(England, June, 1925. A servant in a white coat is
strangled in the corridor, while a young woman who looks remarkably
like Nyssa sleeps. Elsewhere in the house, someone has been tied up on
a bed, and an Amazon Indian with a stretched lower lip sits reading a
Next day, at Cranleigh Halt, the station master waves off the Great
Western train and goes back inside. Then the Tardis materialises on the
NYSSA: Where are we?
ADRIC: Earth again.
TEGAN: I did say I wanted to stay with the crew for a while. You can
stop trying to get me back to Heathrow.
DOCTOR: I have.
TEGAN: You certainly know how to fly this crate, don't you.
DOCTOR: What's the matter, old girl? Why this compulsion for planet
(He turns the scanner on.)
NYSSA: What is this place?
DOCTOR: A railway station.
TEGAN: Ah, but when?
DOCTOR: Three o'clock, June the 11th, 1925.
TEGAN: I haven't been born yet.
DOCTOR: It's interesting, isn't it. And no jet lag. Shall we go
NYSSA: You think that wise, considering what we've just done to London?
DOCTOR: Oh, that would have happened if we'd been there or not. All
part of Earth's history.
NYSSA: I hope you're right.
TEGAN: Well, I'd like to take a look.
DOCTOR: Come on.
ADRIC: So what is a railway station?
DOCTOR: Well, a place where one embarks and disembarks from
compartments on wheels, drawn along these rails by a steam engine.
Rarely on time.
NYSSA: What a very silly activity.
DOCTOR: You think so? As a boy I always wanted to drive one.
[Outside the station]
(A chauffeur is passing the time polishing the
Rolls Royce. He goes to greet the Doctor as he walks through the gate.
TANNER: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Tanner, Lord Cranleigh's chauffeur.
DOCTOR: Lord Cranleigh?
TANNER: Yes, sir.
DOCTOR: We're expected?
TANNER: Oh yes, sir. You are the Doctor?
NYSSA: May I ask what you're staring at?
TANNER: I'm sorry, miss.
(Tanner opens the passenger door.)
TANNER: Please, sir, if you don't mind. The game's already started. His
lordship won the toss and decided to bat first to give you time to get
here. That train's always slate.
DOCTOR: That's very thoughtful of his Lordship.
TANNER: Er, yes, sir. But I do think we should hurry. His lordship is a
first class bat, but I'm not quite sure how strong his support is this
DOCTOR: Come on, you lot.
(Tanner gives the trousered Nyssa a strange look, then salutes
the Doctor. They all climb into the back of the vintage Rolls Royce
UL6654 and are driven off.)
TEGAN: Now what? Where are we going?
DOCTOR: To a cricket match.
DOCTOR: Why not?
STATIONMASTER: It's out here on the
(The Stationmaster shows the police constable the large blue
obstruction on his railway platform.)
STATIONMASTER: Here, what do you make of that, Constable?
(Lord Charles Cranleigh leaves the match and runs
across the ground to meet the car as it comes down the lane.)
CHARLES: Ah, there you are, man, good. I'm Cranleigh. Didn't expect
four of you.
(He stares at Nyssa as she steps out of the car.)
CHARLES: Good lord. Er, I'm so sorry. Do forgive me for staring. You
look exactly like my fiancée. It's quite uncanny.
DOCTOR: This is Nyssa.
CHARLES: You must meet her.
DOCTOR: And Adric and Tegan.
(A cry of Howzat! from the match.)
CHARLES: How do you do. Well, you'd better pad up, Doctor. Got your
DOCTOR: Ah, I regret I have none.
CHARLES: No matter, I'll fix you up. We're taking a terrible thrashing.
54 for 8. I made a duck.
(Charles leads the Doctor away, and the others follow.)
CHARLES: Smutty said he'd send a useful bat.
CHARLES: Smutty Thomas. Oh, don't you call him Smutty at Guys?
DOCTOR: Er, no, as a matter of fact.
CHARLES: Oh, he was Smutty at school. Now, the wicket's very green, the
ball's keeping low. Any good with the ball?
DOCTOR: Not bad.
CHARLES: Good. Medium pace? Slow?
CHARLES: Top hole.
[Outside the cricket pavilion]
(Another batsman is given out. Cranleigh CC are 56
for 9 and the Doctor has been provided with pads and a bat.)
CHARLES: Good luck, old boy.
(The Doctor takes his position on the wicket.)
DOCTOR: Middle stump!
(He checks the fielding around him and takes his stance, then smashes
the first delivery for four.)
CHARLES: Well played, sir.
(The Doctor continues to smack the ball all around the field. The score
(Over by the pavilion.)
CHARLES: Mother, may I introduce Tegan and Adric.
LADY C: How do you do? What enchanting names.
CHARLES: And this is Nyssa.
(Lady Cranleigh and her companion stand.)
LADY C: How extraordinary!
CHARLES: Yes, isn't it.
LADY C: Worcestershire.
CHARLES: Apparently not.
LADY C: Nyssa, did you say?
LADY C: Forgive me, my dear, but you must be a Worcestershire Talbot.
NYSSA: No, I'm not.
LADY C: Are you quite sure?
NYSSA: Quite sure.
LADY C: Robert?
MUIR: Uncanny. Quite uncanny.
(Everyone say Hi to the splendid Moray Watson.)
LADY C: Two peas in a pod. Positively two peas in a pod.
NYSSA: I beg your pardon?
LADY C: Forgive a pardonably curiosity, my dear, but where are you
NYSSA: The Empire of Traken.
LADY C: Really.
(The Doctor takes a single.)
LADY C: Your Doctor substitute has made your score almost respectable,
CHARLES: Perfectly ripping performance. Much better player than Smutty.
(The batting side are now all out, and the Doctor is bowling. He takes
a long run up and clean bowls the middle stump. Honestly. It's a wide
camera shot and Peter really is that good.)
TEGAN: Oh, well bowled!
(Nyssa and Adric are baffled by the game. The Doctor bowls out another
CHARLES: Well done.
(44 for 7. Oh dear. And another one.)
(The umpire draws stumps. The match is over.)
CHARLES: Ripping performance, old boy. Come over to the house and meet
(The car pulls up outside Buckhurst House, which
could easily have been the inspiration for Agatha Christie's 1925, the
Secret of Chimneys. The Amazon Indian watches them arrive from an
upstairs window, then closes the shutters.
Charles leads the Doctor in from the entrance hall.)
CHARLES: Mother, may I present the Doctor.
LADY C: How do you do?
DOCTOR: How do you do.
LADY C: Doctor who?
CHARLES: I'm sorry, Mother, but he'd like to remain incognito, and I
think we should respect that after what he's done today.
LADY C: Of course.
MUIR: First rate, sir.
CHARLES: Sir Robert Muir, the Chief Constable.
MUIR: A superb innings, worthy of the master.
DOCTOR: The Master?
MUIR: Well, the other doctor.
(The Doctor looks baffled.)
MUIR: W G Grace.
DOCTOR: Yes, of course.
LADY C: Are you able to stay for the ball, Doctor?
CHARLES: Yes, you must. I insist now, all of you.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
LADY C: We have one every year in aid of the Hospital for Sick
TEGAN: It's fancy dress, isn't it?
TEGAN: We haven't got any costumes.
MUIR: I was just thinking how charming yours was.
CHARLES: Costumes are no problem. We keep a selection for last minute
guests. I'm sure we can fix you up. Well, Doctor, how would you like to
take a cocktail to your bath?
DOCTOR: Well, certainly a cold drink.
ADRIC: What do you do with a cocktail in a bath?
CHARLES: Drink it, old boy.
(Upstairs, a snarling man struggles against his bonds.)
CHARLES: Ah, Ann, my dear. Come and meet the hero of the day, and.
(Charles puts his arm around a bobbed-hair version of Nyssa.)
DOCTOR: Great Scott.
CHARLES: Ann Talbot, my fiancée, this is Nyssa.
ANN: How do you do?
NYSSA: How do you do?
CHARLES: And this is the Doctor, and Tegan and Adric.
ANN: Worcester. Have you an Uncle Percy?
LADY C: Not a Worcestershire Talbot.
ANN: Then where are you from?
ANN: Where's that?
MUIR: Near Esher, isn't it?
ANN: Could there be Talbots near Esher?
LADY C: Not possible. The hunt isn't good enough.
CHARLES: Well, Doctor, what can I offer you? Brewster here can make
absolutely anything quite superbly.
DOCTOR: Well, I do have a terrible thirst. Perhaps a lemonade with lots
ANN: The same as the Doctor, please.
CHARLES: My dear?
TEGAN: A screwdriver, please.
CHARLES: Ah, a screwdriver, Brewster. And?
NYSSA: Thank you. I'll have the same.
(The Doctor coughs.)
CHARLES: Better make that orange juice for the children, Brewster.
BREWSTER: My lord.
CHARLES: Bob, same again?
MUIR: Thank you, Charles.
CHARLES: And a Tom Collins.
(Tegan goes over to a small glass terrarium containing what appears to
be a black orchid.)
DOCTOR: Well, it's very charming of you to make us so welcome.
ANN: Not at all, Doctor.
(The man upstairs has managed to untie himself.
Brewster serves the drinks.)
DOCTOR: Thank you.
CHARLES: Thank you. Shall we?
ANN: Are you really from Esher?
NYSSA: I don't even know where Esher is.
TEGAN: How beautiful.
LADY C: The black orchid. Yes, it is beautiful. It was found on the
Orinoco by my eldest son, George.
(The portrait on the wall looks more like Charles to me.)
TEGAN: Of course. I thought I recognised the name. George Cranleigh the
botanist, the explorer.
LADY C: But the Brazilian forests took their toll. He never returned
from his last expedition two years ago.
TEGAN: I'm sorry.
LADY C: Ann was engaged to him, but I'm delighted to say that we're
still going to have her in the family.
MUIR: If Charles marries the right girl.
ANN: Nyssa doesn't even know where Esher is.
LADY C: Which shows great taste. I'm sorry, Nyssa. Our curiosity has
been vulgar enough. It's high time we all change.
CHARLES: Yes, well, I'm ready for a bath, so if the ladies will excuse
us, I'll show you to your room, Doctor. Bring your drink. (to Adric)
You too, old boy.
(Upstairs, the Amazonian enters the room and sees the empty bed. Then
he is hit over the head with a poker and his charge leaves.)
(The Doctor holds up a Harlequin costume.)
CHARLES: Well, I must flatter myself. Call that an admirable choice.
DOCTOR: It certainly is. What are you going to wear?
CHARLES: Ah, that's better left as a surprise, I think. Now then, I'd
better attend to that young man. What was his name again?
DOCTOR: Er, not quite. He's Alzarian.
CHARLES: I never could remember all those funny Baltic bits. Geography
was never my strong point. My brother stole all the thunder there.
Positive Odin. Till later, then.
(Charles leaves. The Doctor tries on the harlequin mask, which covers
his entire head.)
(Tegan's costume is a pink handkerchief skirt and
green bodice. Very like Cicely Mary Barker's Sweet Pea Fairy.)
NYSSA: You know the dances of this period?
TEGAN: Well, I know the Charleston. I learned it for a play when I was
NYSSA: How's it performed?
TEGAN: I'll show you.
NYSSA: Is that dancing?
TEGAN: Well, it's not bad.
NYSSA: No, it's just that on Traken our dancing is much more
formalised, and far more complex.
TEGAN: You dance?
NYSSA: It's part of my training. And although I say it myself, I'm
considered quite good.
(There is a knock at the door.)
TEGAN: Come in.
(Ann enters, in a floaty purple dress with sequined blue butterfly
bustier, followed by a maid with a box.)
ANN: My dears, I've had an absolutely ripping idea.
NYSSA: Oh, how lovely. That's lovely.
ANN: My dear, I'm so glad you think so. Look.
(She produces a second, identical dress.)
ANN: There. With the headdress nobody, but nobody, will be able to tell
us apart. Isn't that topping?
NYSSA: Quite topping.
ANN: Just as long as I don't show this.
(Ann moves her left strap to reveal -)
TEGAN: A mole?
ANN: Yes. You haven't got one, have you?
(The Doctor lays out his costume then goes into
his en-suite bathroom and runs the bath. A secret door in the panelling
opens and the mystery man comes in. He turns when the Doctor sings.)
DOCTOR [OC]: I want to be happy, but I can't be happy, till I make you
(The door slams.)
DOCTOR [OC]: Hello?
(He comes in from the bathroom.)
DOCTOR: Who's that?
(He spots the open wall panel and goes inside. The door slams behind
him and refuses to budge, so he sets off down the secret passageway.
Meanwhile, the mystery man, with swollen hands, re-enters and gathers
up the costume.)
(Music is provided by a gramophone, and food is on
a buffet table. Brewster shows Lady Cranleigh the smoked salmon. She is
dressed possibly as Marie Antoinette. Tall white wig, anyway. The
partygoers are bravely ignoring the very strong wind threatening to
blow everything away.)
LADY C: Splendid.
(Other guests are dressed as Henry the Eighth, a Jane Austen period
woman, a Turk, Cavalier lady. Sir Robert is bewigged as possibly Samuel
Pepys and is dancing with Tegan. No idea what Adric is meant to be in
his large collared top. Nyssa's headdress covers the top half of her
face with sequins and has butterfly antennae.)
NYSSA: I rather think this will be fun. I think you have to ask me to
NYSSA: Because that's what everybody else is doing.
ADRIC: What, all those people?
NYSSA: Not me, you idiot. Each other. Come on, ask me.
ADRIC: I don't think I could do it.
NYSSA: Yes, you can. Just follow me. Come on.
MUIR: I hope Lord Cranleigh's dancing with the right girl. It's a
little naughty, really.
TEGAN: I think it's a great hoot.
MUIR: A great what?
MUIR: Hoot. Oh yes.
(Lord Cranleigh is in full hunting pink, and dancing with Ann.)
CHARLES: There is one way of not getting you mixed up.
ANN: What's that?
CHARLES: By having every dance with you.
ANN: Foiled again. You're the host.
(The music stops. Nyssa jumps onto the parapet and
waves at Ann, who runs over to join her. Everyone watches the 'twins'
do a little dance before Nyssa whispers in Ann's ear.
DOCTOR: Why do I always let my curiosity get the
better of me?
(Ann and Nyssa run into the house, then come out
again and curtsey. Which is which?
(Another record is put on the gramophone player. The girls split up.
One goes over to Adric for a dance, the other to Charles.)
MUIR: I might have known they were up to something. Now no one can tell
TEGAN: I can.
TEGAN: That's a secret.
NYSSANN: Where's the Doctor?
ADRIC: Don't know.
NYSSANN: What's he wearing?
ADRIC: I don't know that either.
NYSSANN: You should ask Lady Cranleigh to dance.
ADRIC: Well, look, I'm not really very good at it. Anyway, I'd much
(Adric leaves her and goes for food. A man dressed as King
MAN: Shall we dance?
DOCTOR: Why didn't I leave after the cricket?
(Latoni walks out onto the terrace. Lady Cranleigh
is dancing with a royal Herald.)
LADY C: You'll have to excuse me for a moment.
(She walks with Latoni past Adric at the buffet table and out of
LADY C: Latoni, what are you doing here? Get back to your quarters at
LATONI: My friend has escaped.
LADY C: What?
LATONI: He hit me from behind and escaped.
LADY C: Where was Digby?
LATONI: Digby has gone.
LADY C: Where?
LATONI: I don't know. I have not seen him today.
LADY C: Come with me.
(The record finishes, and Charles has both butterfly
girls in front of him.)
CHARLES: I've got every chance of having all (indistinct words)
DOCTOR: At last!
(He manages to open a secret panel that opens into a corridor.)
DOCTOR: Wherever this is.
(A clock can be heard ticking. The Doctor opens the next door to find a
cupboard full of books. He picks up A Textbook of Botany for Students
by Amy F M Johnson, B.Sc. The next door reveals a man's clothes.)
MUIR: You deserve a better dancer than me, my
dear. I must find you someone your own age.
TEGAN: But you're a beaut dancer, Sir Robert.
MUIR: Beaut? That, I think, is a great hoot.
(New music starts.)
TEGAN: The Charleston!
MUIR: What? Oh.
(Tegan gets up and dances on her own in front of Sir Charles, both
girls and Adric, who is eating as if tomorrow brings famine.)
CHARLES: Marvellous! Absolutely excellent!
(Little Bo Peep drags him away.)
CHARLES: Oh, excuse me.
(Then King Charles grabs one of the girls again.)
ADRIC: Enjoying yourself, Nyssa?
NYSSANN: Nyssa? Are you sure, Adric?
ADRIC: Yes. You can't do that.
NYSSANN: Can't I?
(And she does. The dance finishes, and Harlequin walks down the
staircase and onto the terrace. Silently, he asks Nyssa or Ann for a
(The Doctor finds another secret panel, that opens
to reveal a staircase going upwards.)
(He goes up to the attic room.)
(He picks up a book from the desk.)
(As Harlequin dances Ann, into the house, the
Doctor returns to the corridor.)
DOCTOR: Well, one of these must get me out of here.
(Another cupboard door, then another. But this one contains the body of
the man with the white jacket.)
(Harlequin and his partner dance in.)
ANN: That was great fun. Shall we go back to the terrace? I'm afraid we
must return to the others. Who are you?
(She tries to leave, but Harlequin grabs her arm and drags her towards
ANN: Let me go. Please let me go! Stop it! Let me go, whoever you are!
(A footman enters and tackles Harlequin, who strangles him. Nyssann
faints. Harlequin reaches for her neck.)
(The Doctor finishes examining the body in the
cupboard. The missing Digby, we presume. He then shuts the door on him
and goes back to the secret entrance to the attic staircase. It slams
LADY C: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Lady Cranleigh.
LADY C: This is Dittar Latoni, an old friend from Brazil.
DOCTOR: How do you do?
DOCTOR: I'm afraid I'm lost.
LADY C: You are indeed.
DOCTOR: I should explain.
LADY C: Please don't. There's no need.
DOCTOR: Oh, but there is. You see, in my meanderings I've come across
something rather unpleasant.
LADY C: Go on.
DOCTOR: There's a body through there.
LADY C: What!
DOCTOR: A dead man in a cupboard.
LADY C: Oh, really!
DOCTOR: I'm afraid it's true. May I show you?
LADY C: Please do.
(The Doctor looks for the opening mechanism.)
LADY C: Allow me.
LADY C: Ten bedrooms and four receptions have
access to this area.
DOCTOR: A larger than average priest hole.
LADY C: The Cranleighs of the time were devout and very hospitable. The
priesthood came here from all over the country.
DOCTOR: It's in here. Are you sure you want to look?
LADY C: It's all right, Doctor. I'm made of quite stern stuff.
DOCTOR: Yes, of course.
(The Doctor opens the cupboard door.)
LADY C: Poor fellow. How very unpleasant.
DOCTOR: Do you know him?
LADY C: Yes, he's one of the servants. Please.
(The Doctor shuts the door again.)
LADY C: I'm very sorry, Doctor, that you've had this dreadful
experience. I wonder, would you be kind enough to help me keep it from
my other guests? I wouldn't want to upset them.
LADY C: There's no point in involving them, unless the police decide
DOCTOR: Yes, of course.
LADY C: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Now, if you could tell me how to get back to my room, I think
it's about time I got changed.
LADY C: Yes, I'll show you.
(The harlequin costume and mask are returned to the Doctor's room by
someone with swollen fingers and wearing an argyle sweater. He leaves
by the secret door just before the Doctor enters.)
TEGAN: I wonder where the Doctor is?
MUIR: Well, it could be a number of these fellows, since he wishes to
remain incognito. Not being bored by this old codger, are you?
TEGAN: Of course not, Sir Robert.
(On a bed, Ann stirs. We know it is her because her headdress is off,
revealing her bobbed hair. The disfigured man leans over her and gently
replaces the quilt.)
(The Doctor finishes his costume with the full
face mask and looks in the cheval mirror.)
(Lady Cranleigh and Latoni discover that the door
is locked. Ann wakes, gets out of the bed and runs for the door,
terrified, while the man cowers in the corner by the bed.)
ANN: Let me out!
(Ann unlocks the door and runs into the arms of Lady Cranleigh. Latoni
goes into the room.)
[Outside the attic room]
ANN: I had such an awful dream. My head's
LADY C: Oh, there, there, my dear. There, there.
ANN: How did I get here? I hurt my head. There was someone in fancy
LADY C: Try to put the whole incident out of your mind.
ANN: I can't. It was too awful.
LADY C: Come on. Some brandy will help calm you down.
(In the attic room, Latoni takes a coil of rope from a chest of
(Adric is still demolishing the contents of the
BREWSTER: Some more of this, sir?
ADRIC: Er, no thank you. This will do to be going along with.
(Brewster goes along the table to a footman.)
BREWSTER: Where's James with that bucket? Hurry him up will you, Henry?
(Another dance record ends.)
CHARLES: A cold collation?
NYSSA: What's that?
CHARLES: Something to eat.
NYSSA: Oh, yes, please.
(Henry reports back to Brewster as Nyssa and Charles go to the buffet
NYSSA: Is that seconds?
NYSSA: You pig!
ADRIC: You can only be Nyssa.
NYSSA: Just look at that!
ADRIC: Well, I didn't have any breakfast.
MUIR: Of course, my dear.
TEGAN: Thank you.
(Tegan goes inside the house for a moment.)
MUIR: Lord Cranleigh.
CHARLES: Sir Robert.
(They mutter about the various dishes available, then Brewster whispers
to them. Charles and Muir leave with Brewster. Tegan returns.)
TEGAN: Have you seen the Doctor?
TEGAN: Sure you've got enough there?
ADRIC: Don't you start.
(Charles and Sir Robert examine the dead footman.)
CHARLES: His neck's broken.
MUIR: By the look of him, it couldn't have happened in a fall.
CHARLES: What's that?
(Ann's mask is on the floor. Muir picks it up.)
CHARLES: Ann was wearing this.
MUIR: Or the other one.
CHARLES: No, no, that was the other one out there on the terrace.
Something's happened to Ann.
(Muir takes off his full-bottomed wig.)
MUIR: I'll telephone the station.
(The Doctor comes down the stairs.)
DOCTOR: Had an accident?
CHARLES: I'm afraid it's a little more serious than that, Doctor.
(Lady Cranleigh and Ann come down the stairs.)
ANN: That's him! That's who attacked me!
(The Doctor takes off his mask.)
DOCTOR: It's me.
ANN: Yes, you. And he did that. I saw him.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid Miss Talbot is mistaken. I've just this minute come
down the stairs.
ANN: I am not mistaken! He danced with me and then pulled me in here. I
shouted for help, James came and he killed him.
DOCTOR: I say, look here.
ANN: Sir Robert! Arrest that man. He killed James. I saw him.
DOCTOR: Lady Cranleigh, please.
LADY C: Charles, shouldn't you
MUIR: No, Madge. Wait until the Sergeant gets here.
(A touch of homage? Agatha Christie's elder sister was Madge.)
LADY C: But our guests
MUIR: I suggest, Charles, that you call it a day. Tell your guests
there's been an accident and ask them to go home.
CHARLES: What about him?
MUIR: I'll deal with this.
MUIR: Now, Ann.
ANN: This man attacked me and then killed James.
DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
ANN: You did! He did. He danced with me on the terrace, brought me in
here and then he
DOCTOR: Miss Talbot is quite mistaken. I have just come down these
stairs. Before that, I was. Wait a minute. Was I like this?
(He holds the mask in front of this face.)
DOCTOR: Well, that's it, then.
MUIR: What is it?
DOCTOR: A completely logical explanation. A duplication of fancy dress.
Someone else must be wearing an identical costume.
MUIR: But my dear.
MUIR: Now be reasonable.
ANN: I am being reasonable.
MUIR: What about your own costume? There are two of those.
ANN: My little joke, Sir Robert. I was in charge of the costumes. There
was only one harlequin. That one.
DOCTOR: And only one murderer. Lady Cranleigh, I agreed to keep it from
your guests, but I have the distinct feeling I'm in rather hot water.
(Lady Cranleigh looks to the ceiling.)
DOCTOR: Miss Talbot.
ANN: Why what?
DOCTOR: Why would I attack you? Have you done me any harm?
DOCTOR: No, then I've no reason to harm you. And besides
MUIR: Besides what?
DOCTOR: Well, it wouldn't be cricket.
LADY C: Robert.
MUIR: I respect the sentiment, sir, but I have known Miss Talbot all
her life. She has laid a complaint.
LADY C: Ahem.
MUIR: Made an accusation. There's more to this than meets the eye. Is
this the reason that you wish to remain incognito?
DOCTOR: No, of course not.
MUIR: What is your name?
DOCTOR: That's a very difficult question.
MUIR: Have you any means of identification?
DOCTOR: No, I've never needed any.
MUIR: Fortunate man. Just exactly who are you and what are you doing
DOCTOR: I'm afraid if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.
MUIR: I am the Chief Constable of this county and you, sir, are under
suspicion of murder.
DOCTOR: I'm a Time Lord.
MUIR: A what?
DOCTOR: I told you.
MUIR: Try again.
DOCTOR: I travel in time and space. I have a time machine. You've read
H G Wells?
MUIR: I know of him, of course, yes. He writes fiction.
DOCTOR: Lady Cranleigh, please help me.
MUIR: How can Lady Cranleigh help you?
DOCTOR: There's something terribly wrong here. Lady Cranleigh knows. I
showed her another dead body.
MUIR: What? Madge?
LADY C: I'm afraid like Mister Well, the Doctor has a vivid
DOCTOR: I showed you a body in a cupboard up there. You and the Indian.
DOCTOR: An Indian, with a lip. I give up.
MUIR: Perhaps you'd show me?
DOCTOR: Willingly. This way.
(The Doctor and Sir Robert go up the stairs.)
ANN: Please don't leave me.
LADY C: Go and find Charles, my dear.
(Lady Cranleigh goes up the stairs.)
(Ann runs to Charles.)
ADRIC: I don't believe it. The Doctor would never do a thing like that.
TEGAN: We can all speak for him.
CHARLES: Miss Talbot was a witness.
ADRIC: Her word against his.
CHARLES: That's enough. You'd better get inside the house. The police
will be here any minute.
(Adric, Tegan and Nyssa leave.)
BREWSTER: There's a telephone call for you, sir.
(The Doctor leads the way out of the secret
passage into the priest annex.)
DOCTOR: This one.
(Sir Robert opens the cupboard. Where Digby once was, there is now a
LADY C: My father gave me that when I was six.
DOCTOR: Where's the Indian? There was an Indian. I showed you the body
of a man in there. A man of about thirty, in a white coat. A short
white coat. You said he was a servant.
MUIR: An Indian?
DOCTOR: Well, not in there, no. With Lady Cranleigh. A South American
DOCTOR: I'm not imagining all this.
DOCTOR: Lady Cranleigh, I appeal to you. It was you who introduced me
to this man.
MUIR: The man in the cupboard.
DOCTOR: No, the Indian.
MUIR: With the lip?
DOCTOR: Yes. His name was Ditoni, or something like that. You said he
was a friend from Brazil.
MUIR: From Brazil?
DOCTOR: Where the nuts come from.
(Meanwhile, up in the attic room, the disfigured man watches Latoni
reading the Portuguese book.)
(Lord Cranleigh takes the telephone call that
Brewster told him about.)
CHARLES: Hello? Cranleigh here. Smutty! Now listen, that fellow you
sent us. What? What? Well, there was a fellow here. Yes. Won the
blessed game for us. First class bat and a demon bowler.
(Upstairs, the man tries to get his hands free.
Sir Robert Muir has got the entire Tardis crew seated in the drawing
room which opens directly onto the hall.)
MUIR: You refuse to name yourself or give any good account of yourself
except some irresponsible fiction, and you were seen to kill a man.
Heaven knows what your motive was, but no doubt that will come out
during the course of the enquiries.
DOCTOR: I sincerely hope so.
(Charles and Ann enter with the local constabulary. Both of them.)
CHARLES: Bob, I've just received a telephone call from Smutty Thomas,
apologising for the fact that the replacement he arranged missed his
LADY C: Then this man is an imposter as well.
TEGAN: Is he?
CHARLES: I beg your pardon?
TEGAN: I don't know what this is all about, but I do know that the
Doctor is no imposter.
CHARLES: I've just received a telephone call from
MUIR: All right, Charles. I'm arresting this man, Sergeant, on
suspicion of murder.
MARKHAM: Yes, Sir Robert.
MUIR: I must warn you that anything you say will be taken down and may
be used in evidence.
DOCTOR: That's very kind of you.
MUIR: I shall prefer the charge later at the Station, Sergeant.
MARKHAM: Very good, Sir Robert.
MUIR: His accomplices must come too.
MUIR: Well, perhaps I should say accessories.
NYSSA: What are accessories?
MUIR: Accessories to murder. And they suffer the same penalty.
MARKHAM: Right, you'd better all come along with me, then.
CHARLES: Tanner will take you, Bob.
MUIR: Thank you, Charles.
DOCTOR: Thank you, Lady Cranleigh, for a delightfully unexpected
NYSSA: Why don't you show them the Tardis, Doctor?
ADRIC: What will that prove?
TEGAN: That he isn't lying.
DOCTOR: Sergeant, do we pass the station?
MARKHAM: You're going to the station.
DOCTOR: I mean the railway station.
DOCTOR: Would you stop there a moment?
MARKHAM: Certainly not.
TEGAN: Oh, please?
DOCTOR: There's vital evidence that will prove what I'm saying is true.
MARKHAM: What evidence?
DOCTOR: Stop, and I'll show you.
[Outside the railway station]
MUIR: What's the idea?
DOCTOR: There's something I'd like to show you.
(The platform is devoid of obstructions.)
DOCTOR: It's not here.
DOCTOR: What I wanted to show you.
MUIR: Come along, Markham. He's wasting time.
(In the attic room, the man starts to untie his ankles.)
[Outside the Police station]
(Constable Cummings rushes out. Everyone say Hi!
Tourell, more recently the hopeless Geoffrey Ballard from
Waiting for God.)
CUMMINGS: Did you see it, Sarge?
MARKHAM: See what?
CUMMINGS: The police box in the yard.
CUMMINGS: It was on the north bound platform at the railway station.
We've been able to move it, but we can't break in. No key will unlock
DOCTOR: This one will.
(As the disfigured man gets quietly off the bed,
LADY C: The male nurse was killed.
CHARLES: Digby? When?
LADY C: Must have been last night.
CHARLES: And you said nothing?
LADY C: No. It would do no good.
CHARLES: Do no good? We can't let that Doctor fellow suffer for
something he hasn't done.
LADY C: He will come to no harm. He is innocent.
CHARLES: We've got to tell the police.
LADY C: No!
ANN: Charles, please don't leave me alone.
CHARLES: Ann. Now there's something you've got to know.
LADY C: No, Charles!
CHARLES: Yes, Mother!
[Police station yard]
(The Doctor unlocks the Tardis and opens the
DOCTOR: After you, Sergeant.
MARKHAM: But there won't be any room.
TEGAN: You are in for a surprise.
(Markham enters, followed by Tegan.
(The disfigured man jumps Latoni then stamps on his chest. Latoni
manages to push the door key between the floor boards before he is
MUIR: Unbelievable. Quite unbelievable.
(Unable to find the key, the disfigured man puts newspaper at the
bottom of the door and sets fire to it.)
MUIR: I must say, all this is going to be rather difficult to explain
in my report. In this sense, you are owed an apology.
DOCTOR: In this sense?
MUIR: Well, there is still a murder to be explained.
CUMMINGS [OC]: Sir Robert?
DOCTOR: Come in.
CUMMINGS: Strike me pink!
MUIR: What is it, Cummings?
CUMMINGS: A call from Lord Cranleigh, sir, up at the Hall. He's found
another body. A man called Digby. His neck's broken, just like the
DOCTOR: The man in the cupboard?
MUIR: Yes. Thank you, Cummings.
MUIR: Come on, Markham.
DOCTOR: I could get you there sooner.
MUIR: You could? All right, you do that.
ANN: How could you? Oh, how could you?
(Ann runs out of the drawing room as the Tardis lands on the back
(Ann rushes out of the house.)
ANN: Oh, Sir Robert!
(Upstairs, the fire has taken hold of the door. The disfigured man uses
a fire-iron to smash at the planks and leaps through.)
CHARLES: Now, Mother, don't worry. I'll look after
LADY C: Yes, I know.
(The disfigured man runs into the entrance hall.)
CHARLES: All right, old chap. All right.
(The Tardis crew and the police enter behind him. He is trapped by the
staircase, where smoke is drifting down. Suddenly he elbows the Doctor
and grabs -)
(The man pulls Nyssa up the stairs.)
CHARLES: He's started a fire! Get the Brigade!
(The man picks up Nyssa and runs upstairs with her as she screams. The
Doctor, Adric and Lord Charles try to follow.)
DOCTOR: The stairs are burning!
MUIR: What was that thing?
DOCTOR: Tell him, Lady Cranleigh, and why he's so interested in Ann.
LADY C: They were engaged to be married. That thing, as you call him,
was my elder son George.
CHARLES: How did you know?
DOCTOR: The black orchid for one, Latoni for another.
DOCTOR: I'll leave Lady Cranleigh to do that. I have to rescue Nyssa.
LADY C: He won't hurt her. He loves Ann.
DOCTOR: Really. And what will he do when he discovers he has the wrong
(A head appears above the parapet.)
CHARLES: There they are!
DOCTOR: Try and hold his attention here. I'll find a way up through the
(The Doctor runs off. Charles takes off his jacket and starts to climb
up the outside. Muir holds Adric back.)
MUIR: No, lad. Two are enough.
(Muir takes Lady Cranleigh to one side.)
LADY C: I've done something terribly wrong, Robert. Charles is not to
MUIR: What did the Doctor mean about the black orchid?
LADY C: Well, you saw how George looked. The Kojabe Indians did that to
him. To them, the black orchid is sacred. And they cut out his tongue.
His mind was affected. He was rescued by another tribe, and their chief
befriended him and brought him home.
LADY C: Yes. With Latoni and Digby's help I was able to keep George
hidden in the house.
MUIR: Did George kill Digby?
LADY C: Yes.
MUIR: And the servant?
(Charles clambers over the parapet onto the roof.)
CHARLES: George. Please, George. Now George, she's done you no harm.
(The Doctor has also made it to the roof and is coming up from behind
George and Nyssa.)
CHARLES: George. Please, George.
(George turns and sees the Doctor. Charles tries to grab him but is
DOCTOR: George, that isn't Ann. Ann is down there. Look.
(George looks over the edge and sees Ann. Nyssa tries to wriggle free.)
DOCTOR: Keep still, Nyssa! It's true, George. Please let me have her.
(George gives Nyssa to the Doctor.)
CHARLES: Thank you, George.
(Charles steps forward to hug his brother. George backs away and
tumbles over the parapet to land with a thud on the terrace.)
LADY C: I'm grateful you stayed for the funeral.
(Tegan is holding a very large box.)
NYSSA: What's that?
TEGAN: Our fancy dress. Do you really mean it? We can keep them?
ANN: Of course.
LADY C: There's something I'd like you to have.
(She gives the Doctor a book.)
DOCTOR: Thank you. I shall treasure it.
(Black Orchid, by George Cranleigh, published by Cassell and Cassell.)