all about the pockets in our family. This is an ice patch. It cools the skin.
BRIAN: Never seen one of those.
RORY: I pick up cool stuff wherever we go. For some people it's cars and hardware, for me it is nursing supplies. Now, painkiller. This won't hurt.
BRIAN: Ow.
RORY: I lied. It won't hurt from now on, though. All right, you're done.
BRIAN: Thanks.
RORY: It's all right. You get to see my awesome nursing skills in action for once.
(Rory's phone rings.)
ROBOT 1: What's that?
BRIAN: Your phone's ringing. In space.
RORY: You get used to it. I have to take this. The wife. Hello, missus.

[Laboratory]

AMY: Where are you.

[Small spaceship]

RORY: Still on board. Met some pterodactyls and some rusty robots I'm going to melt down.

[Laboratory]

AMY: Rory, this is a Silurian ship.

[Small spaceship]

(The Doctor is working on Solomon's legs.)
SOLOMON: How did you get on board, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Oh, I never talk about myself with a gun pointed at me. Let's talk about you. Your cosy little craft embedded in a vast old ship.
SOLOMON: You're very observant.
DOCTOR: I'm a Sagittarius, probably.
SOLOMON: I'm transporting it to the Roxborne Peninsula.
DOCTOR: A commerce colony. You're a trader.
SOLOMON: I search out opportunities for profit across nine galaxies.
DOCTOR: Ah, the purple light. That's what it was. An IV system, identifying value. The database of everything across space and time allocated a market value. Argos for the universe. You were trying to find out how much I'm worth.
SOLOMON: Would you like to know?
(No Identification Found.)
SOLOMON: You don't exist. It's never done that.
DOCTOR: That's me. Worthless. Unlike these creatures you have on board. Very valuable, given they're extinct. Done. Sit up, very slowly.
RORY: Doctor? Amy.
DOCTOR: I need to take this.
(The Doctor takes Rory's phone.)
DOCTOR: Amy.

[Laboratory]

AMY: This is an Ark built by the Silurians. They were looking for another planet.

[Small spaceship]

DOCTOR: Where are they now?

[Laboratory]

AMY: None on board. I mean, thousands of stasis pods, all empty.

[Small spaceship]

DOCTOR: I'll see you soon.
(He returns the phone to Rory.)
DOCTOR: (sotto) Be ready.
SOLOMON: The pain in my legs is gone. I can move them. Thank you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: What did you do to the Silurians?
SOLOMON: We ejected them. The robots woke them from cryosleep a handful at a time and jettisoned them from the airlocks. We must have left a trail of dust and bone.
DOCTOR: Because you wanted the dinosaurs.
SOLOMON: Their ship crossed my path. I sent out a distress signal, they let me board, and when I saw the cargo things became more complex.
DOCTOR: Piracy and then genocide.
SOLOMON: Very emotive words, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm a very emotive man.
SOLOMON: The lizards wouldn't negotiate. I made them a generous offer.
DOCTOR: The creatures on board this ship are not objects to be sold or traded.
SOLOMON: I feel like you're judging me.
DOCTOR: You said Roxborne Peninsula, so why are you heading to Earth? You're on the wrong course. Oh, you don't know how. Brilliant. You couldn't change the pre-programmed course without instructions. The ship defaulted, returned home. Oh dear. The Silurians outwitted you even after you'd massacred them, so now you're a prisoner on the ship you hijacked.
SOLOMON: Not now you're here. You going to help me go wherever I want to go, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Little bit of news, Solomon. You're being targeted by missiles. Get off this ship while you still can.
SOLOMON: You think I believe that? You just want them for yourself. You won't profit from me, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Don't ever judge me by your standards.
(The gate opens to let the Doctor out.)
DOCTOR: Well, don't just stand there, Rory. (to robots) Hey, he wants to see you.
RORY: Dad, up!

[Passageway]

(The Triceratops is a little way away.)
BRIAN: What are we doing?
DOCTOR: Just do exactly as I do.
RORY: Doctor, no!
DOCTOR: Geronimo!
(The Doctor leaps onto the Triceratops' back.)

[Small spaceship]

ROBOT 2: Did you call?
SOLOMON: What are you doing? Stop them!
ROBOT 1: All right, don't shout.
SOLOMON: Useless machines.

[Passageway]

(With all three men on its back -)
DOCTOR: Go, Tricy. Run like the wind!
(It doesn't move, even when laser bolts whiz past.)
ROBOT 1 [OC]: After them.
DOCTOR: Quick, how do you start a Triceratops?
ROBOT 1: There they are.
ROBOT 2: I know, I saw them before you.
BRIAN: Tricy, fetch.
(Brian bounces his other golf ball off its nose, and the creature lumbers away.)
DOCTOR: Go, Tricy.
ROBOT 1: They've stolen a dinosaur.
ROBOT 2: I can see that.
DOCTOR: Come on, Tricy, faster, baby!
ROBOT 1: They're turning off. We're losing them.
ROBOT 2: Which way did they go?
ROBOT 1: I thought you were looking.
ROBOT 2: No. Now they've got away.
ROBOT 1: We definitely used to be faster.
BRIAN: I'm riding a dinosaur on a spaceship.
DOCTOR: I know!
BRIAN: I only came round to fix your light.
DOCTOR: Come on, Tricy. Where are the brakes?
(The Triceratops skids to a halt and they fall off. It picks up the golf ball and returns it to its owner, then lumbers off for a rest in the corner.)
DOCTOR: Good. That worked. Okay. Er, where are we now? Ooo, incoming message from Earth. Hello, Earth, how's things?
INDIRA [on screen]: Doctor, the ship's coming through the atmosphere. I have to start the missile programme.
DOCTOR: No. No, no, no, don't do that. Everything's completely under control here. Turning round any moment. Need a bit of wriggle room on the timings.
INDIRA [on screen]: I can't do that.
DOCTOR: You can. Of course you can. Tiny bit more time, Indira, please. This ship contains the most precious cargo.
INDIRA [on screen]: My only responsibility is the Earth's safety. I'm launching the missiles. Goodbye, Doctor.
DOCTOR: No, Indira. Hey! Come back! Please!

[Indian Space Agency]

COMPUTER]: Target identified. Navigation systems locking on to target. Missile launch procedure initiated. Estimated impact, thirty minutes.

[Laboratory]

RIDDELL: Now, these are what we need. Dinosaur protection.
(Rifles in a cupboard.)
AMY: No weapons.
(He hands her a box.)
AMY: Anaesthetic? These are stun guns. You're almost clever.
RIDDELL: Enough to make a dinosaur take a nap. Even the Doctor couldn't object to that.
NEFERTITI: You and the Doctor, are you his Queen?
AMY: No, I'm Rory's Queen. Wife. Wife. I am his wife. Please don't tell him I said I was his Queen. I'll never hear the end of it.
NEFERTITI: And the Doctor, does he have a Queen?
AMY: I thought you had a husband?
NEFERTITI: The male equivalent of a sleeping potion.
RIDDELL: You clearly need a man of action and excitement. One with a very large weapon.
AMY: So, human sleeping potion or walking innuendo. Take your pick.
DOCTOR [on screen]: That's very bad indeed. Completely unhelpful.
RORY [on screen]: Doesn't the ship have any defence systems installed?

[Open area]

DOCTOR: Good thinking, Rory.
(The Doctor kisses Rory full on the mouth.)
DOCTOR: Computer, show us weapons and defence systems.
(No Systems Available)
DOCTOR: Oh, well, that was a waste of time, wasn't it? Getting my hopes up like that.
RORY: What ship doesn't have weapons?
DOCTOR: Ah, they're ancient species, Rory. Still full of hope.
BRIAN: What about the control deck? You said we should go to the control deck next.
DOCTOR: It's too late. It won't make any difference.
RORY: We could at least try.
DOCTOR: It won't work, Rory. The missiles are locked on.
RORY: So what, we're just giving up?
DOCTOR: I don't know. I don't know.
(Bright flash. The Robots and Solomon have teleported in. Solomon is leaning heavily on a pair of metal crutches.)
SOLOMON: You were telling the truth, Doctor. Earth has launched missiles. This vessel is too clumsy to outrun them, but I have my own ship.
DOCTOR: You won't get your precious cargo on board, though. Just be you and your metal tantrum machines.
ROBOT 1: We do not have tantrums!
SOLOMON: Shut up. You're right, Doctor. I can't keep the dinosaurs and live myself. But I had the IV system scan the entire ship, and it found something even more valuable. Utterly unique. I don't know where you found it, or how you got it here, but I want it.
DOCTOR: I don't know what you're talking about.
SOLOMON: Earth Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.

[Laboratory]

SOLOMON [OC]: A face stamped across history.

[Open area]

SOLOMON: Give her to me, and I'll let the rest of you live.
DOCTOR: No.
SOLOMON: You think I won't punish those who get in my way, whatever they're worth?
(The robots shoot the Triceratops. The Doctor strokes it as it dies, then applauds.)
DOCTOR: You must be very proud.
SOLOMON: Bring her to me, or the robots will make their way through your corpses. Bring her now.
DOCTOR: No.
(Flash! Amy, Riddell and Nefertiti are beamed in.)
DOCTOR: What are you doing?
NEFERTITI: I demanded to be brought here.
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no way.
NEFERTITI: It isn't your choice, Doctor, it's mine.
DOCTOR: Listen to me. If you go with him, I can't guarantee your safety.
NEFERTITI: You saved my people. I am in your debt.
DOCTOR: No. No debts. You don't owe me anything.
NEFERTITI: Then I do it on my own.
DOCTOR: No, Neffy, Neffy.
RIDDELL: No! Take her and I shoot you.
NEFETITI: Put your weapon down. Let me make my choice.
SOLOMON: Do it, boy.
(Riddell lowers his rifle.)
SOLOMON: My bounty increases. And what an extraordinary bounty you are.
NEFERTITI: Never touch me.
SOLOMON: I like my possessions to have spirit. It means I can have fun breaking them. And I will break you in with immense pleasure. Thank you, Doctor. Computer, take us back to my ship.
(Flash and away go Solomon, Nefertiti and the robots.)
COMPUTER: Hostile targeting in progress. Hostile targeting in progress. Hostile targeting in progress. Hostile targeting in progress.
DOCTOR: Bingo.
RORY: What is it? Doctor.

[Control deck]

(The Doctor and his remaining gang teleport in.)
DOCTOR: Okay, control deck.
RORY: So, what's the plan?
DOCTOR: Come on. The missiles are locked onto us. We can't out-run them. We have to save the dinosaurs and get Nefertiti back from Solomon. Isn't it obvious?
RORY: It's sort of the opposite of obvious.
DOCTOR: Seventeen minutes before the missiles hit. We need to turn this ship around.
RORY: You said it was too late. That there wasn't any time.
DOCTOR: Ah, yes, but I didn't have this plan then, did I? Riddell? Keep an eye out for dinosaurs.
RIDDELL: I was rather hoping you'd say that.
DOCTOR: No killing any. Rory, Brian, get rid of the cobwebs.

[Small spaceship]

(The engines are running.)
SOLOMON: Come on, come on, we're not moving. He's magnetised us. We can't move away.

[Outside the control deck]

(A velociraptor appears.)
RIDDELL: Come on, boy. I'll get you.
(And calls to the rest of its pack.)
RIDDELL: Hell's teeth, that's really not fair.

[Indian Space Agency]

COMPUTER: Missile target will be reached in eleven minutes.

[Control deck]

DOCTOR: No, don't be like that. Really unhelpful.
AMY: What's the matter?
DOCTOR: Parallel pilot compartments, both configured. Needs two operator of the same gene-chain. And that's why Solomon couldn't change the ship's course and neither can we.
(Brian raises his hand.)
DOCTOR: What?
BRIAN: We can. Me and Rory. We must be the same gene-thingy you said.
DOCTOR: Brian Pond, you are delicious.
BRIAN: I'm not a Pond.
DOCTOR: Course you are. Sit down, both of you, licketty split. The ship does all the engineering. The controls are straight forward. Even a monkey use them. Oh look, they're going to. Guys, come on. Comedy gold. Where's a Silurian audience when you need one. Anyway, two eye line screens. Velocity and trajectories. Steer away from the Earth. Try not to bump into the moon otherwise the races who live there will be livid.
BRIAN: What?
DOCTOR: Primary controls in the arms of the chairs. Principle's the same as any vehicle. Eight minutes forty five seconds.
(The Doctor sonics the pilot chairs into life.)
DOCTOR: Get us as far away as you can. Right, phase two sorted. Now for phase one.
AMY: Oh no, phase two comes after phase one.
DOCTOR: Humans, you are so linear. Shine the torch in here.
AMY: What are you doing?
DOCTOR: Mixing my messages. How's the job?
AMY: We're about to be hit by missiles and you're asking me that?
DOCTOR: I work best when I'm multitasking. Keep talking. How's the job?
AMY: I gave it up.
DOCTOR: You gave the last one up.
AMY: Yeah, well, I can't settle. Every minute I'm listening out for that stupid Tardis sound.
DOCTOR: Right, so it's my fault now, is it?
AMY: I can't not wait for you, even now. And they're getting longer, you know, the gaps between your visits. I think you're weaning us off you.
DOCTOR: I'm not, I promise. Really promise. The others, yeah, but not you. Rory and you, you have lives, have each other. I thought that's what we agreed.
AMY: I know. I just worry there'll come a time when you never turn up. That something will have happened to you and I'll still be waiting, never knowing.
DOCTOR: No, come on, Pond. You'll be there till the end of me.
AMY: Or vice versa.
DOCTOR: Don't.
RIDDELL: Doctor? This is a two man job.
(Amy gets the other stun gun.)
RIDDELL: What are you doing?
AMY: I'm easily worth two men. You can help too, if you like.
(The Doctor extracts a beeping gubbins from inside the machine.)
AMY: Doctor, what are you going to do
(The Doctor is teleported away.)

[Outside the control deck]

RIDDELL: Quickens the blood, doesn't it?
AMY: The sooner this lot go back to being extinct, the better.
RIDDELL: You know what I want more than anything?
AMY: Lessons in gender politics?
RIDDELL: A dinosaur tooth to take home. Dinosaurs ahead, a lady at my side, about to be blown up. I'm sure I've never been happier.
AMY: Shut up and shoot.
(They do.)
RIDDELL: Duck!

[Control deck]

BRIAN: I'm flying a spaceship. Rory!
RORY: Hmm?
BRIAN: We're flying a spaceship.
RORY: I know.

[Indian Space Agency]

ISA WORKER: Ship's trajectory is changing.
INDIRA: It makes no difference. The missiles have locked on. How long till target?
ISA WORKER: Seven minutes.

[Control deck]

BRIAN: Here we go! That's it, that's it. That's it, that's it. Me, me, me. Yes, yes. It's better than golf.

[Small spaceship]

DOCTOR: Hello! Having trouble leaving?
(The Doctor shorts out the robots with spare power cables.)
ROBOTS: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do.
(And stop working.)
DOCTOR: Ship's still magnetised. Just couldn't bear to lose you.
SOLOMON: Release my ship, Doctor, or I kill this precious little object.
(Nefertiti kicks his crutch and Solomon falls over. She grabs the crutch and puts the point at his throat.)
NEFERTITI: I am not your possession now, nor will I ever be. Now, stay there.
DOCTOR: Don't mess with Egyptian Queens, Solomon. I hope you've learnt that now.
SOLOMON: What are you doing?
DOCTOR: Disabling this ship's signal and replacing it with the one from the Silurian ship. I send this craft off emitting the signal they're looking for, the missiles will follow. Hopefully, Siliurian ship safe, dinosaurs safe, everybody safe. Bit tight for time, though. Shouldn't really be chatting. Neffy, let's go. How remiss of me. Almost forgot. The thing about missiles, very literal. This is what they latch on to.
(The gubbins from the machine.)
DOCTOR: Now, one press of this and the ship's demagnetised.
SOLOMON: Doctor, whatever you want, I can get it for you. Whatever object you desire.
DOCTOR: Did the Silurians beg you to stop? Look, Solomon. The missiles. See them shine? See how valuable they are. And they're all yours.
SOLOMON: You wouldn't leave me, Doctor.
(The Doctor closes the gate to the main compartment.)
DOCTOR: Enjoy your bounty.
(The Doctor leaves.)
SOLOMON: Doctor!
(The little ship whooshes off into space. The missiles corner quickly and follow.)
SOLOMON: Doctor!
(KaBOOM! because he didn't even try to jettison the beacon...
Outside the Control deck, Amy and Riddell are surrounded by snoring velociraptors.)

[Open area]

DOCTOR: So, dinosaur drop off time.
RORY: Actually, we think home for us.
DOCTOR: Oh. Fine. Of course.
AMY: Not for ever, just a couple of months.
DOCTOR: Right. Yes. I'm pretty busy anyway. I mean, I've got to drop everyone back.
BRIAN: About that. Can I ask a favour? There's something I want to see.
(The Tardis hangs in space above the beautiful blue dot we call home. Brian sits in the open doorway with a mug of tea and a sandwich.
Back in Africa, Nefertiti comes out of Riddell's tent with rifle, and loads it.)

[Amy and Rory's home]

(Rory is trying to fit a long life light bulb into the ceiling socket when Amy comes in with the post.)
AMY: More postcards from your dad.
RORY: Do you know what? I think it is the fitting.
(Amy pins the latest I Am Here postcard up. Rio de Janeiro, Pisa, Taj Mahal, Machu Picchu, New York, and now - Siluria! with dinosaurs next to the Tardis.)

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